Governor Crimm picked up his nineteenth-century magnifying glass, which was English and made of ivory. Peering through the lens, he made out enough of the essay's contents to get interested and slightly offended.
"It's been clear for a while that this Trooper Truth individual is based in Virginia or at least wants to point the finger at Virginia," Trader indignantly went on as the governor slowly read. "I've got a file on what he's posted on various bulletin boards and sent out in mass e-mailings. He seems to have access to every governmental e-mail address in the Commonwealth, which is one of the reasons I am sure he's an insider, a turncoat, and a troublemaker."
"Well, I like what he has to say about America starting in Jamestown and not Plymouth," remarked the governor, whose family had been in Virginia since the American Revolution. "I'm mighty tired of other states taking credit for what we've accomplished. But I don't approve of his implication that history is untrustworthy. That's going to step on some toes, now isn't it? And what's this about pirates?" He steadied the magnifying glass over Blackbeard's name.
"Very troublesome. I'm sure you heard the news this morning?"
"Yes, yes," the governor said, distracted. "Do we have any further information on that?"
"The victim, Moses Custer, was beaten severely and doesn't remember much and was babbling a lot about a unique experience with an angel whose car had broken down. But after continued questioning by the state police, he sobered up and seemed to recall a young white male with dreadlocks who shouted obscenities when he flung open the Peterbilt's tailgate and discovered thousands of pumpkins, which he and his gang no doubt had to unload quickly and in secret into the James River. The guy, uh, Custer, had the same weird cuts as some of the other victims."
"I thought we were doing our best to play down this pirate business," the governor seemed to remember. "Didn't I order Superintendent Hammer not to release any statements to the press about anything without our approving it first?"
"You certainly did. And so far, we're managing to keep the sensational details out of the media."
"You don't suppose Trooper Truth intends to keep blabbing about our pirate problem on the Internet, do you?"
"Yes, sir," Trader replied as if he knew this for a fact. "We can rest assured his website is going to open a can of worms, because by all appearances, it's an inside job and I fear your administration could be blamed if things really get ugly."
"You might be right. I get blamed for most things," the governor confessed as his stomach rumbled and his intestines lurched into activity like worms suddenly exposed to daylight. He wished Trader had not mentioned a can of worms.
Crimm's constitution just wasn't what it used to be, and very often he felt like hell. Last night he had endured yet another formal dinner at the executive mansion, and since he was hosting some of his biggest financial supporters, the mansion's director had decided it was important to serve Virginia food and wine. As usual, this had meant ham from Smithfield, baked apples from Winchester, biscuits made from an antebellum recipe, and wines from Virginia vineyards.
Crimm's digestion simply couldn't tolerate any of it, especially the apples, and most of the morning he had been seeking out the most convenient, secure toilet inside the Capitol, until he finally gave up on cabinet-level meetings and retreated to his office, which had thick walls and a private bathroom he could use without
Executive Protection Unit state troopers posted outside the door. As if all of that wasn't bad enough, the wine had given Crimm a sinus headache.
"It doesn't make sense why I have to serve, much less drink, inferior wine," the governor bitterly complained as he slowly moved the magnifying glass over the printout.
"I beg your pardon?" Trader looked confused. "What wine?"
"Oh, you weren't there last night, I guess." Crimm sighed. "We ought to serve French wines. Think about how much Thomas Jefferson loved French wine and all things French. So why would it be such an egregious break from tradition to serve French wines in the mansion?"
"You know how critical people are," Trader reminded him. "But I totally agree with you, Governor. French wines are much better, and you deserve them. However, someone will say something and no doubt it will be widely publicized and costly to your reputation. Which brings me back to Trooper Truth. This article is only the beginning. We have a loose cannon on our hands and somehow must stop whoever it is or at least have some say-so about it."
The governor could have done without the cannon reference, too, as he slowly made out words and scarcely listened to his press secretary, who was a meddler and an irritation. Crimm was not clear on why he had ever hired Major Trader or even if he had. But Trader certainly wasn't Crimm's cup of tea, at least not anymore, assuming he ever was. The press secretary was a fat slob who was far more interested in big meals, big stories, and big talk than he was in being honest about anything. The only good thing about Crimm's failing eyesight was he could scarcely see people like Trader at all anymore, even when he was in the same room with them, and thank God for small favors, because the sight of Trader with his fleshy jowls, ill-fitting suits, and long, greasy strands of hair combed over his bald pate was increasingly repulsive.
"… objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" the governor slowly read out loud as he peered through the magnifying glass. "So The Past rides our bumper along life's highways and may even be inside the car with MS…" He glanced up and gave Trader a huge eye. "Hmmm, now that's an interesting thing to consider."
"I have no idea what it means, if anything." Trader was irritated that the governor would consider anything beyond what he, the press secretary, recommended.
"It's like a riddle," the governor went on, intrigued, moving the magnifying glass over the essay as if he were reading a Ouija board. "You remember the Riddler in Batman? All of these little riddles hinting at where, when, and how the Riddler was going to strike next, but Batman and Robin had to decipher the riddle first, of course. This Trooper Truth fellow is giving us a clue about something, about what he's going to do next or maybe about what / ought to do next. Something about life's highways."
"Speaking of that…" Trader seized the opportunity to move on to a subject that he might be able to control. "Speeding continues to be a serious problem, Governor, and it's occurring to me that if we emphasize speeding to the voting public, we can divert any unwanted attention away from pirates."
"Speeding on life's highways. Maybe that's what he's getting at. Maybe that's the riddle," the governor said, fascinated by his own deductions. "But I wasn't aware that speeding had gotten worse."
It hadn't. But Trader wanted to tug the governor's attention away from riddles. Crimm was known to make inane, inappropriate statements about whatever his latest whim, curiosity, or observation was, and it would not be good at all should he indicate that a riddle or the Riddler was influencing his executive decisions.
"Citizens are complaining that they're forced to exceed the speed limit even in the slow traffic lane because of aggressive motorists riding their bumpers and flashing their headlights," Trader spun his latest fabrication. "And we can't have state troopers every other mile waiting with radar guns. Not to mention, there are escalating incidents of road rage because of these jerks who want to go ninety miles an hour and don't care who they cut in front of."