Bobby continues: “He can play better than the guy they bring in here to play for us. But he’s a cool guy, that guy.”
“Yeah, he’s on the level.”
“He’s on the level. Is he coming in today for group?”
“That’s tomorrow. Today is art.”
“With Joanie.”
“Right.”
Bobby sips his coffee. “If there wasn’t coffee on this earth, I’d be dead.”
I scan the room: everyone’s here but Solomon, the Anorexics (who I’ve now seen peeking out of their rooms like, literally, skeletons in closets), and Noelle. I wonder where she is. She didn’t show up for vitals. Maybe she’s out on a pass. I hope she’ll be around tonight for our date. Technically, it’ll be my first date.
“You know, I’ll tell you why I’m really anxious,” Bobby pipes up, leaning in over his coffee. “It’s this stupid shirt.” He pushes forward his Marvin the Martian WORLD DOMINATOR sweatshirt. “How’m I gonna do an interview in this?”
“Huh.” Johnny exhales. “Never underestimate the power of Marvin.”
“Shhh, man. I’m serious.”
“I have shirts,” I say.
“What?” Bobby looks up.
“I have shirts. I’ll lend you a shirt.”
“What? You would do that?”
“Sure. What size are you?”
“Medium. What are you?”
“Uh, child’s large.”
“What is that in normal?” Bobby turns to Johnny.
“I didn’t even know children had sizes,” Johnny says.
“I think it would fit,” I stand up. Bobby gets up next to me and, although his posture is way different—backward, really—he looks like a decent match.
“I have a blue-collared shirt that my mom makes me wear to church every week. I can have her bring it.”
“Today? The interview’s tomorrow.”
“Yeah. No problem. She’s two blocks away.”
“You would do that for me?”
“Sure!”
“All right,” Bobby says. We shake hands. “You’re really on the level. You’re a good person.” We look into each other’s eyes as we shake. His are still full of death and horror, but in them I see my face reflected, and inside my tiny eyes inside his, I think I see some hope.
“Good person,” Johnny echoes. Bobby sits down. I put my tray back in the cart and Humble comes up behind me.
“You didn’t sit with me, I’m very hurt,” he says. “I might have to jump you for your lunch money later.”
thirty
Nurse Monica brings me into the same office that I was interviewed in the day before, to ask me how I’m adjusting. I look at the white walls and the table where she showed me the pain chart and think that I’ve actually come kind of far since yesterday; I’ve eaten and slept; you can’t deny that. Eating and sleeping will do a body good. I needed the shot, though.
“How are we feeling today?” she asks.
“Fine. Well, I couldn’t sleep last night. I had to take a shot.”
“I saw on your chart. Why do you think you couldn’t sleep?”
“My friends called. They were kind of . . . making fun of my whole situation.”
“And why would they do that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe they are not your friends.”
“Well, I told them . . . ‘Screw you,’ basically. The main one, Aaron. I told him ‘Screw you.’”
“Did that make you feel good?”
I sigh. “Yeah. There was a girl too.”
“Who would that be?”
“Nia. One of the friends.”
“And her?”
“I’m done with her, too.”
“So you made a lot of big decisions on your first day here.”
“Yes.”
“This happens to many people: they come and make big decisions. Sometimes they are good decisions, sometimes bad.”
“Well, I hope good, obviously.”
“Me too. How do you feel about the decisions?”
I picture Nia and Aaron dissolving, replaced by Johnny and Bobby.
“It was the right thing to do.”
“Wonderful. Now, you’ve made some new friends here as well, isn’t that true?”
“Sure.”
“I noticed you talking with Humboldt Koper outside the smoking lounge last night.”
“Is that his real name?” I laugh. “Yeah, well, right, you were talking, too. We all were.”
“Yes. Now, you might not want to become so friendly with your fellow patients on the floor.”
“Why not?”
“That can distract people from the healing process.”
“How?”
“This is a hospital. It’s not a place to make friends. Friends are wonderful, but this place is about you and making you feel better.”
“But . . .” I fidget. “I respect Humble. I respect Bobby. I have more respect for them after a day and a half than I do for most people . . . in the world, really.”
“Just be careful of forming close relationships, Craig. Focus on yourself.”
“Okay.”
“Only then does healing take place.”
“All right.”
Nurse Monica leans back with her moon face.
“As you know, we have certain activities on the floor.”
“Right.”
“On your first day you are excused from activities, but after that you are expected to attend on a daily basis.”
“Okay.”
“That means you start today. This is an opportunity for you to explore your interests. So I ask you: what are your hobbies?”
Bad question, Monica.
“I don’t have any.”
“Aha. None at all?”
“No.”
I work, Monica, and I think about work, and I freak out about work, and I think about how much I think about work, and I freak out about how much I think about how much I think about work, and I think about how freaked out I get about how much I think about how much I think about work. Does that count as a hobby?
“I see.” She takes some notes. “So we can put you in any activity group.”
“I guess.”
“And you’ll go?”
“Can I play cards with Armelio in the groups?”
“No.”
“Will participating in them get me out of here on Thursday?”
“I cannot say for sure. But not participating will be viewed as a step back in the healing process.”
“Okay. Sign me up.”
Nurse Monica marks a sheet in her lap. “Your first activity will be arts and crafts this evening, before dinner, with Joanie in the activity lounge, which is through the doors behind the nurses’ station.”
“I thought those doors didn’t open.”
“We can open them, Craig.”
“When does it start?”
“Seven.”
“Oh. I won’t be there exactly at seven.”
“Why’s that?”
“I have to meet with someone at seven.”
“A visitor?”
“Sure,” I lie.
“A friend?”
“Well, yeah. So far. I hope so.”
thirty-one
At 6:55 P.M. I position myself at the end of the hall where I met with my parents yesterday and again today—around three, without Sarah this time; she was at a friend’s house. Dad didn’t crack any jokes and Mom brought the shirt for Bobby, who shook her hand and told her Your son is great and she told him she knew that. Dad asked whether we got to watch movies, and I told him that we did, but that since so many people were older, it was really boring movies with Cary Grant and Greta Garbo and stuff, and he asked if I wouldn’t enjoy him bringing over Blade II on DVD. And I checked with Howard and it turned out the hospital had a DVD player like everyone else in the world and so Dad and I made a date for Wednesday night, in three days, when he didn’t have to work late. He’d come by with Blade II and we’d all watch it.