Nikolay Lakutin
It was almost there. A play for 4 people. Comedy
Attention! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA, INTERNATIONAL LEGISLATION, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, MAKING CHANGES TO THE TEXT OF THE PLAY WHEN STAGED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR IS PROHIBITED. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF A DIRECT CONTRACT BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.
Comedy for 4 people. A play in two acts. (Can be delivered as a one-act).
An explanatory note for the director is attached at the end of the play.
THE CHARACTERS
ARE Oleg.
Nina.
Daniel.
Irina.
Action 1
Scene 1. The perfect family!
Darkness.
Silence.
A loud voice (pleasant, endearing). What do we know about the family? Perhaps all the things that it would be better not to know about… at least on yourself. But since we are all "damn lucky" with the choice of our second halves, let's at least imagine for a moment what an ideal family relationship between husband and wife might look like.
Loud pleasant positive music sounds.
Residential apartment.
Disposing semi-darkness.
Oleg enters. A pleasant gentle, fresh smile. In the hands of a large bouquet of flowers. Dressed decently.
He takes a few steps, stops in tender anticipation.
Nina comes out to meet Oleg. Pretty, well-groomed, "delicious" from all sides. Sees Oleg, rejoices like a puppy. Runs towards him. Hugs, kisses. Love, tenderness. The candy – bouquet period in all its glory.
Oleg gives flowers to Nina, she accepts, admires. Tells Oleg emotionally about something (Words are not heard, everything is drowned out by the background music). Both are laughing heartily. They are happy, fresh, young at Heart and ambitious.
Nina is all emotional, she literally clings to Oleg, beckons him, drags him along.
Oleg, of course, is not against, but rather categorically "FOR".
As a result, a bouquet of flowers falls out of Nina's hands, she is no longer up to flowers.
Oleg breaks away from the passionate embrace, tries to pick up the bouquet, but Nina literally drags him away in a direction understandable to an adult viewer. And yet Oleg manages to take the flowers with him.
Oleg and Nina are hiding.
The music continues to play.
A slight dimming and light again. (Preferably a different light, because we are going to beat another apartment now, however, this is not so important).
Danil enters.
A pleasant smile on his face, fresh, radiant and happy. In his hands is a gift that he hides behind his back. A relatively bulky box wrapped in a gift box.
Irina comes out to meet Danil. Beautiful, fresh, tender and … just like from the picture.
Irina takes out a pie in her hands, smiles gently at Danilo, shows a glance at the pie, they say, here… for you.
Danil pulls out a gift from behind his back. It also shows with a glance, they say, but for you.
Irina is delighted. Sets aside the cooked pie. He runs up to Danil. Hugs him, kisses him. Timidly accepts the gift. Cautiously looks at Danil in anticipation. He nods approvingly.
Irina shudders emotionally, and even a little mentally, runs to open the gift as soon as possible.
Opens out of sight, we only see how the gift wrapping flies away.
Meanwhile, Danil approaches the pie, takes a piece, and begins to eat. Delicious. Savoring.
A joyful Irina jumps out, screams with delight and jumps on Danil, wrapping her arms and legs around him.
A piece of cake falls out of Danil's hand. I'm not up to pie anymore.
Hugs. Softness. Passion.
This is how Danil carries away Irina, delighted, bubbling with emotions.
Positive music is CHEWED up like on old cassette recorders, stops, subsides.
ZTM.
Scene 2. The life of Oleg and Nina.
A loud voice (pleasant, endearing). Well, there! Sometimes at the beginning of a relationship, something like this can be observed between lovers… But if the marriage has been going on for many years…, then it often happens about… so…
Oleg and Nina's apartment.
The light turns on smoothly.
Oleg is sitting on the sofa, hastily wrapped in a blanket.
The look is angry, sleepy.
Her hair is tousled. There are earplugs in the ears (you can stuff more cotton wool so that it can be seen).
Nina's heroic snoring can be heard from the next room.
Snoring sounds, Oleg is angry. Wants to sleep, but can't, sits, waits for a lull.
The snoring subsides and stops.
Oleg looks hopefully in the direction of the calmed snoring.
Trying to settle down on the couch. Closes his eyes. A blissful smile has already flowed down his face. He's finally almost falling asleep.
But it wasn't there.
Nina's snoring covers the sound space with a new force.
Oleg jumps up on the couch. Angry as a dog.
Oleg (nervously, loudly). AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
A sleepy Nina comes running to Oleg's cry. Nina is in pajamas, her eyes are sleepy, her hair is haphazard.
Nina (indignantly). Oleg! Why are you shouting in the middle of the night? Are you completely crazy? I'm out, I just managed to cover my eyes, I haven't even fallen asleep yet, and you broke my whole dream. What a stupid habit, yelling at night? And if I do that?
Oleg (evil, very evil). Nina, my berry! How much I love you, you just can't imagine!!!
Nina thinks about it… Understands.
Nina (guessing, not immediately voicing guesses). Ya.... snoring again, huh?
Oleg exhales with an angry growl, shakes his head affirmatively, but remains silent.
Nina (a little guiltily). I'm sorry, you know I can't control it. And besides, you snore like a locomotive yourself, so don't blame me for everything.
Oleg (very angry). Yes, in order for me to snore like a locomotive, I need to fall asleep first! Can you really sleep with you? And he went into another room, and he already bought earplugs… (Oleg takes earplugs out of his ears, nervously throws them aside.) It doesn't help! I'm already thinking about not going to the next room for the night, but to the next apartment! It seems to be on sale right now, we need to ask the neighbors how much they want.
Nina (nervously, winding herself up). So that's what it's all about! I got it As you delicately put it – neighbors. Not neighbors, I want to tell you, but a neighbor! And this neighbor has been looking at you with her greedy eyes for a long time. Or maybe you've already looked around? Maybe I don't know something, huh? Oleeeeg? Ah-well? Look into my eyes! What did you have with her, Ali how?
Oleg jumps off the sofa, looks viciously into his wife's eyes.
Oleg (very angry). You're completely out of your mind! Why the hell did I get this attractive, busty, young lady with a charming smile, heavenly eyes and three children? If only she had one child, somehow, somehow, the sheepskin would be worth the dressing. But three mouths, and her fourth, I will not take out on my salary. Think what you're saying!
Nina (calming down, sighing with relief, stepping aside). Here… What I've always appreciated you for is your honesty. Whatever is on your mind, you can mold everything. In general, this is not a very good quality for a person. Nowhere in life with such a nuance. But for me, as a wife, this flaw of yours is very in time. Of course, you're a parasite, to be honest, but a decent parasite! (In another sense, with a feigned emotion, and louder, reproaching.) You're a decent parasite with me, Oleja!
Oleg (discontentedly, rushing around the room, with sarcasm). I'm the parasite who argues. And you are the queen! Just a dream of any man! How fabulously lucky I was to meet such a gorgeous and beautiful person. Just manna from heaven has descended on me! Men are all goats, bastards, and parasites – this is an axiom. But the feminine gender – where not to spit – is a princess! Missed – goddess!