‘Was there something between you I should be jealous of?’
‘No, no.’ Here it came — in that case why did he bother to kiss her. .
‘What I feel,’ she said, letting him off, ‘is that it would have been nice to go on thinking of you as a man who doesn’t throw kisses around. Who respects himself or at least his mouth more.’
Kevern tried to think of any man he knew who respected his mouth.
‘Well it was no disrespect to you,’ he said. ‘I hadn’t met you. Unless you believe one can demean a person in retrospect.’
She thought about it for longer than he would have liked. ‘No, no it doesn’t demean me in retrospect,’ she said at last. ‘It demeans you, which reflects on me, and it takes a little from my fantasy. . but that was always just girlish nonsense anyway. So no, yes, I’m all right about it, and I thank you for being honest with me.’
Kevern felt he’d been kicked in the stomach. She was no/yes/noing him. Yes, no, she was all right about it, which was the language of compromise and disillusionment. And he had shattered her fantasy, which meant her hope to live a life above the common. He had brought her low with his honesty — honesty being the kindest yes/no word she could find for his being a man like every other.
A man like Ahab, even. Demoniacally hell-bent on her unhappiness by simple virtue of his being a man. Except that he wasn’t. Yes/no.
He asked her to make love to him, on his bed with the sheets thrown back and the windows open, not to remove all trace of Lowenna Morgenstern’s kisses from his lips, but to remove all trace of this conversation. She shook her head. It didn’t quite work like that for her. In the open air then. On the cliffs. In Paradise Valley. Let Nature do the job. But she wasn’t quite in the mood for that either. She would walk with him, though. A long bracing walk where they could talk about something else. Look beyond them. Not talk about themselves at all. ‘We are a bit in each other’s heads,’ she said.
He knew what she meant but the last thing he wanted to do was walk her out of his.
They walked well together, he thought. Which was a sign of their compatibility. They were always in step. When one put out a hand the other found it immediately. They stopped to look at the same flowers or to admire the same picturesque cottage. They stooped in unison to stroke a cat or pick up litter. Neither started to speak before the other had quite finished, or at the very moment that the other began a sentence. They talked side by side, like instruments in an orchestra. This wasn’t only good manners; it was an instinctive compatibility. Their hearts beat to an identical rhythm.
Had his incestuous parents felt like this at the beginning, he wondered.
He laughed, suddenly, for no reason. Threw back his head and laughed at the sky. She didn’t ask him why, she simply threw back her head and did the same. A minute later she seized him by the arm and made him look at her. ‘This is very dangerous,’ she said.
‘You think I don’t know that?’ was his reply.
He proposed a trip away, a few days’ holiday from this degrading village. Gutkind had not asked him to stay put, so he believed he was no more a suspect than all the other men in the county Lowenna Morgenstern had kissed. He was more worried about what the policeman might write in his report about the furniture.
They would pack a couple of bags, drive north, find a city where people didn’t know them and weren’t murdering one another, stay in a nice hotel that had no view of the sea, go to a couple of restaurants, maybe take in a film, reconnect with each other after the Morgenstern business, no matter that they hadn’t come apart over it. Ailinn was surprised to discover he owned a car, which he kept under tarpaulin in the public car park. He had never struck her as a car person. Once she saw him drive she realised she was right. ‘You drive so slowly,’ she said, ‘how do you ever get anywhere?’
‘Where is there to get?’
‘Wherever it is we’re going.’
He hadn’t told her. He wanted it to be a surprise. To both of them.
‘Let’s just drive,’ he said, ‘and stop when we’re tired.’
‘I’m tired.’
‘Already?’
‘I’m tired in anticipation.’
Was this, he wondered, a play on his having been unfaithful to her in retrospect?
He stopped the car and looked at her.
She had a suggestion. ‘Let me drive. At least that way we’ll arrive somewhere.’
He was worried that she hadn’t driven in a while, that she didn’t know the roads down here, that she wasn’t familiar with the vehicle, that she hadn’t studied the manual.
‘A car’s a car, Kevern!’
Fine by Kevern. He pulled on the hand brake, turned off the engine, and changed seats with her. Not being a car person was one of the ways he had always defined his anomalous masculinity. The men of Port Reuben wanted to kill in their cars; they accelerated when they saw a pedestrian, they revved the engines for the pure aggression of it even when their cars were parked in their garages. Then on Sundays they soaped them as though they were their whores. If they reserved such attention for their cars it was no surprise, Kevern thought, that their wives, the moment they had a drink inside them, were eager to kiss him, a man careless of cars.
Ailinn drove so fast he had to close his eyes.
‘Anyone would think Ahab’s tailing us,’ he said.
‘Ahab is tailing us,’ she told him. ‘Ahab’s always tailing us. That’s what Ahab does.’
It seemed to excite her.
‘Couldn’t we, on this occasion at least, just let him overtake us?’
She pushed her foot harder on the accelerator and wound down the window, letting the wind make her hair fly. ‘Where’s your sense of adventure?’ she asked.
Questions, questions. . Why so many feathers among the splintered furniture and ripped clothes, the broken toys, the smashed plates and fragments of glass, the bricks, the window frames, the pages torn from books holy and profane? Feathers from the mattresses hurled from upper windows, of course, but there are sufficient feathers in this single ruined garden to fill a mattress for every rioter in the city to enjoy the sleep of the righteous on. One feather won’t lie still. It curls, tickling itself, tries to float away but something sticky holds it to the child’s coat to which it has become attached. And where have all the hooks and crowbars appeared from? If the riots broke out spontaneously, how is it that these weapons were so plentifully to hand? Do the citizens of K sleep with crowbars by their beds? They bring them down with gusto, however they came by them, on the head of a man whom others have previously rolled in a ditch of mud and blood and feathers. A ritual bath. They rolled him and then wrung him out like a rag. The sounds of bones cracking and cries for help mingle with the furious triumphant shouts of murderers and the laughter of onlookers. Which prompts another question: when is wringing a man out like a rag funny?
SEVEN. Clarence Worthing
i
ALL WAS NOT well about the heart of Detective Inspector Gofuckyourself. (It wasn’t to be supposed he hadn’t registered Kevern Cohen’s unspoken contempt. He had good ears. He could pick up an unspoken insult from three counties away. So face to face, and knowing nothing of the other’s squeamishness in the matter of obscenities, he was hardly likely to have missed what Kevern wished he would do to himself.)
He was overworked — that contributed to his malaise. In his lifetime, at least, the county had never seen so much serious crime. Murders, attempted murders, robberies with violence, infidelity with violence, a seething resentment of somebody or something that issued in behaviour it was difficult to quantify but which he described to himself as a breakdown of respect, in particular a breakdown of respect to him.