It hadn’t been instant or easy, but Patch had become the sister she never had. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t a lion. Didn’t matter that she preferred hiking boots and jeans—like she was wearing now—to dresses and heels. None of that could touch the bond they’d formed as two lonely cubs who’d promised one another they’d never be alone again.
“You don’t have to marry him, you know.”
If it had been anyone else, Lila would have deflected, turning the conversation back to light topics, but this was Patch.
“I don’t have to. But I will.” She sighed and dropped her empty into the bucket, taking Patch’s as well and handing out the next round. “Do you think that makes me a coward? Because I’m always doing the easy thing, trying to make everyone else happy?”
“Is that always the easy thing?”
It wasn’t. Trust Patch to know that. “I don’t please people because I’m scared to be myself.”
Patch looked at her, the gold of her eyes gleaming a little in the darkness. “You aren’t a coward, Lila. Where’s that coming from?”
Santiago. “It’s nothing. Just something someone said.”
“Well, someone is an ass. It takes a brave woman to sign on to be the Alpha’s mate.”
Lila took another swig of beer. It was darker than she liked, the taste sharper than the fruity ales she preferred, but tonight she liked the bite. She didn’t feel brave. She didn’t know what she felt. Not how a bride was supposed to feel, that was for sure. “I don’t know why I’m not more excited. I get to plan a wedding. And force you to wear a dress loaded with ruffles and flounces.”
Patch ignored her attempt to goad her with bridesmaid dress hell. “You don’t love him.”
“I don’t see how that matters. My parents don’t love each other. It’s never been a problem for them.”
“You aren’t your mother.”
“No. More’s the pity.”
A white fence appeared out of the darkness beside them. The elk enclosure. They’d come farther than she thought.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
No, Patch was her staunchest ally. She would never say what Lila always thought the pride elders were thinking. That Lila didn’t have her mother’s strength. That she didn’t have her poise and intellect and leadership ability. That Lila wasn’t Alpha’s mate material at all. That she was just a girly pleaser who could play the role when it was easy but would buckle under the first real threat.
“I just meant that you’ve always wanted to be in love,” Patch explained. “Ever since we were kids.”
She had. It was almost embarrassing to admit, since she’d known since birth that no fairy tale prince was going to sweep her off her feet. She had a role to play and falling in love wasn’t part of it. “Maybe I’ll fall in love with Roman. He’s very…” She couldn’t think of anything. He was handsome. He was smart. He was strong and powerful. He was everything a lion should be. “He’s a great man.”
He just never looked at her like she was even remotely special. He looked at her like a duty. She supposed there was affection there, but no interest. No passion. No heat. He didn’t look at her like…
Like Santiago looks at me.
Lila squashed the thought. That wasn’t lust. Santiago didn’t even like her. At least Roman felt affection for her. She could build on affection. Maybe she could even fall in love with him—though it was harder to imagine him falling in love with her.
That was it. The icy stone of fear lodged inside her heart. Her husband would never love her. No matter how many people she pleased or how pretty she was or how wonderful he was or how much she learned to adore him, Roman would never see her as worthy of love above all others.
Lila whirled and chucked her empty bottle as hard as she could toward a fence post. It struck dead center, shattering in a magnificent shower of glass. And her brief flash of rage instantly deflated. “Crap. I should clean that up.”
Patch caught her arm when she moved to set down the bucket. “You aren’t cleaning up broken glass at night with your bare hands. We’ll get it in the morning.” She reached up and gently removed a red ribbon from Lila’s hair and went to the fence, her hiking boots crunching in the glass, and tied the ribbon around the post. “There. X marks the spot.”
Patch picked up the bucket, handing her a fresh beer and they walked on, Patch giving her silence for several minutes, until Lila couldn’t take the quiet anymore.
“Sorry,” Lila murmured. “That was juvenile.”
“You’re allowed to be upset. And you know I won’t tell anyone.”
“I shouldn’t be upset,” Lila growled. “I’m just so annoyed with myself that I’m not excited. I’m supposed to be thrilled, damn it. This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life, isn’t it? For years I’ve been complaining that I’m going to be the oldest virgin in the world because none of the other members of the pride will so much as kiss me lest they offend Roman by getting their scent on me. I’m finally going to have someone who is obliged to sleep with me—” Obliged to sleep with me. That didn’t sound so good.
“You could always have gone the human route.”
“And always have to worry about whether or not I’m going to lose control and shift during sex? No, thank you. Just kissing humans is weird enough. They smell so…weird.”
“They don’t smell weird. You’re just a lion elitist. Admit it.”
“Lions smell right,” Lila argued.
Patch tipped her head back, her nostrils flaring. “Speaking of lions smelling right, is that Roman?”
Lila inhaled the wind in her face and the distinctive leonine musk it carried. Shit. Roman was the last person in the world she wanted to see right now. Tipsy and far too honest was not the best way to face the man who was going to be her husband. What the hell was he doing out here?
They couldn’t see or hear him yet, but the scent was strong enough that they should soon. Escape. She had to escape.
The bucket in Patch’s hand looked like salvation.
“Oh, would you look at that, we’re out of beer. What kind of fiancée would I be if I couldn’t offer him one? I’ll run back and grab another bucket.”
“Lila?” Patch wasn’t an idiot. She’d obviously picked up on Lila’s irrational panic at the idea of seeing her husband-to-be. “Do you want me to—?”
“No! No, I’ve got this. We’re good. You guys just, you know, talk or whatever and I’ll be right back with some more brewskies. Lickety split.”
Patch had always been the more athletic of the two of them, but there was one way in which she’d never been able to compete with Lila. The lioness was fast when she wanted to be. And tonight she wanted to be.
Lila ran.
Chapter Four
Maybe she was a coward after all. There really wasn’t any other explanation for the fact that she was fleeing from her fiancé. Lila slowed to a walk, stumbling a little as the alcohol sloshed through her bloodstream. She was almost back to where she’d shattered the beer bottle. She was really having a bang up night. Temper tantrums, running away—
The thought evaporated as she saw the figure standing in the darkness next to the fence post with her hair ribbon tied around it, staring out over the elk enclosure. For a second she was terrified Roman had circled around them and she would have to face him after all, then she realized the form didn’t have the bulk to be the future Alpha. No, this shadow was all sleek strength, dark hair, and the smoky scent of a jaguar teasing her as the wind shifted.