"Holy shit, it's true!" Bash crowed. The rest of his words were drowned out in a chorus of hoots and hollers. Jax was being showered in high-fives and I couldn't see what it was they were cheering about.
"Shove over!" I shouted, elbowing Jax in the ribs. Too late he must have realized how this would look and tried to put his hand on my shoulder. But I already saw what it was.
"Jaxson Blue: Countdown." The website was just one huge stopwatch lined with shirtless pictures of Jax. I was about to ask what the heck it was when it hit me. "Your birthday?" I asked.
"Ladies are waitin' for our Jaxy boy!" Bash declared, clapping Jaxson on the back.
I felt nauseous. A whole website devoted to when he turned eighteen. Jaxson met my eyes for a second, looking pained, then turned around and shouted, "Hey, look, it's almost midnight!" "
I should have known then. I should have hardened my heart and realized he could never belong to me.
"Aren't you going to say anything at all, Liliana?" Annie leaned back in her chair. "It's been forever since we last saw you. How are you?"
I looked up from my plate, embarrassed at being caught out in my reverie. "Jetlagged," I told her, truthfully. I looked down at the menu. "And hungry."
"Mmhm." Annie had already lost interest. "I'm glad you're here."
"Me too," I sighed. "I'm so happy for you and Dad."
Annie's right hand was weighed down with heavy silver rings embedded with chunks of uncut gemstones and hunks of turquoise, but her left hand was bare. The better to show off the sparkler on her ring finger. She flicked her long, layered hair over her shoulder and my eye went right to it. She smiled and extended her hand. "He did good, didn't he?"
I glanced at my bearded, long-haired father and then back to the delicate, modern design of the ring, a dazzling solitaire set into a pattern of etched leaves and vines around the band. "You picked this out?" I asked. I didn't mean to sound as surprised as I did.
My dad grunted a mixture of pride and disgust. "Yes, I did. Give me at least some credit, here."
"It's why he waited so long," Jax piped up. He was slouched in his chair like a petulant teenager in spite of how well he had grown up this past year. I kind of understood. Being out like this, with our parents monopolizing everything, made me feel like an awkward teen myself. "He didn't trust himself to get the ring right until fifteen years had gone by."
Nails raised his bushy browns. He was trying to figure out if Jax was insulting him or not, I could tell. I honestly wasn't sure myself.
"Right," my dad finally said, deciding to be jovial. "I was already on thin ice. I couldn't afford to fuck the ring up too." He shot a sheepish look at me. "Whoops. Sorry, Lily."
I blinked at him. "Sorry? Wait, did you really just apologize for swearing in front of me?"
Dad nodded.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Dad, do you have any idea how many billions of curse words I've heard you lay out while I was touring with you?"
I meant it to be funny, but my dad went silent and cast his eyes down on his plate. Annie quietly covered his hand with hers. A pop of flash from the front of the restaurant momentarily blinded me and I was suddenly pissed. "What?" I demanded. "Why are we all acting like someone died here? I'm just used to Dad swearing, that's all I'm saying."
"That… that doesn't make me feel good, Lil," my dad said gruffly. He cleared his throat.
"Why the hell should it make you feel bad?"
He slammed his meaty fist down. "Dammit, Lil, because fathers aren't supposed to fucking swear in front of their kids! Shit!"
I sat back, shocked. I had never heard my father say a single word about parenting or how fathers were supposed to act in front of their kids. I didn't think he cared about stuff like that.
A heavy silence weighed down the air. I looked from my dad to Annie to my dad again, trying to figure out what I could say. "It's okay," didn't seem strong enough for whatever it was my father was trying to say here. But it was all I could think to say. "It's fine, it's okay, don't worry about it." Those were things I had told Nails my entire life, excusing him from everything he missed, forgiving all of the things he forgot.
Finally, I shot a frantic look at Jax. He put down his fork and nodded at me, just the slightest tilt of his chin. And just like that, the burden was lifted. He was going to take care of it.
"Three separate curse words in one single sentence," Jax mused, sounding impressed. "You've definitely turned over a new leaf, Nails."
"Oh, fuck off," my Dad leaned forward and the heavy silence lifted. "You're not my kid, so I can swear at you as much as I want, you little shit."
"Honestly, Jaxson," Annie huffed, "why do you always have to stir the pot?"
Jax grinned, the natural order of things restored. "Thank you," I mouthed to him, feeling a rush of affection and gratitude.
His mouth twisted strangely. "No problem, Bit," he said out loud. Too loud.
Heat flamed across my cheeks. "What was that, Jax?" Annie asked.
"Oh, nothing," Jax said airily, looking me dead in the eye. "Liliana was just thanking me for trying to lighten the mood here."
He saves me only to throw me to the wolves? What the hell, Jaxson? "What?!" I said sharply, "No, I didn't mean…" I looked from Annie to my dad. Both of them were staring daggers at me and I knew I was in for a rambling, long-winded talk about feelings. I glowered at Jax, grateful at least that he'd have to suffer through it too.
"It occurs to me…" Annie sat back in her chair, wielding her favorite opening line.
"Whatever. Listen," Jax pushed his chair back, "as much fun as this little oversharing family time has been, I've got shit to do." His chair scraped across the floor obnoxiously. "Don't wait up."
He disappeared around the back, deftly avoiding the photographers, and leaving me with our parents like some sacrificial lamb.
"Lily, have you any idea what's going on with Jax?" Annie said.
"Going on?" I stammered. "No, I just got here, how the hell would I know?"
"I don't know, you two seemed awfully close for a while."
I squirmed under Annie's gaze, tripping over how exactly how close we were. "Wish I could tell you something helpful, but I know even less than you do. Today was the first time we talked since I left for New York." My ears burned as I remembered exactly why I had left.
And just like that, I hated him again.
Chapter Twelve
Jaxson
It was a new place, louder and more raucous than our usual haunts, but tonight, that suited me just fine.
"Dude, slow down. I'm not in the mood to be cleaning up your puke tonight."
I finished my shot anyway and then leveled my gaze on Casper. My guitarist, and the closest thing I had to a friend, was so pale that the black lights made him glow. "I already have a mother," I slurred. "I don't need another one."
"I've met your mother, asshole!" he shouted over the sound of the bass. "She signed my guitar."
"I'm never going to forgive you for that. Traitor."
Casper grinned, his teeth glowing blue. "It's my retirement plan! In case my boss drinks himself to death instead of finishing his album."
"Don't call me your boss!" I groaned. "Makes me sound like I'm paying you to hang out with me."