"Look," I said tiredly, letting the dress fall in a heap around my sneakers. "I really appreciate all of the personal attention today, but I don't want to waste your time anymore."
She looked relieved. "I'm sure you'll find a dress, Miss Nesbit. Thank you for shopping at Bellamy. Please give Miss Blue our sincere congratulations."
"Yup," I said, yanking my shirt back on. Two stores down, one to go. If Paloma Veldt's didn't have something on the rack that fit me, Annie was just going to have to accept a fungus-colored stepdaughter on the altar with her.
I shot my salesgirl a rueful smile and headed out into the relentless sunshine, where I was immediately swallowed up by the crowds of gorgeous, healthy, model-esque people flitting from yoga classes to juice bars. I felt like a Hobbit amongst the elves. And then I felt like a total nerd for making that comparison.
Paloma Veldt's was on the same block of storefronts that looked like they had been built only yesterday. After only a year away, my eyes had grown accustomed to New York's grit and history. Everything here was shining and brand-spanking new.
And that included the people. A limber-looking guy with a man-bun and a yoga mat tucked under his arm shot me a smile as I passed him. He looked like the kind of guy who read poetry, who donated to charities, and who liked to cuddle. The type who would make sweet, tender love to me and possibly tear up afterward. Exactly the kind of guy I always told myself I needed to find. I waited to feel something, anything, like attraction. But all I could think was that he wasn't Jax.
You're a complete disaster today, I muttered to myself as I pushed open the door to Paloma's. Dress-shopping is only going to add to your misery. I was feeling dark, bleak and just wanted to lock myself in my room and lick my wounds. Instead I let my fingers dance along the racks of gorgeous dresses as the memory came flooding back.
I stabbed the off button on the TV, my breath coming in short, staccato gasps. "No one special," he had said. I was waiting for him to say my name, but instead he dismissed me, dismissed us…
Anger launched me off the couch. I threw on yesterday's clothes in a rumpled mess and headed for the door of the studio.
Greg Fingers looked up from the paper he was reading in the front office. "Mornin', Bit," he greeted me. Thank God he was already stoned and didn't seem to care why I had been asleep in the studio.
"Have you seen Jax?" I demanded.
His eyes went unfocused for a moment and I bit my lip impatiently. "Greg, where's Jaxson?" I snapped.
He came back like he was swimming up from the depths. "Party. At Annie's room."
The Chateau. "Thanks, Greg."
"Hey, Bit, what's going on with your hair?" He seemed genuinely confused. I touched my brown mop and felt the snarls. Jaxson's fingers had made a mess of it.
"New look I'm trying," I said, angrily biting off my words and pushing my way into the merciless California sunshine.
The words “walk of shame” were used too casually. The heap of shame that weighed down on my shoulders almost slowed me to a crawl. I hung my head up until the moment I pushed the door to Annie's penthouse a little wider.
Girls. Everywhere. I didn't know them. But they sure seemed to know Jax.
I saw red.
"Can I get you something to drink, Jaxy?" one of them simpered. It was ten in the goddamned morning and he was under twenty-one, but from the look of her, getting Jax drunk was her topmost priority.
He smiled at her. "I'd love a Jack and Coke."
"You'd love it?" I called from the foyer. I meant to sound bitingly sarcastic, but it came out more as a deranged screech. Everyone in the room turned to look at me. I could see myself in the reflection of the glass-walled entryway. Puffy face, splotchy with anger, my hair a snarled rat's nest haloing my head. I looked unhinged. One of the girls tittered nervously.
"Hey, Bit," Jax called casually. "You look like you had a rough night."
The girls laughed harder. I ignored them. "You'd love a Jack and Coke. Is that like how you love me?"
"What the hell are you going on about?'
"The interview?" My voice was rising into the stratosphere. " 'No one special?' "
All of the female heads swiveled to look at him. His hands, which had been at his knees as he leaned forward listening, went behind his head. He laced his fingers casually and looked at me with that arrogant smirk that made my blood boil.
"Bit, why don't you go shower, get dressed, and come back? Get a cup of coffee while you're at it. You're not making sense."
I shook my head slowly. There was still an ache between my legs from last night, when I had lost my …when he had taken ….
"You didn't mean a word of it," I whispered.
His cocky smile faltered a little bit and he cast a hasty look around at our audience. "You're deluded."
"You're a cocky asshole," I shot back.
He leaned back and nodded at me. "You got that right, babe."
The heartbreak of watching the interview, seeing him publicly deny me, was one thing. But standing there while he posed and postured in front of an all-female audience, living out his basest rock star fantasies the morning after he told me he loved me…
That's what I could never forgive. No matter how my body ached for him, there was still that undeniable truth: he was a cocky asshole and would only break my heart again if I let him into my life.
Of course, there was the slight problem of him being in my life forever now.
I walked up to the counter. "Hi, I'm…" my voice faltered and I pressed my fingers in to the shining blonde wood. The icy blonde behind the counter raised an eyebrow at me. "Sorry. I'm just trying to get used to saying the words out loud. This is the first time I've ever said them to a stranger. Let me start again, okay?" I swallowed. "You were supposed to have some dresses set aside for me for a wedding this weekend? I'm Liliana Nesbit, Annie Blue's future stepdaughter?" I cleared my throat. "Jaxson Blue's future stepsister?"
Chapter Thirty
Jax
"Slow down, Jax." Bash was sweating.
"I am going slow." I paused and switched the wood to the other shoulder. This was the last piece off the truck. "Watch out for that mud right there."
"Right where?" Bash stepped right where I was pointing. "Oh, fuck me sideways!" he cried as his footing gave way.
His creative cursing was no use. The heavy piece of wood fell to the ground and began rolling toward the cliff edge. "Grab that!" I shouted to Diggs, who nodded and began sprinting. Bash took off after him and I was about to follow suit when a shrill voice screeched across the lawn.