"Who?"
"Elfs."
"Oh."
"I didn't think my people — humans — would be a serious threat. There is an entire family dead because I didn't start asking the right questions soon enough. I have to live with that. You think I'm bad because I killed those responsible. I think I'm bad because I didn't kill them earlier."
He looked down. "What are you going to do now?"
"Well, if you don't kill me, I'm going to hide until I can move again."
"Hide? From who?"
"The people who've been chasing me all along."
"Who are they?"
"I made an enemy of a large criminal organization among the elfs. They want my head."
"Oh."
"So I'll hide for a while, and when I can move again, I'll leave here and go back where I belong, back where I know the rules, and the only people I get killed are the ones who deserve it. I'll be a bad man among other bad men."
"I'm not going to kill you," he said.
"That's good to hear. Because it might be that you could right now, and there aren't many I've said that to."
"But what you did is still wrong."
"Is it? Why? Who says someone should be permitted to hurt me with impunity?"
"It's bad to carry hate around with you."
"I'm not carrying it around. I got rid of it. I put it to good use."
"All those people you killed."
"What about them?"
"They had family. Mothers. Brothers. Lovers. People who cared about them, and who
didn't do anything to you, and who you've hurt." "Let them come for me, if they care to try. In a year or so, anyway." "That isn't the point."
I dropped it there, because I didn't have a good answer. I still don't. I won't play the hypocrite and make some crap-filled remarks about how sometimes people get hurt and it's just a necessary part of the cost. I don't know, and I don't care. I know those bastards couldn't get away with what they did, and they didn't, and I'm happy about it. Whatever that makes me is what it makes me. You decide; I'm done thinking about it.
"Do you want some more food?"
"In a while. Right now, I just want to close my eyes."
I did so, and presently I heard his footsteps, then the door closing.
"Was that true, Boss?"
"Eh? Most of it.”
"No, about hiding for a year, then going back."
"Oh. Almost.”
"Almost?"
"I'm not quite done with the town of Burz. There's still Sackeresh."
"Boss—"
"Relax. It'll be half a year at least, probably more before I'm in shape. And I know the town now. No one will even see me."
"Okay, Boss. If you have to kill him, okay. But—"
"I'm not going to kill him, Loiosh. That would be much too kind."
I think I fell asleep somewhere in there; when I woke up again, we had arrived in the City.
epilogue
Tadmar: Noble Boraan and good Lefitt have Once again this eve Shown that murder cannot prevail— If that's what you believe. Our criminal led off in chains The stern Magistrate to face; While here the jars of gratitude Are in their accustomed place. For when all the lines have been spake Though to distant towns we've ranged We return you now to a theater plain Amused, we hope, and changed. We introduce the placers now Who have delivered each their lines So we may at last get off our feet And you off your—chairs.
—Miersen, Six Parts Water Curtain Call
I like to think the Jhereg assassin—whoever he was—had something all set up, and if I’d remained in town an hour longer he’d have had me. I like to think that. It appeals to my sense of the dramatic. In fact, I have no idea; all I know is that I got out of town still breathing.
That was three years ago, and they haven’t gotten me yet.
Meehayi helped me find a hiding place—not that hard in a big city—and stayed with me until I could walk well enough to find one he didn’t know about; then I gave him some gold and sent him traveling. I suggested he wait at least a couple of years before returning to Burz.
Apparently one of the things the witches had been giving me was for pain, and when they stopped giving it to me things got unpleasant. There are a few months in there that don’t bear thinking about or talking about, but I got past it.
It was, in the end, just about a year that I was in hiding in Fenario, before I felt like myself again. Then I returned to Count Saekeresh’s manor , and snuck in one night, found the vault in the basement, opened it, took what I wanted, and left. I honestly have no idea if Her Imperial Majesty Zerika the Fourth has the least interest in a process for mass-producing high-quality paper, but it is now in her hands, courtesy of the Imperial Post, and the idea tickles me. I think even Meehayi would approve; not that I care.
In all, it was a year and a couple of weeks from when I had stood on Mount Saestara and failed to see the future that I stood there again, and, I imagine, did no better. But I was well and whole; well, almost whole. For as stupid as I was, I guess I got off lucky.
“Loiosh, do you remember that peasant who helped us bury the Merss Family?”
“Sure, Boss.”
“He started to say something about them. About how one winter they did something or other.”
"I remember."
The wind was very cold.
"I wish I'd let him finish the story," I said.
I stood on the mountain and didn't look back. Looking ahead, I couldn't see my future at all, which I figured was probably just as well.