I turned my back to them and took Sangwon’s hand, leading him to the other side of the cave.
The man didn’t follow us, but he spoke loudly so everyone else could hear. “We won’t force you, just think about it. You want to take care of Sangwon. Right? You can make money to cure his rotten leg, and help him get a regular education. Think about how pathetic he is. He’ll lose his leg pretty soon. After a while, his whole body may rot.”
Sangwon growled at them, like an animal.
The man put his hands in his pockets and whistled to his friends to leave. “You can think about it until the next time. Bye, Sangwon. Take care of that leg.”
As the men departed, people exhaled sighs of relief. I was frightened; they said they didn’t force people, but it was clearly a threat. I looked at Sangwon’s leg, the man’s suggestion ringing in my head.
Sangwon looked at me angrily and said, “Don’t even think about it. Don’t trust them, they are scoundrels. Everything they say is pure trash. They work for their own greedy stomachs, not for us. They sell women every day.”
I rested my hand on his head and assured Sangwon I wasn’t taken in by their suggestion. But I was concerned as I looked around the cave. It was a temporary shelter for all of us. None of us knew where we could go or how we would make a living elsewhere, but we also knew the cave wasn’t safe. Sangwon and I had made plans to move on in a platter of weeks. We needed more time to get over our physical problems. Sangwon suggested we go to a big city, where it would be easier to hide our identities and to adjust. We decided to depend on each other until it was best to separate. His leg was looking better as the weather warmed up, but the man’s warning that Sangwon’s body would fall apart stayed with me.
Several days later, the men returned early in the morning, before anyone had left for town. They didn’t harass me, but I didn’t like their smiles as they shuffled around, full of entitlement.
One asked me, “How is it living here?”
I didn’t respond.
“Tell me what you did over there.” He came closer.
“You didn’t run away just because of hunger—did you commit a crime? Do you have some secret you can’t tell us?” He sat in front of me. I took a step back and averted my face.
Sangwon, who had just awoken, tried to sit up. I patted his shoulder and said to the man, “It’s none of your business.”
“I know that,” the intruder said. “I’m just asking. I want to help you.”
“I can help myself.”
Another of the men shouted to him, “Why do you bother her? Come over here.”
A woman who had arrived at the cave when we did was speaking to the men privately. One of them touched her shoulder and said, “That’s a good decision. You won’t regret it.” Then they took her to a corner of the cave and spoke to her in a low voice; she nodded and went back to her place. She quietly packed her belongings and sat down, avoiding the eyes of the people watching her. She told her story to the woman who slept next to her.
She had crossed the border carrying her two-year-old daughter on her back. She said that as she was crossing the river, something yanked on her hair, but she didn’t turn back. After she got across, she took her daughter down off her back and found that she was dead. The thing pulling on her hair was her drowning daughter. When she arrived at the cave, her spirits were low. She was a gazelle-eyed woman who seemed unable to endure the hardship. She spent her days in silence, watching the ceiling. Sometimes, at night, we could hear her muffled crying. No one could console her.
The cave dwellers were used to such tragedies; many of them had similar stories themselves. They tried to ignore her and sleep, as they were loath to be reminded of their own sadness.
In the days that followed, people went back to their own business, working on the outside and trying to save for their futures. Nobody knew how much money others kept and what kind of food they had in their backpacks. We all had our secret hiding places. It was the strictest rule not to touch other people’s belongings.
The morning after the unwelcome visitors left, as people were getting ready to leave for the day, Kangmin called to Sangwon, “Did you know there is a party in town today?”
As soon as Sangwon heard, he sprang to his feet eagerly. “Really? Are you sure? I haven’t heard that.”
“Today is that grandfather’s birthdayin the Zhang family. I’m sure you can get a lot of food; the old guy especially likes you, doesn’t he?” Kangmin smiled.
Sangwon looked doubtful. “He didn’t mention it when I stopped by his house last week—that’s unlike him.”
Bangmu, who was always with Kangmin, spoke up, “He’s an old guy. At his age it is easy to forget things. Why don’t you go? I’m sure they’ve started the party by now.”
Sangwon was already putting his clothes on as he spoke. “Let’s go. We can get a lot of food.” He drew me by the arm.
Bangmu put his hand on Sangwon’s shoulder and said, “Why don’t you go with me? She can’t carry a lot of food, but I can help you. We’ll bring back a load of food and have a party here. In the meantime, Kangmin and Jia can find bush clover so we can cook rice and scorched rice water.”
Sangwon grabbed his coat, “Let’s go then. Sister, I will be back soon. Try to find as much clover as possible. I’m going to bring a lot of food so all of us can eat to our hearts’ content.” He proudly tapped his chest.
They left at a trot. Sangwon looked like a little squirrel; his limping was a piteous sight.
Watching him leave, Kangmin said from behind me, “Let’s go pick some branches. I know where to find bush clover.”
Kangmin walked really fast. I liked him; he never said much, but everyone trusted him. People in the cave didn’t talk about their past lives. Sangwon said people used to speak freely about their work back home, and why they had decided to cross the river. But then some were arrested by the North Korean police, and they divulged other people’s secrets to lessen their punishment. After that, people exchanged warm greetings in the cave, but no one shared their past.
As we climbed down the mountain, however, Kangmin told me about himself. He said he had to support his seven brothers and sisters in North Korea. He was a soldier who had firmly trusted in communism and still believed the ideology. He had a nine-year-old brother who was born blind but was full of energy and ambition. One day, his brother disappeared—he went outside by himself and was so hungry he ate some poisonous grass without realizing it. After that, he couldn’t speak or hear at all; he lost every connection to the world. That’s when Kangmin had decided to cross the border, in the hope of saving some money and eventually bringing his brothers and sisters back with him to China.
Suddenly, he stopped and looked around.
“Is this the place where we can find bush clover?” I asked.
“Yeah. I think so…hold on.”
He whistled. A moment later, someone whistled back.
The three men who had visited the cave earlier suddenly appeared through the bushes. They approached us. One smiled and said, “Oh, what a coincidence! Sangwon’syoungmother! ”
With them was a woman I hadn’t seen before. She wore thick makeup. Her long hair, parted in the middle, hung down to her waist, and her tiny, button-shaped eyes contrasted sharply with her long eyebrows, which swept back to her hairline.
She walked up to me, ahead of the men. “Is this the girl?” she asked.
The man who had threatened me walked up behind her. “Right. What do you think?”