She bent over the counter and slowly unfolded her arms, letting the snacks tumble out in front of the cashier. “Didn’t want to drop any of it,” said Jillian.
“Alright, sweetie,” said the cashier.
“She called me sweetie because I was getting all these sweets,” said Jillian in the parking lot. Jillian was carrying the plastic shopping bag close to her chest, as if there were no bag. “This is my catch,” she said. “Pretty good haul.”
Whaaat, thought Megan when Jillian got back to the office with her enormous sack of cookies.
“Hey, girl,” said Jillian. “Did you know they have individual Crystal Lites right by the water in the fridge section of Walgreens?”
“What is crystal light?” said Megan. Sounds like a kind of PCP.
“This is Crystal Lite, you nut,” said Jillian, reaching into the sack. She held the marker sized tube of flavored sugar up to her face and shook it. “It’s good.”
“What is it, sugar?” asked Megan.
“Yeah, kind of.” Jillian sat down and began to spread out her bounty. Megan tried to breathe and just let the universe be and not get involved and not worry about it and just mind her own business and do her job and stuff.
Jillian cracked the Evian, emptied two Crystal Lites into it and then shook the bottle. It really felt like she was making lunch or something. She set the bottle at a particular distance from her mouse pad and then put the Pop-Tarts and some of the cookies in her file cabinet drawer. This really feels like I’ve got a stash supply, she thought. She unwrapped the cookie and put as much of it in her mouth as she could and then started laughing.
What the fuck? thought Megan.
Hahaha, this cookie is hilarious for some reason, thought Jillian. Mmm, and so good. You know, I heard somewhere that, like, carbs and sugar and stuff can give you a power burst for work. She finished the cookie, washed it down with Crystal Lite, and then tested her theory.
“Oh yeah,” she said. This works great.
“‘Oh yeah’ what?” said Megan.
“Huh?” said Jillian.
“You just said ‘Oh yeah.’”
“Oh, you know me, I was just talking out loud.”
Now that’s how you tempt me, Jillian, if you want to know how to really tempt me, if you want to be some kind of a temptress for me.
But don’t say it.
Jillian started typing rapidly.
Don’t say that she means to say “thinking out loud,” that the expression is “thinking out loud” and that that’s what talking is, communicating or thinking out loud. Talking is always out loud.
Then Jillian started making reminder calls.
Unless it’s like money talks or body language.
“Oh, hi! This is Jillian calling from Dr. Schraeder’s office! Yeah! Hahahaha, yuh-huh, sure is! I’m just calling to remind you you have a, um, a colonoscopy appointment for next week. Oh yeah, well, we look forward to seeing you then, haha. Ok, you too!”
Jillian was using the baby voice and continued laughing after she hung up the phone.
Today is great. Jillian was still floating along. Talking to people is a lot of fun. “Megan, we are so lucky, did you know that?”
“What, you mean to be Americans or something?”
“No, silly. Our jobs. I love my job so much. I just love it here so much. We are so lucky. We could be working at, you know, a steel mill or something. Sorting grommets. But we have it so nice here. Everyone is so nice here.”
Megan turned around and said, “I don’t think I would ever work at a steel mill, Jillian.”
Jillian reached into her file cabinet and brought out a packet of Pop-Tarts.
“Oh, yeah, but you know what I mean.” Jillian’s eyes widened. “Mmmm,” she sighed. “Oh man, these are so good.”
“Pop-Tarts?”
“You want one? They come in packs of two,” said Jillian.
“Yeah, I know. But, I’m fine with the salad I brought.”
God, what? Megan turned around and looked at the colon of a healthy 50-year-old woman. It was pink and winding. Jillian sighed in the background and Megan tried to force herself to get back on track. I have to file these colons, she thought. That’s what I’m doing here. This is important medical stuff.
She filed the woman’s colon and switched to the next, which was filled with sludge. Jillian looked at these same pictures all day. This guy was a 40-year-old drinker, smoker, and snacker. It chagrined her to imagine this as the future state of both her and Jillian’s bowels. Annoyed her to know that they shared that fate together, probably.
THE 90-MILLIGRAMS of Tylenol T3 with codeine wore off before the day was over. Jillian left the bottle at home because the bottle said not to operate heavy machinery while taking them and, duh, she knew the bottle meant, like, cars and tractors and stuff, but she would be using a computer all day and computers were heavy and she was covering her bases. When she got home she decided it was ok to take one, just one, because she was in a lot of pain from her accident. The bottle said, “take with pain when needed.”
She felt so sad leaving Crispy locked in the bathroom all day, but that was the only place she could leave the dog where the poop and pee would be easy to clean up. There it was, it was gross, but it was true and there it was.
“Hey, Crispy!” she said.
She still hadn’t gotten Crispy that pull-toy yet and the bath mat was pretty much shredded.
“Get on out of here,” said Jillian, and Crispy obeyed and started tearing ass around the apartment in circles. Jillian took a big wad of toilet paper and used it to pick up the turds and mop up the urine and vomit (which she noticed had some threads from the bath mat in it, Crispy!). She put these wads in the toilet and flushed and then performed one more wipe-down of the floor. She fed Crispy and filled her water bowl.
“Do you need to go out?” she asked. Crispy cocked her head. “No?” Crispy got in the play position. “Ok, I guess you don’t want to go out,” said Jillian.
Jillian went to take that one Tylenol, then sat down and turned on the tv. She was pooped. Elena came over with Adam.
“Oh, hey, I just got back from taking Crispy on a walk! Good timing,” said Jillian.
“I have to run,” said Elena. “Are you coming to the 80s party this weekend?”
Jillian looked off into the distance. “Yeah, I guess so,” she said.
“Ok, could you come a little early? We need help setting up.”
“Well, sure,” said Jillian. “Yeah, I could do that.”
“Ok, I can’t pick you up, but you can bring Adam. There’ll be a little day care set up for him and the other kids to play in. We’ll set up a movie for them to watch or something.”
“Oh, yeah, I could bring Charlotte’s Web.”
“That won’t be necessary, we have plenty of Veggie Tales.”
“Oh, of course.”
“See you Saturday around one, then?”
“Yeah, and tomorrow, too, right?”
“Yeah. When are you getting your car out of the impound, anyway?”
“Oh, I’m still waiting to hear how much it’ll cost, and then I have to set up my court date and everything, but it’ll be soon, I promise.” This was making Jillian nervous and when Jillian got nervous she got angry and her anger expressed itself in her tone. “So, yeah, I’ll definitely be able to come and set up and do whatever you want me to, anytime, you know, ok?”
Elena looked at her and left.
“Gee whiz,” said Jillian. “Gee whiz, right Adam?”
“Yeah, gee whiz,” said Adam.
“Who do you like more, Mommy or Miss Elena?”