Nevada, whom Daphne called a chilly bitch, had a more professional attitude toward hard dick perhaps than did the likes of sentimental heart-on-her-sleeve Daphne, but it was not as callous a one as those who’d enjoyed her services might have supposed. For Nevada, hard dick was a monument which she helped raise, sometimes merely by what she revealed or concealed, a kind of magical sleight of body, other times more dynamically, using her orifices and appendages like an artist’s tools, making something happen out of nothing — though of course it wasn’t nothing, that was just the point: monuments were never the thing itself, merely an emblem of and tribute to it. All her life, at least since she’d given up oldtime religion, Nevada had believed fundamentally in hard dick — something to hold onto in a time of trouble, she often said to Rex, a mighty rock in a weary land — and in the mystery behind it, something not visible on the surface, part human, part cosmic, which it was her task and fortune to help reveal, or at least to invoke. To erect. Which made her something of a priestess, she knew, a responsibility she took seriously (pleasure, she took seriously, too, most else besides; Nevada was at heart, contrary to the popular perception, a serious woman), keeping herself fit with a rigorous training program and staying alert to the nuances of the vocation. Now, with Rex’s accident, it was not that her faith had been shaken, but that it had deepened, drawing her beyond the iconic and the monumental into the subtler paradoxes of soft-dick love. Or such, at any rate, was the consequence of her decision to stay on here in a small prairie town she loathed with all her heart to be near to and care for the only thing human she’d ever connected to in this world since her old granny cashed in. And he needed her. The fat lady was trying to renege on their contract and might even be dangerous, and John, fearing a major lawsuit, was as usual taking the offensive and might hit Rex with everything from statutory rape to murder to force him to cut a deal. John blamed Nevada for the trouble Clarissa had got into and for what had happened to Bruce and Jennifer as well, both assumed dead, saying that as far as he was concerned she was an accessory to kidnap and murder, but he also owed her a favor for dragging his bloody child out of the creek and saving her life, for dressing both of them before the ambulance came in the clothes she’d found scattered by the roadside while tailing them (until she found the shorts, she’d thought she was following John), and for getting Rex to agree, conditionally, to say that he’d been the one driving. Nevada had expected a substantial payoff from Bruce for setting him up with his farewell cherrypop, he’d even talked about making her a full business partner of John’s, presumably by way of a final will, it was the main reason she’d wanted to go up to the cabin with John that night, but she wasn’t surprised that she’d been double-crossed. By Bruce or John or both. All she got handed by John was a wad of dark-stained bills tagged, For the pimp. Was that blood, or had Bruce wiped his ass on them? She handed them back. Suspicious by nature, she didn’t trust them anyway. When she asked John pointblank if there was a will, he said there might have been, but it wasn’t worth much, was it, if there was no body. And that was exactly how much she learned from John about what he’d found up there, though he did have effective operational control of a lot of Bruce’s properties and investments after that. What Nevada asked for, standing there in her bloody clothes in the hospital room that grim dawn, knowing she was beaten, beaten badly, was a permanent job in or near town so as to be near Rex. John gazed at her thoughtfully, then at crushed and unconscious Rex, putting things together. We can work it out, he said, and later he sold her the new health club franchise at the expanded civic center for a dollar where she gave aerobic and weight-training classes and he transferred a couple of investments into her name which were probably hers anyway, and in time they even became something like friends, though they never got it on again, nor did she wish to. Not now. Maybe later when his own dick went soft.
One day, long before that happened, when John had to make a trip up to the state capital for a meeting his father had arranged with members of the state gaming commission, Nevada said she knew someone up there John should visit. She was a professional, but she’d buy him his ticket and it would be worth his time. John doubted this and distrusted Nevada still, but took the phone number along. Before leaving, he stopped by the police station to talk with the troubled chief and suggest a career change, but learned that Otis had left for Settler’s Woods where they might have found their missing prisoner at last. Not so. “These have been here some while,” Otis said, kicking at the bones. Bulldozers, clearing the charred stumps, had turned them up at the edge of a ravine. Otis was disappointed and worried, looking edgily over his shoulder, and so was receptive to John’s proposal. He said he’d think on it and let him know when John got back. John, in turn, was sobered by the bones, and realized he’d not yet shaken off the emotional garbage of Bruce’s suicidal betrayal. Something in him still wanted the old days back, but the loss of his old friend, he knew, was permanent. The miserable asshole was either dead, which was highly likely, or, if John ever ran into him again, he’d have to kill him. Grief for John was an appetite like any other and, a man of many appetites, John believed in feeding one with another. Thus it was that the idea of an exotic fuck in the old style appealed to him as both wake and exorcism, so after the meeting, which did not go well (luckily, he’d made sure that nothing was in his own name), he called and booked an hour before dinner, figuring he could return later if she was good and he wanted a nightcap. He expected her to surprise him and she did. Not the sex. She was young, skilled, limber, thoughtful, even contemplative, better with her vagina than her mouth (she’d had a good teacher), but, except for her expressionless mask and Goldilocks wig, conventional. She fucked by the numbers, almost as though out of a manual. Probably the most exciting thing about her was her aura of terrible vulnerability: she was, whore or no, intensely virginal. She was literally trembling as he entered her. But that wasn’t the surprise either.
When Clarissa got out of traction and was able to travel, albeit with a back and neck brace and crutches, she went up to the capital for the first of the plastic surgery her father had scheduled (nothing but the best, as always), and, though she did not know her father had preceded her nor ever found out, Clarissa also paid a visit, arranged by Nevada on the promise that it was a secret between them, to her old friend Jennifer. It was a cold wintry day, and Jen’s flat was dark and chilly. The living room and bedroom looked like shutdown movie sets, very posh and with lots of soft beautiful fabrics, even on the walls, but they sat at a plain wooden table in the dismal little kitchen at the back, Jen in a droopy housecoat and close-cropped hair, drinking Diet Cokes together. It was an awkward meeting, around noontime, before Jen’s working day began, and although, thanks to Nevada, each knew a lot about what had happened to the other, they found it hard to start talking about it. It wasn’t that Jen was unhappy, really, but she was different. Or something was different between them. For one thing, Jen had taken up smoking. But more than that. She seemed thinner, more hollow cheeked, still pretty in an angular sort of way, but older, her faded complexion showing traces of creamed-off makeup. Clarissa had suggested in her phonecall that they meet for a taco or a hamburger somewhere, but Jen said she never went out anymore, so now Clarissa asked her why not, and she said she just didn’t like it out there, it was too confusing, a big meaningless blur. “In here, I know what’s what,” she said, turning her Coke glass round and round in its own sweat ring on the table. Clarissa filled Jennifer in on all the family news (“The Creep came to see me every day …”) and told her how Nevada pulled her out of the wreck and gave her the kiss of life, and Jennifer, stubbing out her cigarette in the jar lid that served as an ashtray and lighting up another, said that she and Nevada were lovers now. “Sort of. It’s more like being sisters maybe, but it’s what we have that’s steady. The men just come and go.” Clarissa was shocked but tried not to show it. Jen asked her why Rex was in her car that night and Clarissa told her. “I was really pissed off that you’d gone off with Bruce alone. I got stoned and went completely out of my skull.” “Probably they were just trying to protect you. It wasn’t very nice. I think maybe he meant to kill me and changed his mind.” She stood up, cigarette dangling in the corner of her mouth, and dropped her housecoat and Clarissa, blinking, saw slanted light on scarred flesh, and then Jen was sitting again, the housecoat wrapped around her. “It was beautiful, though. The whole cabin was full of flowers. It was like a dream I’d had.” Clarissa, trying to stay cool, said: “Well, my scars are worse, and there was nothing beautiful about it.” Jennifer nodded, stubbed her butt out in the heaped jar lid. “I’m awfully sorry.” “Except for one moment maybe, when I felt wildly free. But I can only vaguely remember it.” Clarissa went to use the bathroom, Jen helping her as far as the door, and when she came back she asked about the ruined painting hanging in there. “Marie-Claire did it. It was the only thing he gave me afterwards. A kind of souvenir. While he had me strapped down, he said he believed Marie-Claire had found a kind of final ecstasy through pure form before she died, and he wanted to use me the same way she had used her canvas. It was pretty scary.” They both agreed that Bruce was a totally screwed-up guy, though Jennifer said she still loved him, even if he was dead. Maybe that was what was different about her. When Clarissa got up to go, Jen started to cry. She apologized, and what she said, wiping her eyes on her housecoat sleeve, was: “I can never fall in love again.” “Who knows?” Clarissa said, leaning on her crutches. She was feeling strangely jealous of Jennifer, and she was ashamed of it. “Anyway, Jen, once was better than nothing.”