“Not today. He could have at least stayed sober on Thanksgiving.”
The three of them picked at their pumpkin pie, and Johnny sat at the table in his father's empty seat between Charlotte and Bobby. And as Alice started clearing the table, the doorbell rang, it was Becky and her mother and brothers and sisters. They made a noisy entrance, as Johnny sat, staring at Becky. She looked beautiful in a dark blue velvet dress, with her shining gold hair hanging down her back just the way he had loved it. Alice felt a pang of sorrow for him as she saw the way he watched her.
“Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!” Pam said as she handed Alice an apple pie she and Becky had made that morning. “How was dinner?”
“It was all right,” Alice said quietly, as Charlotte took Becky and the girls up to her room, and Johnny silently followed. Alice then suggested that Bobby take the boys up to his room, and Pam followed her into the kitchen. She could see easily that it had been a hard Thanksgiving for them, and she remembered all too well how hard it had been for them the first year after Mike died. All of the holidays had been agony for them, and it was obvious that this one was no different. At their house, Becky had cried on and off all through dinner, and talked about how much she missed Johnny.
“Where's Jim?” Pam asked, as Alice nodded toward the living room. They could hear the TV blaring.
“He's watching football. He's not in such great shape either. I guess no one is.” Even though she and Bobby could see Johnny, it was painful knowing how much the others felt his absence.
“The holidays are tough the first year. Christmas will be even worse. Start bracing yourself for it.” Alice nodded in answer, and continued rinsing the dishes.
“How's your life?” Alice asked. She had put a pot of coffee on, and Pam poured them each a cup when it was ready.
“Interesting,” she confessed with a sheepish grin. “I'm not sure what's happening, or what it means, but I think I like it. I'm still seeing Gavin, and I really like him.”
“I'm happy for you,” Alice said, sitting down at the kitchen table with her finally, once all the dishes were in the dishwasher. It was nice for both of them, having someone to talk to.
“He's great with the kids, and he's nice to me. It's been so long since I've gone anywhere, or done anything. He takes me out to dinner every Saturday. It probably doesn't mean anything, but he's good company, and it's nice to have an excuse to get dressed and have my hair done. It's fun to be more than just a mom for a change, and a chauffeur. He even plays baseball with the boys on Sunday mornings.” What Pam said made Alice wonder if she let him stay over, and Pam laughed as she saw her friend's expression. “He stays with a friend here.” They both laughed then, and chatted for a long time at the kitchen table, and then they finally went upstairs to check on their children.
The Adams girls were sitting on Charlotte's bed and the floor of her room, talking about boys and school, and Becky said something about Buzz to Charlotte. And as they chatted, Johnny was sitting at Charlotte's desk and smiling. He couldn't take his eyes off Becky. And from the doorway, Alice smiled at him. During his entire lifetime, she couldn't have paid him to sit in on a session like this one. But it was different now, and he loved being close to Becky. It was as though he wanted to drink her in, and just enjoy watching her. It seemed like he was storing one more memory to take with him.
Pam and Alice went to Bobby's room then, and Peter and Mark were tossing around one of his baseballs. Alice suggested they go outside and toss the ball around and shoot some baskets, and when they got up to go, Bobby silently followed. He liked being with them. And then the two women went downstairs again. They passed Jim sound asleep in front of the TV, with four empty beer bottles next to him. Green Bay had just scored a touchdown, and he was snoring loudly.
“How is he?” Pam whispered, as they took refuge in the kitchen, and Alice glanced out the window at their children. And this time she saw that Johnny was with them. Bobby was quietly standing next to him, as the Adams boys started shooting baskets.
“Not so great, I guess,” Alice said about her husband. “He seemed better for a while, but the past few days haven't been terrific.”
“It's the holidays,” Pam said wisely. “It'll probably be like this for all of you till after Christmas.” Alice nodded in answer, and they went on talking for another hour about the beauty school, and Gavin, and then Pam finally stood up, and said she was going to collect her troops and go home, but it took them another half hour to do it. And as they left, Johnny stood watching them from the doorway, and then came to talk to his mother in the kitchen.
“She looked pretty, didn't she, Mom?” He was talking about Becky, and his mother nodded. “She says she really likes Buzz. I'm happy for her,” he said honestly, but it was obvious that it wasn't easy for him. Letting go of Becky was one of the hardest things he had to do now, but he knew she had to have a life without him. He could offer her nothing. She couldn't even see him, unlike Bobby and his mother. He had no way of reaching out to Becky, except through his heart, and wishing her a happy future.
“I know she misses you,” Alice said kindly. “It's as hard for her as it is for you.” She wanted to say they'd both get over it in time, and she knew they would, but somehow it didn't seem right to say it. “I'd better go wake Dad up,” she said with a sigh then, and Johnny nodded.
“I'll check on Bobby,” Johnny volunteered, and then he turned, remembering something. “Are you going to Charlotte's game tomorrow?” She was playing basketball for her school, and the game was a big one.
“I thought we all would,” Alice said, turning off the lights in the kitchen.
“Dad too?” Johnny said, smiling. He was happy to hear it.
“No, he can't. He's working,” she said without expression.
“He doesn't have to work the day after Thanksgiving, Mom. He could come if he wanted.” But he never went to Charlotte's games, never had, and had no interest in them. According to him, girls were never great athletes. But he was dead wrong on this one. Charlotte was a star, even more so than he had been.
“I'll ask him,” Alice promised, more to mollify her son than because she thought Jim would do it. And then Johnny went upstairs to see his brother, and she walked into the living room, and gently shook her husband. He stirred after a minute, snorted loudly, and then squinted at her.
“What time is it?” He wasn't sure if it was night or morning.
“It's after ten. Let's go up to bed.” He nodded and stood up unsteadily. He could hardly make it up the stairs, and it made her heart ache to see it. “I'll come in in a minute,” she said, and then went to check on Bobby. He was in bed, and Johnny was reading to him, lying next to him, their heads on the pillow side by side. Both boys looked up at her and grinned. For them at least, it was the perfect Thanksgiving. “Good night, you two,” she whispered. “I love you,” she said, as she stooped over them and kissed them. “Don't let Bobby stay up too late,” she warned, and Bobby snuggled up happily next to his brother, as she gently closed the door behind her, and walked across the hall to see Charlotte. She was lying on her bed and staring up at the ceiling. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” Alice asked, looking concerned, and sat down next to her on the bed. It was easy to see that she was upset about something.
“Yeah. Sort of. It's weird hearing Becky talk about her new boyfriend. I think she really likes him.” But it made Charlie miss Johnny more.
“That's nice for her,” Alice said, and meant it. “She can't mourn Johnny forever, Charlie. It wouldn't be right. And her mom says he's really good to her. Johnny would like that. What about your game tomorrow? Are you all set for that?” Charlotte nodded, but looked unenthusiastic.
“Dad never missed any of Johnny's games,” she said in a monotone. It wasn't an accusation, just a statement. And year for year, she had won more trophies than he had at her age. “Are you coming to it, Mom?”