He stopped.
‘My brain ceased to function. And yet I remember sinking into a wilderness of currents, a kind of chasm, a Virgin Ship from which a net descended.’
‘You were dreaming my Dream of survival,’ I said quietly under my breath. ‘There’s room to accommodate hell and a passage to heaven on the Virgin Ship.’
‘What’s that? What’s that, Francisco?’
‘There’s freedom of the press and of the Word on the Virgin Ship when charismatic establishments repent. So my mother used to say of the eighteenth-century ghost of a slave-owner whom she saw in her shop in Albuoystown.’
‘Believe it or not, Francisco, a net of light fell around me. Talk about the game of space and constellations. Your talk, not mine! But now I’m unsure as we meet again in the light and the shadow of a running stream. Forgive me, Francisco, I’m dazed after the blow. All that stuff you talk about. It’s as if you’re dreaming me or I you.’ He was glaring at me accusingly.
‘Damned if I know, Francisco.’
‘Damned if I know,’ he repeated, ‘how one returns into a book — such as you’re busy writing — and into language that transgresses against one’s vested interests, one’s desire to seize time in the name of tradition and bring it to an end. Have not great prophets desired the end of the world? I am rambling again. It’s your fault! How did it fall, that net of which I speak? A blend of currents perhaps. Strange things happen in these South American rivers that bear the ghosts of Atlantis. Circumnavigation and all that by drowned ships upon the bed of oceans. The rebirth of Conquest in the sixteenth century may have possessed its root in a map in Plato’s cave.’
Strange utterance to put on Jones’s ghostly lips in my Dream-book. Ghosts of Atlantis! But they were a form of hell’s truth.
Hell’s truths are branded into the mystical dismemberments of charismatic leaders when one revisits them in shapes of fractured time within the Spring of the year preceding the Winter of the holocaust.
They speak in the active, reactive, speculative, aggressive, uncertain tongue of shared ghost-psyche within writer and written that one inhabits with them. Repentance required a new language, a new archetypal tongue in a century of abnormal cruelties inflicted by humanity upon humanity.
My repentance as well! I had been Jones’s left-hand man and close associate. When he received the blow in the river I felt that I had received it too in composite epic. Except that I had survived the holocaust and the burden of hell’s truths was inscribed into me.
Jonah and I fenced with each other in the Dream-book, in a new Circus, New World, New Carnival of savages and heathens, pre-Christian resurrected paganism that Jones despised in his charismatic Church of Eternity. He had almost infected me with his prejudices.
He and Deacon and I would eye the Arawak and Macusi women who passed through Jonestown occasionally. Jones eyed them, one eye in the belly of river beneath the reflected timbers of his house, the other in his bedroom window … Save their souls, embrace their bodies! Hell’s missionary truth.
Were they not — these women and their silent menfolk — ghosts of Atlantis? Had they not come precariously close to extinction across the centuries since the Conquest? Had they not seen their pre-Columbian continent, South and Central and North, fall into a veil akin to an oceanic grave as their bones, their cemeteries, their sacred places were pillaged, uprooted, cast aside? Atlantis was here in the Americas, North, Central and South. It was in the belly of a veiled ocean within the forests, the mountains, the valleys, within the dry land and the rivers.
‘Heathen savages,’ said Jonah, ‘you may think what you like, Francisco. I am liberal enough in my School here in Jonestown to teach them good English when they send their children to me out of the Bush. Teach them to read Charles Dickens and Jane Austen and to write in the same true vein …’
‘But when we were in College in San Francisco you told me,’ I said, ‘that you loved the American classics of anger in which the heathen — as you put it — feature so strikingly …’
‘True, true,’ said Jonah. ‘The heathen are a stick with which to beat my cursed society. Use the heathen savage as a clarion call when you wish to upbraid your civilization. Pretend to be black or red or yellow. Say you understand what black South Africans have suffered under apartheid regimes. Eskimos, South Sea islanders, whatever. I was addicted to classics of anger. I am an American charismatic preacher. But let me tell you this, Francisco. Human nature never changes. I never doubted that the heathen savage is damned. I preach salvation to the saved who must forsake time and aim at eternity.’
He spoke to me, his close associate, as if I were not there. I was no savage! I was invisible in my Dream-book.
How peculiar are the proportions of the split mind of my age, hell … How peculiar are the challenges ingrained into original epic, modern epic … My invisibility — his difficulty to see me for what I was, who I was, neither damned nor saved but drifting somewhere between the two realms in their archetypal intercourse — was the price I must pay to suffer the anguish of addiction to American classics of anger that ran through my mixed ancestries and his puritan logic. I was linked to him in self-understanding within my Dream-book because of the humour, the elemental humour, of savage gods and goddesses though he was unaware of it.
I could see Jonah in myself, suffer him in myself, with a dark humour. I could write him into organs of fire and water even as he sought to mould me (or my heathen kith and kin) into liberal Dickensian flesh-and-blood. A liberality that made me invisible to him and ripe therefore (who knows) for salvation! Such is the predicament of savage conscience in seeking to lay bare the transgression and transfiguration of anger that I sought to achieve in my Dream-book, the transgression of anger’s compulsive frame to damn and use others forever; transgression and transfiguration into a mystical dismemberment empowering a Virgin Ship, that I had begun to build, in order to cross (or contemplate crossing) every divide in hope of a third or fourth or fifth dimension beyond pure salvation or pure damnation …
Hell’s truths make us wary of complacency in ourselves and in others, wary of charismatic institutions, wary of fascism in any disguise within ourselves, within others.
It was a complex, yet profoundly simple, self-revelation … But simplicity often signifies difficulty to the bloody-minded heart. So I needed to state again, from another angle, what I had been saying about the ‘proportions of the split mind of my age’. I was so prompted by my Dream-book … The Reverend Jonah Jones (I wrote) conversed with me in hell — which I have revisited with my Skeleton-twin on this Carnival Day — about heathens and savages. He seemed blind to the fact that I am descended from such savages, that my savage conscience knows him so intimately in itself it endorses his predicament, his anger, even as it seeks to breach such endorsement, to transgress against categories of absolute damnation, absolute salvation … This riles him for he thinks he is offering me a great prize in making me — or electing me — into a pawn ripe for salvation.
His championship of me, the erstwhile savage, is a ‘liberal’ exercise in which ‘liberalism’, or ‘conservatism’, becomes a medium to upbraid his civilization for the impurities it houses. Likewise he harnesses heathens who have not yet attained my invisibility, who have not yet shed their savage pigmentation in his eyes, by sleeping with their sisters and mothers.
He sleeps with heathen women (in brothels and elsewhere) in order to gain through intercourse a vicarious measure of consanguinity with the age-old blood of the savage that he has forgotten he carries in his veins. Such forgetfulness is the bliss of eternity that he espouses. His tool of blood is intent on exercising a sanction that nullifies mixed ancestries, mixed origins. It is a privileged tool, privileged technology of sex, that violates women into a collective map of place to be conquered, to be saved, to be purified.