“You can't say that,” Maddy said softly, reaching across the table to touch his hand gently. “What happens is destiny. She could have died in a plane crash, been hit by a car, killed in the street, gotten cancer … you couldn't know what would happen. And you must have thought you were doing the right thing.”
“I did. And I never thought Colombia would be as dangerous as it was, or that we'd be so much at risk there. If I had understood that, I'd never have taken the job.”
“I know that,” Maddy said, with her hand still on his, and he took it in his own and held it. It was so comforting to be with her. “I'm sure she knew it too. It's like saying you should never take a plane because they crash sometimes. You have to lead your life as best you can, and take reasonable risks. Most of the time, it's worth it. You can't beat yourself up over it. That's not fair. You deserve better than that,” she said simply.
“So do you,” he said with her hand in his, as he looked at her across the table. “I wish you believed that.”
“I'm trying to learn,” she said softly, “I've had a lot of years of people telling me I didn't. It's hard not to hear that.”
“I wish I could take all that away from you. You deserve a much better life than you've had, Maddy. I wish I could protect you, and help you.”
“You do. More than you know. I'd be lost without you.” She told him everything now, all her hopes, all her fears, all her problems. There was nothing he didn't know about her life, far more than Jack did. And she was grateful to Bill for being there for her.
He poured them each a cup of coffee then, and they strolled outside to sit in his garden. The air was cool, but it was still pleasant, as they sat on a bench, and he put an arm around her. It had been a perfect evening, after a lovely weekend.
“We'll have to do this again sometime,” he said quietly, “if you can.” It had been lucky for him that Jack was in Vegas.
“I don't think Jack would understand it,” she said honestly. She wasn't even sure she did. She knew Jack would be angry if he knew about the dinner with Bill Alexander. But she had already decided not to tell him. There seemed to be a lot she wasn't telling him these days.
“I'm here for you, Maddy, if you need me. I hope you know that,” he said, turning to look at her in the light from his living room, and the moonlight.
“I know that, Bill, thank you.” Their eyes held for a long minute, and then he pulled her closer to him, and they sat there together for a long time, saying nothing, just silent, and at peace, comfortable with each other, as good friends should be.
Chapter 16
OCTOBER SEEMED MORE HECTIC than usual to everyone. The social season was in full swing. The world of politics seemed more fraught with tension than usual. The trouble in Iraq was still claiming lives, and people were unhappy about it. And Jack threw her a curve and hired another co-anchor for her. He was better than Brad, but he was extremely difficult, and jealous and hostile to Maddy. His name was Elliott Noble. He had co-anchored before, and although he was cold as ice, he was good, and at least this time their ratings didn't suffer. They even improved slightly. But he was miserable to work with, unlike Greg, or even Brad eventually.
A week after Elliott started, Jack announced that he was taking Maddy to Europe. He had three days of meetings in London, and he wanted Maddy to go with him. She didn't think she should leave the show so soon after Elliott had started, and she was worried that people might think he had come to replace her. But Jack insisted that no one would believe that and he was adamant about her going. She agreed to, but at the last minute, she caught a bad cold, and had an ear infection, and couldn't fly with him. So he went without her, and he was annoyed about it. He decided to stay a week as a result, and visit friends in Hampshire over the weekend. And she was just as glad, it gave her a chance to see Lizzie, and even look at some apartments with her. They had fun doing it, but didn't find anything they liked. They had plenty of time. They didn't need a place for her till December. And Bill took them both out to dinner.
And on the way home, Maddy stopped to pick up a few things at the market for breakfast, and she was startled when she saw Jack's name on the front page of the tabloids. “Is Maddy Hunter's Hubby Still Mad About Her Baby?” was the line that caught her eye, and just below it “Sweet Revenge: Looks Like He Has a New Baby of His Own.” And with it, there was a picture of him with another woman. It was hard to know if they had doctored it, or if it was the genuine article. But there was a photograph of him leaving Annabel's, hand in hand with a very pretty, very young blond woman. And his expression was startled. Maddy s was even more so as she stared at it, and then put it on the counter with her other things. She read it carefully when they went home, and she admitted to Lizzie that she was upset about it.
“You know how those things are. He was probably in a big group or something, or maybe she's just a friend, or someone else's wife or date. They're pretty disgusting, and most of it is just lies anyway. No one ever believes them,” Lizzie said, comforting her mother, which was entirely possible, but Maddy felt as though she had been slapped as she stared at Jack and the woman standing next to him in the picture.
He hadn't called her in two days by then, and she decided to call him at the number he'd left her. It was Claridge's, and they reminded her that he was gone for the weekend, and she didn't have that number. She didn't say anything about it after that, but thoughts of it festered all through the weekend, and when he came home on Monday, she was seething.
“You're in a great mood,” he said jovially, when he came home on Monday night. “What's the matter, Mad? Does your ear still hurt?” He was in terrific spirits, and without saying a word, she took out the tabloid she had saved to show him. He glanced at it for a minute, without looking concerned, and then shrugged his shoulders as he grinned at her. “So? What's the big deal? I was in a group and we walked out together. That's not a crime, as far as I know.” He didn't seem to feel at all guilty, and made no attempt to apologize for it, which was either gutsy of him, or reassuring, and Maddy was not sure which as she looked at him.
“Were you out dancing with her?” Maddy never took her eyes from his.
“Sure. I danced with a lot of people that night. I didn't fuck her, if that's what you're asking.” He came right to the point, and he was starting to look annoyed at her for doubting him. “Is that what you were accusing me of, Mad?” He made it sound as though she were the one at fault, and not his fidelity that was in question.
“I was worried. She's pretty cute, and the story made it sound like you were out with her.”
“The stories on you make you look like a two-bit whore, but I don't believe them, do I?” She reeled from what he said like a punch in the stomach.
“That's not a nice thing to say, Jack,” she said softly.
“It's true, isn't it? Nobody has showed up with my illegitimate brats, have they? If they did, then you'd have a right to bitch. But as I see it, you don't have much to say now. And given the lies you've told me, and the things you've concealed from me, who would blame me if I cheated on you?” As usual, it was entirely her fault, and she deserved it. And even thinking about it, she knew he was partially right. She still hadn't told him she was moving Lizzie to Washington, or that she saw Bill from time to time, and talked to him daily. Jack had successfully managed to turn it around and make her feel guilty, rather than addressing the issue of whether or not he'd been unfaithful.