S: (wistfully) I'm doing it again. Misusing people. I chose the body of a woman who is intimidating to men and I don't feel like a woman.
Dr. N: Give me an example?
S: Sexually and in business. I'm in the power game again ... pushing aside principles ... getting off track as before (as Ross). This time I manipulate real estate deals. I'm too interested in acquiring money. I want status.
Dr. N: And how does this hurt you, Hester?
S: The influence of money and position is a drug to me as it was in my last life. My being a woman now has done nothing to change my desire to control people. So ... stupid ...
Dr. N: Then do you think your motivations were wrong in choosing to be a female?
S: Yes, I do feel more natural living as a man. But I thought as a woman this time around I would be ... more subtle. I wanted this chance to try again in a different sex and Clodees let me take it. (client slumps down in her chair) What a blunder.
Dr. N: Don't you think you are being a little hard on yourself, Hester? I have the sense you also chose to be a woman because you wanted a woman's insight and intuition to give you a different perspective to tackle your lessons. You can have masculine energy, if you want to call it that, and still be feminine.
Before finishing this case, I should touch on the issue of homosexuality. Most of my subjects select the bodies of one gender over another 75 percent of the time. This pattern is true of all but the advanced souls, who maintain more of a balance in choosing to be men and women. A gender preference by a majority of earthbound souls does not mean they are unhappy the other 25 percent of the time as males or females.
Hester is not necessarily gay or bi-sexual because of her body choice. Homosexuals may or may not be comfortable with their anatomy as humans. When I do have a client who is gay, they often ask if their homosexuality is the result of choosing to be "the wrong sex" in this life. When their sessions are over this inquiry is usually answered.
Regardless of the circumstances which lead souls to make gender choices, this decision was made before arriving on Earth. Sometimes I find that gay people have chosen in advance of their current lives to experiment with a sex that was seldom used in former lives.
Being gay carries a sexual stigma in our society which presents a more difficult road in life. When this road is chosen by one of my clients, it can usually be traced to a karmic need to accelerate personal understanding of the complex differences in gender identity as related to certain events in their past. Case 13 chose to be a woman in this life to try and get over the stumbling blocks experienced as Ross Feldon.
Would Hester have benefited from knowing about her past as Ross from birth rather than having to wait over thirty years and undergo hypnosis? Having no conscious memory of our former existences is called amnesia. This human condition is perplexing to people attracted to reincarnation. Why should we have to grope around in life trying to figure out who we are and what we are supposed to do and wondering if some spiritual divinity really cares about us? I closed my session with this woman by asking about her amnesia.
Dr. N: Why do you think you had no conscious memory about your life as Ross Feldon?
S: When we choose a body and make a plan before coming back to Earth, there is an agreement with our advisors.
Dr. N: An agreement about what?
S: We agree ... not to remember ... other lives.
Dr. N: Why?
S: Learning from a blank slate is better than knowing in advance what could happen to you because of what you did before.
Dr. N: But wouldn't knowing about your past life mistakes be valuable in avoiding the same pitfalls in this life?
S: If people knew all about their past, many might pay too much attention to it rather than trying out new approaches to the same problem. The new life must be ... taken seriously.
Dr. N: Are there any other reasons?
S: (pause) Without having old memories, our advisors say there is less preoccupation for ... trying to ... avenge the past ... to get even for the wrongs done to you.
Dr. N: Well, it seems to me that so far this has been part of the motivation and conduct in your life as Hester.
S: (forcefully) That's why I came to you.
Dr. N: And do you still think a total blackout of our eternal spiritual life on Earth is essential to progress?
S: Normally, yes, but it's not a total blackout. We get flashes from dreams ... during times of crisis ... people have an inner knowing of what direction to take when it is necessary. And sometimes your friends can fudge a little ...
Dr. N: By friends, you mean entities from the spirit world?
S: Uh-huh ... they give you hints, by flashing ideas-I've done it.
Dr. N: Nevertheless, you had to come to me to unlock your conscious amnesia.
S: (pause) We have ... the capacity to know when it is necessary. I was ready for change when I heard about you. Clodees allowed me to see the past with you because it was to my benefit.
Dr. N: Otherwise, your amnesia would have remained intact?
S: Yes, that would have meant I wasn't supposed to know certain things yet.
In my opinion, when clients are unable to go into hypnosis at any given time, or if they have only sketchy memories in trance, there is a reason for this blockage. This does not mean these people have no past memories, just that they are not ready to have them exposed.
My client knew something was hindering her growth and wanted it revealed. The superconscious identity of the soul houses our continuous memory, including goals. When the time in our lives is appropriate, we must harmonize human material needs with our soul's purpose for being here. I try to take a common sense approach in bringing past and present experiences into alignment.
Our eternal identity never leaves us alone in the bodies we choose, despite our current status. In reflection, meditation, or prayer, the memories of who we really are do filter down to us in selective thought each day. In small, intuitive ways-through the cloud of amnesia-we are given clues for the justification of our being.
After desensitizing the source of her headaches, I completed my session with Hester by reinforcing her choice to be a woman for reasons other than intimidating men. I gave her permission to lower her defenses a little and be less aggressive. We discussed options for restructuring occupational goals toward the helping professions and the possibilities of volunteer service work. She was finally able to see her life today as a great opportunity for learning rather than a failure of gender choice.
After a case is completed, I never cease to admire the brutal honesty of souls. When a soul has led a productive life beneficial to themselves and those around them, I notice they return to the spirit world with enthusiasm. However, when subjects like Case 13 report they wasted a past life, especially from early suicide, then they describe going back rather dejected.
When orientation is upsetting to a subject, I find an underlying reason is the abruptness with which a soul is once again in full possession of all past knowledge. After physical death, unencumbered by a human body, the soul has a sudden influx of perception. The stupid things we did in life hit us hard in orientation. I see more relaxation and greater clarity of thought as I move my subjects further into the spirit world.
Souls are created in a positive matrix of such love and wisdom that when a soul starts to come to a planet like Earth and join the physical beings who have evolved from a primitive state, the violence is a shock. Humans have the raw, negative emotions of anger and hate as an outgrowth of their fear and pain connected with survival going back to the Stone Age.
Both positive and negative emotions are mixed between soul and host for their mutual benefit. If a soul only knew love and peace, it would gain no insight and never truly appreciate the value of these positive feelings. The test of reincarnation for a soul coming to Earth is the conquering of fear in a human body. A soul grows by trying to overcome all negative emotions connected to fear through perseverance in many lifetimes, often returning to the spirit world bruised or hurt, as Case 13 indicated. Some of this negativity can be retained, even in the spirit world, and may reappear in another life with a new body. On the other hand, there is a trade-off. It's in joy and unabashed pleasure that the true nature of an individual soul is revealed on earth in the face of a happy human being.