Sun Wukong tossed it in his hands, remarking that it would be even better if it were thinner still. The precious iron thereupon became even thinner. Sun Wukong was taking it out of the sea treasury to have a look at it when he saw that it had two gold bands round it, while the middle part was made of black iron. There was a line of inlaid writing near the bands which said that it was the AS-YOU-WILL COLD-BANDED CUDGEL: WEIGHT 13,500 POUNDS.
Sun Wukong was delighted, though he did not show it. “I think that this little darling will do whatever I want.” As he walked along he weighed it in his hand and said reflectively, “If it were even smaller still it would be perfect.” By the time he had taken it outside it was twenty feet long and as thick as a rice bowl.
Watch him as he uses his magical powers to try a few routines with it, whirling all round the crystal palace. The Old Dragon King was trembling with fright, and the little dragons were scared out of their wits. Terrapins, freshwater turtles, seawater turtles and alligators drew in their heads, while fish, shrimps, lobsters and giant turtles hid their faces.
Holding his treasure in his hands, Sun Wukong sat down in the main hall of the palace of crystal and said with a smile to the Dragon King, “Many thanks, worthy neighbour, for your great generosity.”
The Old Dragon King humbly acknowledged his thanks, and Sun Wukong went on, “This piece of iron will be very useful, but there is one more thing I want to ask.”
“What might that be, exalted Immortal?” asked the Dragon King.
“If I hadn't got this cudgel, that would be the end of the matter, but as I have got it the problem is that I don't have-the clothes to go with it. What are we to do about it? If you have any armour here, I'd be most obliged if you gave me a suit.” The Dragon King said he had not any.
“'A guest should not have to trouble two hosts,'“ said Sun Wukong. “I won't leave without one.”
“Please try some other sea, exalted Immortal-you may find one there.”
“'It's better to stay in one house than to visit three.' I beg and implore you to give me a suit.”
“I really don't have one,” replied the Dragon King. “If I had I would present it to you.”
“If you really haven't, then I'll try this cudgel out on you.”
“Don't hit me, exalted Immortal, don't hit me,” pleaded the Dragon King in terror. “Let me see whether my brothers have one that they could give you.”
“Where do your brothers live?”
“They are Ao Qin, the Dragon King of the Southern Sea, Ao Shun, the Dragon King of the Northern Sea, and Ao Run, the Dragon King of the Southern Sea.”
“I'm damned if I'm going there: as the saying goes, 'Two in the pocket is better than three owing.' So be a good chap and give me one.”
“There is no need for you to go, lofty Immortal,” the Dragon King replied, “I have an iron drum and a bronze bell. In an emergency we strike them to bring my brothers here in an instant.”
“In that case,” said Sun Wukong, “hurry up and sound them.” And indeed an alligator general struck the bell while a terrapin marshal beat the drum. The sound of the bell and the drum startled the other three dragon kings, who had arrived and were waiting together outside within the instant.
One of them, Ao Qin, said, “Elder Brother, what's up? Why the drum and the bell?”
“It hurts me to tell you, brother,” the Old Dragon King replied. “There's this so-called heaven-born sage from the Mountain of Flowers and Fruit who came here this morning saying that I was his neighbour, then demanded a weapon. I offered him a steel-pronged spear but he said it was too small, and a patterned halberd that he said was too light. Then he picked up the miraculous iron that fastens the Milky Way and tried a few movements with it. Now he's sitting in the palace and demanding a suit of armour, but we haven't got one. That's why I used the bell and the drum to call you here. You three must have some armour. Please give him a suit, then we can get rid of him.”
When Ao Qin heard this he said in a fury, “To arms, brothers. Arrest the criminal.”
“No! No! It's out of the question,” said the Old Dragon King. “If that iron cudgel of his gets you you're done for, if it hits you die, if it comes close your skin is broken, and if it so much as brushes against you your sinews are smashed.”
Ao Run, the Dragon King of the Western Sea, said, “Second brother, you must not attack him. Instead we should put a suit of armour together for him, then send him away. We can send a memorial about it to Heaven, then Heaven will of course punish him.”
“You're right,” said Ao Shun, the Dragon King of the Northern Sea. “I have a pair of lotus-root cloud-walking shoes.”
“I've brought a suit of golden chain mail,” said Ao Run, the Dragon King of the Western Sea.
“And I have a phoenix-winged purple gold helmet,” added Ao Qin, the Dragon King of the Southern Sea. The Old Dragon King was very pleased, and he brought them into the palace to meet Sun Wukong and present the equipment to him.
Sun Wukong put on the golden helmet and the armour and the cloud-walking shoes, then charged out, waving his cudgel and saying to the dragons, “My apologies for disturbing you.” The four Dragon Kings were most indignant, but we will not go into their discussions on the protest they sent to Heaven.
Watch the Monkey King as he parts the waters and goes straight back to the iron bridge, where the four senior apes can be seen waiting for him at the head of the monkey host. Sun Wukong suddenly leapt out of the waves without a drop of water on him and gleaming with gold.
As he came across the bridge the monkeys were so astonished that they fell to their knees and said, “How splendid you look, Your Majesty, how splendid.” Sun Wukong, his face lit up with youthful vigor, climbed up to his throne, thrust his cudgel into the ground in their midst. The foolish monkeys all tried to grab this treasure, but it was as futile as a dragonfly trying to shake an iron tree: they were unable to move it in the slightest.
Biting their fingers and sticking out their tongues they said, “Grandpa, it's so heavy, how can you possibly lift it?”
Sun Wukong went over, lifted it with one hand, and laughed as he said to them, “Everything has its rightful owner. This little treasure has been lying in the sea treasury for goodness knows how many thousands of years, but it just happened to start shining this year. The Dragon King thought it was just a piece of ordinary iron, and said it was the miraculous treasure that holds the bed of the Milky Way in place. None of his men could move it, so he had to ask me to go and fetch it myself. It was more than twenty feet long then, and as thick as a peck-measure. When I picked it up I felt that it was too big, and it shrank till it was several times as small. I told it to get even smaller, and it did that too; then I told it to get smaller still, and it got many times smaller again. I hurried out into the light of day to look at it, and I saw that there was an inscription on it that read 'AS-YOU-WILL GOLD-BANDED CUDGEL: WEIGHT 13,500 POUNDS '. Stand aside, and I'll make it change again.”
Holding his treasure in his hand he said, “Shrink, shrink, shrink,” and it became as small as an embroidery needle, tiny enough to be hidden in his ear.
“Your Majesty,” the monkeys cried out in astonishment, “bring it out and play with it again.”
So the Monkey King brought it out of his ear again, laid it on the palm of his hand, and said, “Grow, grow, grow.” It became as thick as a peck again and twenty feet long. Now that he was really enjoying himself he bounded over the bridge and went out of the cave. Clasping his treasure he used some of his heaven and earth magic, bowed, and shouted, “Grow.”