Then they all straightened their clothes, sat down again, and said, “Come and receive the holy water, young immortals.”
The Taoist elders then pushed the screens aside and kowtowed in worship and gratitude. When the jar was carried out and put together with the vase and the dish they called, “Disciples, fetch me a cup to try some.” The younger Taoists fetched a teacup and handed it to the elders. The elder filled the cup, drained it, and made a show of wiping his mouth and smacking his lips.
“Is it good, brother?” asked Deer Power.
Pursing his lips together, the most senior of the elders said, “Not very. Tastes a bit off.”
“Let me have a taste,” said Antelope Power. When he had drunk a mouthful he said, “Tastes rather like pig's urine.”
When Monkey heard this from where he was sitting up there he realized that his plans had been foiled. “I'm going to play a trick just for the hell of it for them to remember me by.” Then he shouted:
“Oh, Way, Oh Way, what nonsense you imagine. What Three Pure Ones would ever descend to earth? Let me tell you our real names. We are Buddhist monks from the Great Tang, travelling West on imperial orders. Having nothing else to do this pleasant evening we decided to come down to your temple halls. We had eaten the offerings and were sitting here chatting when you started kowtowing to us and worshipping us. How did you expect us to reply. What you've been drinking there isn't holy water-it's our piss.”
Hearing this the Taoist priests shut the doors and started throwing rakes, brooms, tiles and stones wildly into the hall. Splendid Brother Monkey tucked Friar Sand under his left arm and Pig under his right, rushed out through the door and rode his cloud straight back to the abbot's lodgings in the Deep Wisdom Monastery. The three of them went back to bed without disturbing their master.
It was soon the third quarter of the fifth watch, when the king held his dawn court audience, at which the civil and military officials and the four hundred courtiers were all assembled under the crimson light of the silken lanterns and amid clouds of smoke from the incense burners.
At just this time the Tang Priest woke up and called, “Disciples, come with me when I go to show my passport and obtain an exit permit.” Monkey, Pig and Friar Sand got out of bed and into their clothes quickly, then stood waiting in attendance on the master.
“Master,” Monkey reported, “the king here trusts those Taoist priests. He promotes the Way and persecutes Buddhist monks. I'm afraid that if you say the wrong thing he'll refuse you an exit permit. We had better escort you to the palace.”
The Tang Priest was delighted with this suggestion. He put on his brocade cassock, Monkey took the passport, Pig carried the begging bowl and Friar Sand the monastic staff. The luggage and the horse were entrusted to the care of the monks of the Deep Wisdom Monastery. They went straight to the Tower of Five Phoenixes at the palace gate, where they bowed to the eunuch on duty and told him their names. They said that they were monks from Great Tang in the East on their way to fetch the scriptures who had come to show their papers and obtain an exit permit, and they asked him to pass the message on.
The officer of the gate went straight to the throne hall where he prostrated himself by the steps and reported, “There are four monks outside awaiting Your Majesty's command by the Tower of Five Phoenixes. They say they are from the Great Tang in the East and going to fetch scriptures.” To this the king replied, “Do they have to come looking for their deaths here? Can't they do it anywhere else? Why didn't the police capture them and bring them here under arrest?”
The king's tutor slipped forward to submit this memoriaclass="underline" “Great Tang in the East is in the Southern Continent of Jambu. It is known as the great land of China. It is over three thousand miles from here, and the way is beset with many a demon. These monks must have some magic powers if they dared to travel West. I beg You Majesty to receive these monks who have come from the far country of China, inspect their travel papers, and let them proceed. Then you will be preserving good relations with China.” The king approved this suggestion. The Tang Priest and his disciples were summoned to the throne hall, where they stood in a row before the steps and submitted their travel document to the king.
The king had just opened the document and started reading it when the eunuch gate officer came in to report again, “The three Teachers of the Nation are here.” This threw the king into such a fluster that he put the paper away, hurried down from the throne, told his attendants to fetch embroidered stools, and went out to meet the Taoist masters.
Sanzang and his disciples turned round to look and saw the three Great Immortals come majestically in, followed by a pair of page boys with their hair in bunches. They walked straight in while the civil and military officers all bowed low, not daring to look up.
As they entered the throne hall they did not deign to bow to the king, who asked them, “Teachers of the Nation, why have you honoured us with your presence although we have not yet invited you?”
“I have something to report,” the most senior of the Taoists replied. “Where are those four Buddhist monks from?”
“They have been sent from Great Tang in the East to fetch the scriptures from the Western Heaven,” the king replied, “and they are here to obtain an exit permit.” The three Taoists clapped their hands with delight at this news.
“We thought they had already gone, but they are still here.”
“What do you mean, Teachers?” the king asked in astonishment. “They have only just come to report their names. I was on the point of handing them over to you to use as you will when my tutor made a very sensible suggestion. Out of consideration for the great distance they have come and also to preserve good relations with the land of China I sent for them a moment ago and was just examining their papers when you three Teachers raised this question. Have they offended or harmed you?”
To this the Taoist replied with a smile, “What Your Majesty does not yet know is that they arrived yesterday, killed two of our disciples outside the East Gate, released the five hundred captive Buddhist monks, smashed our cart, broke into our temple at night, destroyed the statues of the Three Pure Ones, and stole their offerings. We were so deceived by them that we though they were Heavenly Honoured Ones come down to earth and asked them for holy water and elixir pills to present to Your Majesty in the hope of securing eternal life for you. We never expected them to make fools of us by giving us urine. We each drank a mouthful to taste, but when we tried to capture them they escaped. If they are still here now it's a case of meeting your enemy on a narrow road.” All this made the king so angry that he ordered the execution of the four monks.
The Great Sage Monkey put his hands together and began to yell at the top of his voice, “Please hold back your thunderous wrath for a moment, Your Majesty, and allow us Buddhist monks to make our submission.”
“You have offended the Teachers of the Nation,” the king replied, “and what they say is always right.”
“He accuses me of coming here yesterday and killing two of his disciples,” said Monkey. “What witnesses does he have? Even if we admitted the killing you need only execute two of us monks to pay for their lives and you could release the other two to fetch the scriptures. He doesn't have any witnesses either for his accusations that I smashed their cart and freed the captive monks. Even if I had done, that wouldn't be a capital offence. To punish one more of us would be enough. When he says I destroyed the statues of the Three Pure Ones and made havoc in the Taoist temple he's deliberately trying to frame and murder me.”