“Holy monk,” said the king, “just now you said there was horse in the pills. What sort of horse?”
“This brother of mine has a very loose tongue,” said Monkey, cutting in. “We've got a really good formula that has been tried and tested, and he wants to give it away. The pills Your Majesty took this morning included not horse but Aristolochia.”
“What class of medicine is Aristolochia?” the king asked. “What conditions can it cure?”
One of the fellows of the Royal College of Medicine who was standing beside the king said, “Your Majesty,
Aristolochia is bitter, cold and free of poison,
Ends shortness of breath and cures phlegm well,
Circulates the energy, removes blood infections,
Fills emptiness, soothes coughs and eases the heart.
“It was the right thing to use, the right thing to use,” the king said. “The Venerable Pig must have another cup.” The idiot said nothing more, but downed three goblets. The king then gave three cupfuls to Friar Sand, who drank them. Everyone then sat down.
When they all had been feasting and drinking for a long time the king raised a large goblet once more and handed it to Monkey. “Please sit down, Your Majesty,” Monkey said. “I've been drinking hard in every round. I'd never refuse.”
“Holy monk,” the king said, “we are under a profound debt of gratitude to you that we will never be able to repay. Please drain this great goblet: we have something to say to you.”
“Say what you will first,” Monkey replied, “I'll drink after.”
“We suffered from that melancholia for years on end,” the king said, “and one dose of your miraculous pills cured it.”
“When I saw Your Majesty yesterday I realized you were suffering from melancholia,” Monkey said, “but I don't know what's getting you down.”
“There's an old saying that a family doesn't talk about its dirt to strangers,” the king replied. “As you are our benefactor, holy monk, we shall tell you, but please don't laugh.”
“I'd never dare,” Monkey said. “Please speak freely.”
“How many countries did you holy monks come through on your way here from the East?” the king asked.
“Five or six,” Monkey replied.
“What titles do the queens of the other kings have?” the king went on to ask.
“They're called the queens of the Main Palace, East Palace and West Palace,” Monkey replied.
“We don't use titles like that,” the king said. “We call the principal queen the Queen of the Sacred Golden Palace, the Eastern queen the Queen of the Sacred Jade Palace and the Western queen the Queen of the Sacred Silver Palace. But now only the Jade and Silver Queen are here.”
“Why isn't the Golden Queen in the palace?” Monkey asked.
“She has been gone for three whole years,” the king replied in tears.
“Where did she go?” Monkey asked.
“At the Dragon-boat Festival three years ago,” the king said, “we were in the Pomegranate Pavilion of the palace gardens with our queens and consorts, unwrapping rice dumplings, putting artemisia out, drinking calamus and realgar wine and watching the dragon boats race when all of a sudden there was a gust of wind. An evil spirit appeared in mid-air. He said he was the Evil Star Matcher who lives in the Horndog Cave on Mount Unicorn and was short of a wife. Seeing how beautiful and charming our Golden Queen is he wanted her for his wife and insisted we should hand her over at once. If we did not do so by the time he had asked three times he was going to eat us up first, then our officials and all the commoners living in the city. We were so concerned over the fate of our country and our people that there was no alternative: the Golden Queen had to be pushed outside the pavilion to be carried noisily off by the evil spirit. All this gave us such a fright that the rice dumpling we were eating turned solid inside us. On top of that we have been unable to sleep for worrying, which is why we were ill for three years. Since taking you holy monks' miraculous pills we have evacuated our bowels three times, and the accumulations from three years ago have all been passed. That is why our body now feels light and strong and our spirit is restored to what it was. Our life has today been given to us by you holy monks; this is a gift more weighty than Mount Tai.”
When Brother Monkey heard this he was very happy indeed and he downed the huge goblet of wine in two gulps. “Your Majesty,” he said with a smile to the king, “so that's what caused your shock and your depression. Today you've been lucky: you met me and you were cured. But I don't know whether you want the Golden Queen back in the palace.”
To this the king answered with tears, “We have been longing for her night and day, but nobody has ever been able to catch the evil spirit. Of course we want her back in our country.”
“What if I go to deal with that evil creature for you?” said Monkey.
The king fell to his knees and replied, “If you can rescue our queen we will gladly take our three queens and nine consorts away from the capital and go to live as commoners, leaving the whole kingdom to be yours to reign over, holy monk.”
When Pig, who was sitting beside them, heard all this being said and such great honors being done he could not help bursting into noisy laughter.
“This king's got no sense of what's proper,” he chortled. “Fancy giving up his kingdom and going on his knees to a monk for the sake of his old woman.”
Monkey hurried forward to help the king back on his feet and ask, “Your Majesty, has the evil spirit been back since he got the Golden Queen?”
“In the fifth month of the year before last,” the king said, “he carried off the Golden Queen. In the tenth month he came back to demand a couple of ladies in waiting to serve her, and we presented him with a couple. In the third month of last year he came to demand another couple, and two more in the seventh month. Then in the second month of this year it was a fourth pair. We do not know when he will be back again.”
“If he comes that often you must be terrified of him,” Monkey replied.
“Because he has come so frequently we are afraid of him and of his murderous intentions,” said the king. “In the fourth month last year we ordered the building of a demon shelter, so that whenever we hear the wind and know that he's coming we can shelter there with our two queens and nine consorts.”
“Would Your Majesty mind taking me to see the shelter?” Monkey asked, and the king led Monkey by his left hand from the table. All the officials rose to their feet.
“Brother,” protested Pig, “you're very unreasonable. Why leave this royal wine and break up the banquet to go looking at something?”
Hearing this and realizing that Pig was worried for his stomach the king told his attendants to have two tables of vegetarian food brought along so that Pig could go on being wined outside the demon shelter. Only then did the idiot stop making a fuss and join in with his master and Friar Sand saying, “Let's break up the banquet.”
As a column of civil and military officials led the way the king and Monkey went arm-in-arm through the living quarters of the palace to the back of the royal gardens, but there were no great buildings to be seen.
“Where's the demon shelter?” Monkey asked, and before the words were out of his mouth two eunuchs levered open a square flagstone with red lacquered crowbars.
“Here it is,” said the king. “Twenty feet or more below us a large underground palace hall has been excavated. In it there are four great vats of purified oil in which lights burn night and day. When we hear the wind we take shelter here and the flagstone is put on again from outside.”
“So the evil spirit doesn't want to kill you,” said Monkey with a smile. “If he did this would give you no protection.” Just as he was speaking there came the roaring of a wind from due South that made the dust fly.