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crushing my smokes."  "

I'd love to be one of those people who could throw off the perfect

zinger.  The kind with the optimal amount of sting, but with enough of

the funny stuff to keep you from looking like a freak.  But in my

experience, those perfect zingers never leap to mind at the right

time.

"Funny, O'Donnell.  Hey, hold on a sec."  I set the phone down on my

desk and rushed down the hall to his office.  Standing in the doorway,

I could see their wee brains straining to figure out how I could be in

O'Donnell's office and on the phone at the same time.  "There's nothing

funny about the Derringer case, and there's definitely nothing funny

about some guy getting over on his daughter.  You say something like

that to me again, and it'll feel like someone stretched your sad little

ball sack up over that big empty head of yours."

I stormed back toward my office before I could make things worse.

Behind me, I heard O'Donnell yell out, "Real nice, Kincaid," over the

other guys' laughter.  I hadn't meant it to be funny, but if they were

going to take it that way, so be it.

I had to hand it to O'Donnell.  He could be a Grade A jerk, but at

least the guy could take it.  As I slammed down the phone in my office,

I could hear his laugh above all the others.

I waited for my pulse to return to normal, then called over to the jail

to make sure Derringer was still in custody.  The Multnomah County

holding center's under an order from a federal judge for overcrowding.

If the cells get full, the sheriff's office is required to start

releasing prisoners according to a court-created formula.  In theory, a

sex offender in on a parole hold should be one of the last to be

released, but I'd stopped being surprised by MCSO's decisions a long

time ago.

I finally got connected to a Deputy Lamborn.

"You calling about Frank Derringer?"  he asked.  "Because I've been

trying all morning to figure out who to call, and I'm getting ready to

come off shift.  Can't read the PO's signature for shit."

"What's going on?"  I asked.

"Well, we noticed something I thought the PO should know about.  When

we bring the prisoners in for booking, they've got to strip down out of

their street clothes and put on their jail blues.  Anyway, when

Derringer was changing, one of the guys noticed that Derringer doesn't

have any pubic hair."

"Come again?"  I said.

"Yep, all gone down there.  So, anyway, we assumed he had crabs or

something and were joking around about what lucky prisoner was gonna

have to share a cell with him.  But then I noticed Derringer had a

parole hold for an Attempted Sod One and figured a sex offender might

have a more sinister reason for getting rid of the short and cur lies

Thought someone should know about it."

That someone was me.  I wrote down Lamborn's information so I could add

him to my witness list.  Then I cut the call short so I could call

Derringer's parole officer to see if he knew anything else.

He picked up the phone on the first ring.  "Renshaw."

I introduced myself to Dave Renshaw as the DA who was going to pick up

the Derringer case, then passed along Deputy Lamborn's observation.

"Well, I don't like what he had to say about my penmanship, but the boy

was certainly using his noggin, wasn't he?"

"I'd say so.  Unless Derringer's got some explanation, it looks like he

knew he was going out for a victim and didn't want to leave any

physical evidence behind.  I was calling to see if you had anything in

your file that might help.  Derringer hasn't been out on parole for

long, so if we could show that no one ever noticed anything unusual

about Derringer's appearance when he was in prison "

Renshaw cut me off.  "Oh, I can do better than that.  One of Mr.

Derringer's parole conditions is that he submit to pethismographic

examination."  My silence told him I didn't know what that was.

"Standard for most sex offenders.  A counselor hooks the guy's private

parts up to an EKG and then shows slides of various sexual images.  By

monitoring what gets someone like Mr.  Derringer hot, the counselor can

see whether the parolee's preferred fantasy images are changing with

treatment or whether he's still perverted."

"Are you about to say what I hope?"

"Yes, ma'am.  Derringer was in let's see, I've got his file right here

yep, just last week for his initial examination, and I was there for

it."

"And everything was normal down there?"

"I don't know about that, but, yes, I definitely would've noticed if he

had shaved that area, and I didn't see anything out of the ordinary."

"And what were the pethismograph results?"  I asked.

"Oh, the doctor would tell you that Derringer was responding to

treatment.  Derringer's pulse got pretty fast during some of the

violent porn and stayed flat and steady during what most of us would

consider straight porn, but his Johnson stayed limp the whole time. The

doctor thought Derringer's pulse raced out of nervousness that he might

get caught getting off on the violence.  But with what I know so far

about this new case, I think Derringer was getting turned on but just

wasn't responding downstairs."

Definitely possible.  We were wrapping up the call when Renshaw said,

"Now this is interesting.  I was flipping through the file while we

were talking.  I usually get the facts of my guys' cases straight from

the police report, but intake typed in something that must've come from

the prosecuting attorney's file.  The notes say that Derringer's

brother, Derrick, had offered himself as Derringer's alibi witness."

"This is on Derringer's old case?"

"Right, the Attempted Sod," Renshaw clarified.  "I didn't realize that

Derringer ever tried to go with an alibi, but it says here that Derrick

was scheduled to testify that Frank was with him when the girl said she

was attacked.  Then our Mr.  Derringer turned around and changed his

defense.  Instead of saying it wasn't him, he argued the whole thing

was consensual rough sex, trying to get the case bumped down to

statutory rape.  In the end, Derringer pled guilty as part of a plea

bargain, but that doesn't stop him from telling me at every opportunity

that the girl consented.  Everyone I supervise is innocent, don't you

know."

I thanked him profusely for all the information and assured him I'd be

calling him as a witness.  For now, I had other work to do.

Renshaw had lodged a detainer against Derringer based on probable cause

that he'd had unsupervised contact with a minor, a violation of his

parole conditions.  Derringer was booked over the weekend, so his case

would be called in the Justice Center arraignment court this afternoon

for a release hearing.  Technically, a parole detainer is enough to