Paul was watching her. There was a sense of loss about him. She imagined that Paul Riley rarely felt vulnerable.
Oh, he really was such a wonderful guy. Beneath that polished exterior were a compassion and tenderness that he had willingly allowed her to see. She had kept him at arm’s length and he had accepted it; he had been patient with her. It was just-just-
Not now.
She had so much time to make up with so many members of her family. She would be thrown into the fire when she returned to the law school. “Paul,” she began, keeping her eyes down, “I want you to know-”
She felt his hand on her wrist. He looked at her with an intensity she had never seen from him.
“Let me in,” he said. “For Christ’s sake, let me in.”
She looked up at him sheepishly.
He shook her wrist. “Or tell me you have no feelings for me. That-that I could accept. But this. This I can’t accept.”
“What is the ‘this’ you’re referring to?”
“This whole act of yours. This whole thing about keeping everyone at bay. Would you just take your goddamn foot off the brake?”
She put a hand on her chest in defense. “My foot’s on the brake?”
“Hey.” He softened his grip on her wrist. “Look. I see things about you that I didn’t before. You went through some terrible stuff. You experienced some real trauma. You separated from your family. But look at you. Look at what you’ve accomplished, in spite of all that. You’re a talented, beautiful, compassionate, courageous person. You can have so much if you would just come out of that damn shell-”
“I get it, Paul.” She withdrew her wrist from his grasp. “Fear of commitment, I get it.”
“I’m in love with you, Shelly. Don’t ask me why or how, the way you’ve been stiff-arming me. But I am.” He drew his hands back and forth between them. “See what I’m doing here, Counselor? I’m putting myself out there. I’m opening up. I’m taking a chance.” He looked up, held open his palms. “And I don’t see the sky crashing down.”
She realized that her mouth had fallen open. “Well.”
Paul trained a hand in the air. “I-look. I certainly don’t expect you to return the compliment, Shelly. I’m just saying, Think about it. Just think about what I said and maybe-get back to me. Okay?” He signaled for the check.
The waiter arrived shortly. They knew each other and chatted briefly. The waiter made a joke about his wife and walked away. Paul smiled and watched the waiter leave, probably because he didn’t want to return his focus to the table. “Anyway,” he said. “Enough of the serious talk. I’m sorry, it just sort of came out. This was supposed to be a celebr-”
“I’m a vegetarian,” she said to him.
He didn’t catch her point. “I know that.”
“Yeah, but I don’t even really like seeing other people eat meat.”
He watched her a moment, then chuckled. “I can’t swim.”
“I have a scar like you wouldn’t believe from the Caesarian.”
He pursed his lips. “I don’t like olives on pizza or anything else, but I love them in martinis.”
“I think I snore.”
“How would you know?”
She smiled. “I woke myself up once.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t like being judged for liking meat.”
“I have a teenaged son whom I plan to spend a lot of time with.”
“I have a legal practice that is rather demanding as well.”
The waiter arrived, cracked another joke with Paul. He signed the receipt and handed it back with a remark of his own. Somehow, Paul seemed to know that this young man was putting himself through college. He looked back at Shelly with a measure of expectation.
“You really can’t swim?” she asked.
“Just flop around in the water like a drowned kitten.”
She released a laugh. She didn’t know what the term ready meant. Paul was right; she had spent so many years with the brakes on, she couldn’t even find the accelerator. But it felt-what was it with him?
Possible. Yes. Possible.
“Slow,” she said to him.
“Hey, slow is good,” he answered. “I like slow.”
80
A recent poll in the Watch found that Governor Langdon Trotter had suffered a drop in popularity in recent weeks. The article attributed it less to the revelations in the Miroballi trial than to his reaction to it. The governor had issued a single statement on the entire subject, which Shelly could recite by heart: My personal life will remain personal and not public. I hope the voters will have the wisdom to judge me on my four years as governor. I will gladly stand on that record. I expect my opponent to direct her attacks at me and not my family.
The media, in typical fashion, had chased the various tentacles of the story, from the Miroballi shooting to Shelly’s sexual assault complaint years ago. A story last week, from an anonymous source in the police department, indicated that the Internal Affairs division was focusing closely on whether Officer Julio Sanchez had tampered with the crime scene after the shooting. That same source indicated that Internal Affairs had opened a review of the circumstances surrounding Shelly Trotter’s report of her sexual assault years ago, and whether illegal means were used to conceal facts and pressure Shelly into dropping the charges.
Shelly didn’t know how they obtained half the stuff they did, but the reporters had dug up some good information. They learned that the detective who had initially fielded the case was a woman named Jill Doocy, now living out east and raising her children. The case had then been transferred to another junior detective named Howard Stockard-the man who had convinced Shelly to drop the charges. It was unclear why the case had been transferred, but it was known that Howard Stockard had worked in the same station for a time with then-Officer Anthony Miroballi, who was now a lieutenant.
Stockard was deceased, and Jill Doocy said that she did not recall the specifics, which might or might not have been true. What was true, however, but unknown to Shelly as a teen, was that the crime Shelly had reported was statutory criminal sexual assault-it was rape regardless of whether Shelly consented, because she was a minor at the time and Ray Miroballi was not. The fact that she gave birth to his son was indisputable proof that Ray Miroballi had committed a felony. Thus, Detective Stockard’s questions back then-his suggestion that she had consented to the sex but was having remorse after the fact-were entirely improper if he knew that the person who had raped Shelly was Ray Miroballi.
And he did know. Because the media had found Dina Patriannis, just as Alex’s investigator had, and she confirmed that she had identified Ray Miroballi to Detective Stockard.
Shelly sat on the park bench and enjoyed the sun on her face. Soon, the police would be contacting her about that long-ago incident, she imagined, and she would tell them what she knew.
She knew now, for certain, what she had suspected all along-Ray Miroballi’s brothers had been the ones who had broken into her apartment and threatened her. She had thought at the time that they had acted out of familial loyalty, or because they were involved in drugs along with their deceased brother. She knew differently now. They knew who Shelly was, obviously, from way back when. They must have hit the ceiling when they learned that Shelly Trotter, of all people, was defending the person who killed their brother. What the hell was she doing on this case? They were afraid. They were afraid that Shelly knew that Ray Miroballi had raped her, and if she knew that much, it wasn’t much of a leap to implicate Tony and Reggie Miroballi in the cover-up of that rape.
It would never be proven. She couldn’t possibly make a case against them. And in the end, it probably could never be conclusively proven that the Miroballi brothers pulled strings for their little brother back then. With Detective Stockard dead, there would be ample reason to think that Tony Miroballi used a chit with Stockard, but no proof. There almost certainly would not be criminal charges against the Miroballis, if for no other reason than the statute of limitations probably had expired. And in all likelihood, there would be no departmental disciplinary action against them, either. Shelly would have to rest with the comfort that anchors would be attached to their legs in the department; they might keep their jobs but would not move up.