“But eventually didn’t you want that? Didn’t you want to settle down? Didn’t you want our life together to have more of a pattern?”
“No, I didn’t. I just wanted you to turn your focus to me. I wanted to be more important than your company, your deals. I thought that once we got married, you’d change.”
And it was true, he suddenly realized. All Chelsea had really ever wanted while they were together was for him to change who he was. Whereas, again and again, Tatiana had said the exact opposite, that she loved him just the way he was.
He hadn’t been planning to give his ex any more checks, but since he had a feeling she hadn’t been saving much of what he’d given her over the past several years, he decided it would be his last act of penance. At the same time, however, it wouldn’t be fair just to hand it to her and let her think there were more checks coming in the future.
“I’m not giving this check to you because of my new deal. In fact, I never wrote any of these checks because I actually thought I owed you anything for any of my deals, or because I was afraid of your lawyers. I did it because I felt guilty that I didn’t treat you the way a good husband should have. But now I think it’s finally time for both of us to move on, past the mistakes we made with each other.”
Chelsea stared at him for a long moment, before awareness lit her gaze. “This is because of Tatiana Landon, isn’t it? I saw the way you looked at her. You’re in love with her, aren’t you? That’s why you want me out of the way. You’re hoping I’ll accept your apology so that you can go to her and tell her you’re not a big, fat jerk.”
He could see the calculations already going on behind her eyes, was nearly certain that she would try to dig up something about him and Tatiana so that she could leak it to the press, and he was glad for it. Happy that it helped dissolve the final remnants of his guilt.
Misplaced guilt that he’d let drive Tatiana out of his life.
“You’re right again,” he said as he moved to the door and held it open for their final good-bye. “I am in love with Tatiana, and I hope that one day, you’ll find what you’re looking for, too.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Laughter was spilling out of Mia and Ford’s house on Friday night when Ian headed up their front walk carrying a case of Sullivan Winery’s finest sparkling wine. The house was lit up against the night sky, and though rain had been threatening all day, for the time being it was holding off.
And he was extremely glad for it, because clear skies were essential for the plan he’d spent all last night and today putting together.
What Mia had said to him about not ever truly wanting any woman enough to give her his all had really hit home. Speaking with Chelsea minutes later had only confirmed the truth of it.
He wanted to give Tatiana things he’d never given another woman. His time, his attention, and most of all, his heart. Only, he’d screwed things up with her so badly, and in such a big way, that he knew he needed to get them right in just as big a way. Tonight, he was counting down the seconds until he could see her again, until he could hear her voice, see her beautiful smile. And he was praying that when the helicopter landed on the grass behind Mia and Ford’s house, she’d agree to get into it with him so that he could whisk her off for the most romantic evening of her life.
Everyone was busy chatting when he stepped inside, but Mia spotted him right away. “Thank God, you’re finally here. I was afraid you were going to do something crazy, like change your mind about coming tonight. Although if you had, I would have dragged you here myself.” She stopped and tugged at the case of sparkling wine in his hands. “Earth to Ian. I need you to let go of the bubbly.”
But Ian could barely process what his sister was saying with Tatiana standing so close. She was beyond beautiful in a black and white patterned dress that skimmed over her curves and fluttered around her knees. Her elegant outfit wasn’t extra-sexy tonight like it had been at the fundraiser, nor was it as pared down as the jeans and sweaters she’d worn on the island. But it didn’t matter how she dressed, or what side of herself she chose to showcase. Ian loved them all equally. Because he, too, loved her just the way she was. Full of constant questions, boundless bravery...and endless passion.
Knowing he’d never be able to stay away from her until the helicopter came—and that she deserved so much more than an impromptu apology and declaration of his love for her in the middle of her party—he gave Mia the case of bubbly, then turned and walked out the door again, heading for the tower.
A short while later, he heard his father say, “Mind if I join you for a little air?”
“Sure.”
“Congratulations, again, on closing your new deal. We’re all very proud of you, and I know how thrilled you must be.”
They’d spoken on the phone the previous day, so Ian already knew how proud his parents were, but it was nice to hear it again. “Thanks. It’s a really good move for the company.” And yet, he wasn’t as over-the-top thrilled as he thought he’d be.
Because nothing felt right without Tatiana in his life.
“I’m in love with Tatiana, Dad.” It was the first time he’d told anyone of his feelings, but it didn’t feel right to keep it inside anymore. Especially not with the father he loved so much, whom he knew loved him just as much.
“She’s a beautiful woman. Sweet and talented, too.”
“Closing that deal should be the best thing that has ever happened to me, but nothing feels right without her.”
“I know what it’s like when things don’t feel right.” Max ran a hand through his hair. “Damn it, I’ve waited too long to sit down and talk with you about this.” His father turned to face him. “All these years have passed since I lost my job, and yet the sense of failure still gnaws at me sometimes when I think back to how I couldn’t figure out a way to provide for all of you.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“No, but it sure as hell felt like it when you had to leave college to start working for a paycheck. But for as low as my own pride in myself sank, I couldn’t have been prouder of you, watching the way you took the business world by storm. Even if my failures were the reason you’d had to get started with it in the first place.”
“Any one of us would have pitched in to help. I was just the right age to be the one who was able to do it. And I was happy to.”
“I know you were, but though you were so successful, and obviously thrived on the work you were doing, it wasn’t easy to watch you turn so serious, and to give up your dreams of playing football.”
“What I do now is a better fit than playing pro ball would ever have been.”
“Maybe, but I only wish you could have figured that out without the pressure of needing to earn as much money as fast as you could to save our house. You were pushed headlong into starting your own business while other college kids your age were busy figuring out how to get their papers written by only reading CliffsNotes.”
“For so long,” Ian told his father, “work felt like enough. Even when I was married, it was enough, and that’s why Chelsea and I didn’t last. I couldn’t run my business the way I wanted to, the way I knew I needed to, and also be there for her the way she wanted me to be. And the truth is that I never cared enough, never loved her enough to put her first.”
“But Tatiana is different, isn’t she?”
“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her. The thing is—” He paused to look back toward the windows, through which he could see Tatiana standing in the middle of the living room looking so beautiful he could hardly believe she’d been his for a little while. “—I’ve screwed things up with her, Dad. Really, really badly.”