“Wasn’t as bad as Ah thought.” Crunch, crunch, munch. “And in answer to your first question (I hadn’t asked it yet), it won’t be long now.”
“What won’t be long?”
She grinned at that; perhaps she had finally given me credit for a touch of humor.
I smiled back. “So you’ve got a football stadium lined up?”
“Not exactly. Something much better than that.”
“Well? What is it? Where is it?”
“One moment, please.” She got up and reached for the light, pulling out some sort of tiny electronic device. “‘Bye, boys!” she yelled into it. I didn’t want to think about how Dartmouth and Wang’s ears must be feeling.
“They aren’t feeling anything, my human friend. I deactivated this thing as soon as he put it there.”
“He?”
“Sauer.”
“While you were here?”
“I pretended to be asleep.”
“You mean after you—and he—”
“Exactly.”
“So they haven’t heard anything all along?”
“No, they heard something. A fake broadcast I recorded for them. They think we talked about my baby blanket the whole time I was here.” She flipped the device into the wastebasket. “Can you keep a secret, coach?”
“Nothing that I hear in this room will ever get out of it. It’s been that way for thirty-five years, and I don’t intend to change anything now.”
“I knew that, but I also know how much you love saying it. We’ll be leaving from the grand canyon.”
“The Grand— I suspect that will hold 100,000 people.”
“I only wish I could take more.”
“Maybe someone else will come for the rest of us.”
“The bullocks are coming! The bullocks are coming!”
“Uh—I’ve been meaning to ask you about that.”
She plopped an entire potato into her mouth. “Have you, indeed?”
“Tell me: was that some kind of joke? A ruse to scare us into coming together as a world and learning to behave ourselves?”
Chomping loudly, she managed to spit out, “Why would I do that? If I were a bullock, I would’ve been here long ago. It was prot who asked them to give you more time. He likes your species, for some reason. Of course there’s no accounting for taste.” A spray of potato bits few in my face.
I ignored them. “And they’re really coming in another fifteen years?”
“Give or take a day or two.”
“So you’re just like prot—you don’t really care if we humans survive or not, do you?”
“About as much as you care if your elephants do.”
It was no use pretending I was on the front line of the save-the-elephant movement, and I didn’t try.
“Anything else, coach?”
“We’re having a bit of a problem with Jerry….”
“Already done.”
“Already—”
“Simple matter. I re-did his wiring. He’s just like he was before.”
“Thank you. I think. And what about the other patients? Can you see them all sometime before you go? A group session, everyone included?”
She pulled out the hologram device she had showed me when she first arrived at the house. “This will tell you more than you want to know about your patients.”
I stared at the thing.
“Just set it down on its flat end, remember? And turn it to whichever patient you want to review. It will do the rest.”
“You mean—”
“I’m leaving it with you. A word of advice, though, my sapien friend: when you’ve finished interacting with the projections, I’d suggest you don’t let it get into the wrong hands.”
“When did you do this?”
“Whenever I was around them. Of course they didn’t know how deeply I was peering into their minds.”
I stuffed the thing in my jacket pocket. “How do I keep it out of the wrong hands?”
“Do I have to do all your thinking, my dimwitted friend? When you’re finished with it, just bury the thing. Like a time capsule. You could write on it, ‘To be opened in a million years,’” she hooted. “C’mon. I’ll take you home.”
“Home?”
“You know, doc. Your dwelling.”
“Uh…” Oh, what the hell. You only live once.
The next thing I knew I was standing on our back porch. She took my hand. “Let’s go in.”
Amazingly, I wasn’t dizzy or, for that matter, felt anything at all. It seemed something like a movie cut. Karen and Flower were in the living room. While the latter went for a toy, fled began removing bugs from the lights, the phones, the electrical outlets—a dozen in all. “Souvenirs, anyone?” she shrieked, dropping all the paraphernalia on an end table and chasing our indefatigable canine through the house. After fifteen or twenty minutes Flower had finally had her fill, probably for the first time in her life. As she lay panting, I asked fled, “The boys got fake messages from these, too?”
“The government thinks you lead the most exciting lives on EARTH! Parties, orgies—”
“Can you give us a clue about how you did—”
“I’m going to tell you something, doctor b. You listening? You wouldn’t even begin to understand it even if I tried to explain it to you. It’s time you stopped asking questions and just paid attention to what you know already. Now I’m going to say it again. Slowly. You ready? Here is all you need to know: the bullocks are coming in fifteen years. Do you read me loud and clear?”
“That’s affirmative.”
“Good.” Suddenly she clapped her hands together and screeched, “Let’s go for a ride!” The light and mirror re-appeared, and the next thing we knew we were all standing on the rim of the Grand Canyon staring down into the biggest natural gorge in the world. Karen and I had never been there. “Cool” doesn’t come close to describing it. It was still early morning in the West, and the brilliant sun cast long shadows on the floor of the cavern below. Wisps of fog floated above the river valley. A small herd of burros or donkeys dotted the verdant floor below. The scope could not possibly be accurately reproduced by the greatest of landscape painters, or even a wall-size photograph. I vowed to spend as much time as possible from that moment on seeing all the sights around the globe that we had never found time to take in earlier.
Another flash and suddenly we were at the bottom, standing beside a gushing river, the creator of it all. The air smelled fresh, and full of life. The burros looked up from their breakfast and sized us up before bending down again, ignoring us completely. Spring blossoms of all colors and kinds demanded our attention. The rushing water provided a paradisical background to the beautiful scene. The four of us took it all in without a word. Even Flower was awestruck, or perhaps she was just too tired to chase the burros.
“Let’s come back here some day,” my wife whispered to me. Fled’s grin was a foot wide. In another moment we were back in our living room, and Fled was nowhere to be seen. But I knew where she was. She only had two days to gather up 100,000 people and stash them in a canyon.
* * *
That afternoon, after Karen had gone bowling with her women’s league, I went to fled’s website, where I found the following notice:
SORRY, THE PASSENGER LIST IS FULL
APPLICATIONS ARE CLOSED
I scrolled down to see if there were any other changes or additions. The only one appeared at the end.
COMING SOON: THE BADGUYS