"You are right, Drusus," I said, suddenly. "Slaves are unimportant. They are nothing."
"Of course," be said. "But what has brought this to mind?"
"A conversation I had this morning with that little chit of a slave, Susan." "Ob," be said.
"It is unimportant," I said.
He nodded.
"Do you know her?" I asked.
"I have seen her, yes, several times," be said.
"What do you think she would bring?" I asked.
"She is a curvaceous little property," be said, "and seems to understand herself well, and the fittingness of the collar on her beck."
"Yes?" I said.
"Three tarsks, perhaps," he said.
"So little?" I asked, pleased.
"Three silver tarsks, of course," said he.
"Oh," I said, angrily.
"There is little doubt what she would look like at the slave ring," he said, "and, too, she has doubtless received some training."
I did not doubt but what Susan, the little slut, had received sonic training. There was not a detail about her which did not seem, in its way, a perfection. This morning she had again, in entering my quarters, discovered me near the foot of the couch. Usually, early in the morning, before she entered, I would try to be elsewhere.
"I do not know what is wrong with me," I confessed to her, desperately needing someone to talk to, as she served my breakfast. "I sometimes feel so empty, so miserable, so uncomfortable, so meaningless, so restless."
"Yes, Mistress," she had said, deferentially.
"I just do not know what is wrong with me," I had lamented.
"No, Mistress," she had said.
"You," I said, "on the other hand, seem contrastingly content and serene, even fulfilled and happy."
"Perhaps, Mistress," she smiled.
"What is wrong with me?" I asked.
"Your symptoms are clear, Mistress," she said.
"Oh?" I said.
"I have seen them in many women," she said.
"And just what is wrong with me?" I asked, irritably.
"I would prefer not to speak," she said.
"Speak!" I had said.
"Must IT' she asked.
"Yesl" I said.
"Mistress needs a master," she said.
"Get outl" I bad screamed, leaping to my feet, kicking aside the small table, sobbing. "Get outl Get outt"
The girl had fled from the room, terrified.
I bad sobbed then in the room, and thrown things about and run to the wall, and struck it with my fists, weeping.
"No!" I bad cried. "That is stupid, stupidl She is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!"
Only later had I been able to wash and compose myself, and prepare to accompany Drusus Rencius to the height of the walls, to enjoy the view, as we had planned. I had recalled that he had not, initially, wished to take me to the walls, and then, rather suddenly, it had seemed, had agreed to do so.
"I am a larger woman than Susan," I informed Drusus Rencius, on the wall, acidly. "I am taller, and my breasts are larger, and my hips are wider." "These things being equal, such things might somewhat improve your price," he admitted "I scorn slaves," I said. "I despise them."
"Quite properly," said he.
I looked out, over the wall.
How pleased I was that I was freel How frightful, how terrible, it would be, to be a slave!
"Is Lady Sheila crying?" he asked.
"No!" I said.
I fought the wild needs within me, seeming to well up from my very depths, needs which seemed to be to surrender, to submit and love, totally. irreservedly, giving all, asking nothing. How superficial, suddenly, seemed then the dispositions to selfishness and egotism in me. From whence could these other emotions, so overwhelming within me, have derived, I asked myself. Surely they, frightening me in their way, seemed directly at odds with the Earth conditionings which I had been subjected. I feared they could have their source only in the very depths of my nature and being.
I dabbed at my eyes with the corner of my veil. "I am not crying," I said, "It is the wind." I then turned about, to look back from the wall over the city of Corcyrus. "Here," I said. "That is better."
The tarns on their perches were now on my left.
I looked over the roofs of Corcyrus. I could see, among trees, the various theaters, and the stadium. I could see the palace from where we stood. I could see, too, some of the gardens, and the-roof of the library, on the avenue of lphicrates.
"The city is beautiful," I said.
"Yes," he said, joining me in surveying it.
I was in love with the Gorean world,-though I found it in some ways rather fearful, primarily, I suppose, because it permitted female slavery.
I wondered if Susan were right, if J needed a master. Then I put such thoughts from my mind, as absurd.
I was not a cringing, groveling slave, a girl locked in a collar, who must hope that some brute might see fit to throw her a crust of bread. I was quite different. I was a woman of Earth. I was proud and free. Indeed, on this world I even enjoyed a particularly exalted status, one a thousand times beyond that of my imboDded sisters in the city below. I was a Tatrixl I looked down from the wall, over the many roofs of Corcyrus.
Why was Susan happy, and I miserable? She was only a collared slave. I was free. I surveyed Corcyrus. In the Gorean world, and I sometimes still had difficulty coping with this comprehension, female slavery was permitted. How horrifying! Yet something deeply within me, undeniably, was profoundly stirred and excited by this comprehension. This stirring within me troubled me. It did not seem to be a response which I had been taught.
"There is the palace," said Drusus Rencius, pointing.
"I see," I said.
Given the sovereignty of males in nature, general among the mammals and universal among the primates, it was natural enough, I supposed, that in a civilization congenial to nature, rather than in one opposed to it, that an institution such as female slavery might exist. This might be regarded as the civilized expression of the biological relationship, a recognition of that relationship, and perhaps an enhancement, riefinement and celebration of it, and, within the context of custom and law, of course, a clarification and consolidation of it. But why, I asked myself, irritatedly, should a civilization be congenial to nature? Is it not far better, I asked my self, for a civilization to contradict and frustrate nature; is it not far better for it to deny and subvert nature; is it not far better for it to blur natural distinctions and CODfUse identities; is it not far better for it, ignoring human happiness and fulfillment, to produce anxiety, guilt, frustration, misery and pain?
"There is the theater of Kleitos," said Drusus Rencius, "the library, the stadium."
"Yes," I said.
But whatever might be the truth about such matters, or the optimum ways of viewing them, female slavery, on Gor, was a fact. There were, as I had long ago learned, slaves here. I looked out, over the city. In the city, within these very walls, there were women, perhaps not much different from myself, in collars, who were literally held in categorical, uncompromised bondage. I had seen several of them, in their distinctive garb, in their collars. I had even seen one who, naked and in her collar, had been locked in an iron belt. Such women were owned, literally owned, with all that that might mean.
"There, where you see the trees," said Drusus Rencius, "is the garden of Antisthenes."
"How many slave girls do you suppose there are in Corcyrus?" I asked, as though idly. do not know," he said. "Probably several hundred. We do not count them." "Do such women seem happy?" I asked.
"As they are only slaves," said Drusus Rencius, "their feelings and happiness are unimportant."