But it was so very different with Ginny. Kara wanted her, sure. But she also needed her. A deep, burning need that touched her very core, causing her to question her very existence. How had she lived this long without Ginny in her life? How could she go on, now that she’d had her?
"What are you thinking about?" Ginny asked gently.
Kara closed her eyes, unaware that Ginny had been watching her. "I was just thinking about you," Kara admitted. "About how you make me feel."
"Then why did you look so sad?"
Why, indeed? Because now that I’ve had you, I don’t think I can live without you. She rested her head against Ginny’s breast again, letting Ginny stroke her hair.
"You’re not going to tell me?"
"No."
"Is it Marsha?" Ginny asked.
"Marsha?"
"Are you thinking about her?"
"Why would you think that?"
"You loved her once. Are you thinking about that?" Ginny asked again.
"No. That was a long time ago, Ginny."
"Was it… was it good with her?" she asked quietly.
Kara looked up and met her eyes. "It was never like this," she said truthfully. "It’s never been like this with anyone."
"I find that hard to believe. It’s not like I know what I’m doing," Ginny said, finally breaking the hold her eyes had on her.
"Does that frighten you?" Kara asked. "That you know how to touch me?"
"I’m not sure. I mean, I know I want you… like this. But, is this who I am? What I am? Is it just you or is it…"
"Or can any woman make you feel this way?" Kara asked. She closed her eyes against the pain that she was feeling. Always pain when you loved a woman.
"I don’t think so," Ginny said softly. "If any woman could make me feel this way, I wouldn’t have waited for you."
"But you won’t know until you’ve tried it," Kara said.
"I don’t think I want to… try it, Kara." In fact, she knew she didn’t. No one could ever make her feel what Kara did. She knew in her heart that it was the truth. But she couldn’t say the words. Kara would never believe her, anyway. Kara had experience. She’d been with other women, and Ginny was jealous of each of them. Had Kara loved them this way, too? Had they wanted her so deeply that nothing else mattered?
Kara raised up and kissed her softly. She’d had enough talking. "Can you stay the night with me? Please? I would love to wake up with you," Kara murmured against her lips.
"Yes, but I’m not ready for sleep," she whispered.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
"WHAT DO YOU mean, Phil is coming?" she asked, stunned by Nana’s words.
"Well, he called last night. He wanted to surprise you. He took off all next week and he’s coming tomorrow." Nana watched her. "I thought you’d be thrilled. I told him how you just haven’t been yourself lately."
"Nana!"
"Well, you haven’t."
Ginny paced behind the counter, thankful there were no customers in the store. "Where will he stay?" she asked.
"Well, with us, of course. Ginny, I’m not a prude. I know you sleep together. I won’t mind if he stays in your room," Nana said innocently.
Ginny closed her eyes, cursing silently. What was she going to do? She did not want to see Phil. And she certainly did not want him sharing her bed. And for a week? She would never survive.
"Ginny, you surely don’t want him staying in the lodge out on Lake Wenatchee, do you? That’s twenty miles away," she said.
"No," she murmured. We certainly couldn’t have that! "What time tomorrow?" she asked.
"He’s leaving in the morning. Should be here by noon."
"Noon?"
"Yes and I think you should just take the afternoon off. I know it’s Saturday, but Jessica and I can handle it."
Ginny felt like crying but she forced herself to smile at Nana. She meant well. "You’ll stay home tonight, I hope," Nana continued. "We need to clean house. And I’ll have meals to plan," she added. "Oh, this will be fun, won’t it? You can show him around, take him hiking or something. He likes that, doesn’t he? And, now Kara can meet him. I’m sure she’ll like him…" Nana rambled on, but Ginny had stopped listening.
Kara. What was she going to do about Kara? She closed her eyes, trying to ward off the wave of guilt that settled over her. She had just spent the night making love to Kara, waking up entangled in another woman’s arms and now she had to tell that same woman that Phil was coming to spend a week with her. A week in her bed.
She knew that Kara would understand. Ginny couldn’t very well tell Phil and Nana that she would rather Phil not come at all, that she would rather continue exploring her new relationship with Kara. That would be just crazy. Maybe it was good Phil was coming. Did she have any feelings for him still? This would be the only way to find out.
Suddenly, it was all just too complicated. But then, did she think that it wouldn’t be? That she could just ease into this new phase of her life without complications?
Nana left the store early to start dinner and Ginny waited until Jessica had left at closing to call Kara.
"It’s me," she said, when Kara had answered.
"I missed you today," Kara said softly. "Can you come over?" she asked.
Ginny closed her eyes for a moment, wishing she could go to Kara. "I can’t," she said quietly.
"What’s wrong?"
"Phil is coming," she said.
There was silence and Ginny pictured Kara standing there, clutching the phone.
"I see," Kara said finally.
"He called last night, when I was with you. He’s taking vacation next week and coming to visit. Nana’s got it all arranged," she explained.
"Where will he stay?"
"Here, at the house." Ginny heard the uncertainty in Kara’s quiet voice.
"In your bed?"
Ginny was silent for a moment. "Yes," she finally said.
"I see," Kara said again.
"Kara, I don’t know what I can do. I don’t know how to tell him or Nana that I don’t want to see him. They’ve got it all planned. That’s all Nana talked about today."
"I understand. It’s not like I didn’t know about Phil. I mean, I know you’re still technically involved. I just… I guess I didn’t expect him to show up so soon after we . . ." she let her voice trail off and Ginny squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to hear the hurt in Kara’s voice, knowing she could do nothing about it.
"I’m so sorry," she finally said.
"Well, there’s not a whole lot you can do now. And Ginny, maybe this is good, this is what you need right now. To see if… to see if you… still have feelings for him. Maybe you’ll see him and it’ll all come back to you."
Ginny wondered how hard it was for Kara to say those words. She hadn’t seen Phil in nearly nine months now. Her body told her that it was only Kara’s touch she needed but her mind still balked. Was it women or was it just Kara? But did it matter anymore?
"I don’t want to be with him," Ginny said. "I’m just so confused about everything, Kara. I know I want you… but…"
"I know," Kara said. "This is so new for you. Don’t worry about me, Ginny. You’ve got unfinished business with him. Maybe this thing between us is just…"
"Just what? A passing affair?"
"Something like that," Kara said.
"Don’t do this, Kara. I know how I feel about you," Ginny insisted. "This morning when I woke up, it felt so right to be in your arms. It was the most natural thing in the world to wake up with you, to make love with you this morning. No one’s ever made me feel the way that you do. Phil hasn’t come close," Ginny whispered. "And that’s why this is killing me that he’s coming."