"I’m sorry. If I could turn back time…"
"No. I wouldn’t want that. I don’t regret this, Kara. We both knew something was pulling us together. We both knew this would happen. Didn’t we?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yes." Then she laughed gently. "Well, in my dreams. I never thought you would actually come to me."
Ginny smiled, feeling some of the tension dissipate. "There was no way I could not go to you, Kara."
"Which brings us back to Phil."
"I’m sorry," she said simply.
"Well, there’s nothing we can do about this. I’ll give you room. You need some time with him, Ginny, whether you think so or not. You know, we haven’t exactly spent our time talking about this thing between us. Maybe we should have. I just…"
"I know. But other things kept getting in the way," she said lightly. She didn’t want to try to analyze her feelings for Kara. She just wanted… to be with her.
Ginny sighed, wishing she had just driven over to the cabin. This conversation should have been in person, not over the phone. But she knew they would get precious little talking done. She couldn’t seem to keep her hands to herself whenever she was around Kara. Anyway, maybe Kara was right. She did need to see Phil, to see if there was anything there, if there ever had been.
"We’ll talk after he’s gone. After you see… how you feel."
"I know that you’re right," Ginny said. "Maybe I do need some time to see how I feel about… everything."
Kara let out a heavy sigh. "Yes. You do. Because if you don’t you’ll always wonder if it would have worked out with him."
"But I can’t stop thinking about you, Kara," Ginny whispered.
"I know. You haven’t left my thoughts all day," Kara said quietly. After only a slight pause, she cleared her throat. "Have a good week," she said and hung up abruptly.
Ginny listened to the dial tone a moment longer, then hung up gently. Despite her words, Ginny had heard the pain in Kara’s voice.
When Phil walked in the store just shortly after noon, Ginny forced a smile to her face and went to him. He looked the same. His brown hair cut short, his moustache neatly trimmed.
"God, I’ve missed you," he whispered in her ear. His arms held her tightly, pressing her breasts against his hard chest and she raised her face for his bruising kiss.
"It’s good to see you," she managed, pulling out of his arms.
"You look great," he said. "Country living must agree with you."
"Hello, Phil," Nana said, giving him a big smile.
"Nana!" He gave her a brisk hug and kissed her cheek. "Thanks for having me," he said.
"I’m so glad you’re here, Phil. And Ginny is, too." She winked at him. "I think she’s been missing you."
"Nana!" Ginny turned pleading eyes to Nana, but she ignored her.
"Oh, Ginny. It doesn’t hurt that Phil knows you’ve missed him, does it?"
"Have you missed me?" Phil asked.
"I suppose," Ginny said and forced another smile to her face. Had she missed him? She hadn’t given much thought to it in more weeks than she could count.
But Phil looked happy with her answer and he draped an arm around Ginny possessively. "We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, sweetheart."
"Yes. That’s why I’ve given Ginny the afternoon off," Nana said, pleased with herself.
"That’s wonderful."
"Ginny, take him to the house and help him unpack. We’ll have dinner at seven. Roast," she added.
Ginny smiled and nodded, wishing she were anywhere at this moment other than here. Nana was positively beaming and Ginny didn’t have the heart to spoil things for her.
She rode with Phil to the house. Nana had planned it that way, she supposed. Nana had skipped her walk this morning, instead, riding with Ginny to the store. She would drive Ginny’s car home later.
"You are glad to see me, aren’t you?" Phil asked.
"I wish you had asked before taking vacation," Ginny said.
"I tried. You weren’t home," he reminded her.
No. She had been with Kara, in her arms… making love. She felt a twinge of guilt and sighed, trying to keep thoughts of Kara away. She had to if she were to survive this week. "I still wish you had waited and talked to me first."
"Ginny, I had to see you. You’ve been gone for nine months. Don’t you think that’s long enough?"
"Long enough for what?"
He smiled in that way of his. Cocky, she thought. And she hated it. "It’s time we got married, Ginny."
"Married?"
"Yes. I know you left because you were scared when I asked you before. I love you, Ginny. We’re good together. It’s been four years. Well, nearly five now. It’s time."
Ginny closed her eyes, feeling sick to her stomach. How dare he? How dare he come here after nine months of separation and talk marriage? As if they had never been apart? As if they had not spoken of this before?
"I’m not ready," she said.
"Don’t start that again, please. You’re just scared," he said.
"Turn here," she said, motioning to the house. "And I am not scared," she insisted.
They unpacked in silence, Ginny feeling very crowded as he invaded her room with his things.
"I like your room," he said. He sat on the bed and took her hand possessively, enclosing it in his larger one. "I’ve missed you. I’ve missed making love to you."
"Phil…" she shook her head but he pulled her down beside him.
"Nana won’t be home until six," he said. "She told me."
Ginny smiled slightly, her eyes meeting his brown ones. Nana was trying her best to get her married off. She lifted her neck as Phil placed his lips there, the familiar feel of his moustache raking against her skin.
"Have you missed me?" he asked.
She closed her eyes and nodded as he pushed her back on the bed, his hands nearly groping at her breasts.
"Ginny, there’s been no one since you left," he murmured against her lips.
She was nearly overcome with guilt and she wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders, so different from Kara’s. But it wasn’t right. She opened her mouth to protest and he shoved his tongue inside urgently, pushing at hers, crushing her lips beneath his. She whimpered, feeling tears sting her eyes. Why couldn’t he make her feel the way that Kara did?
"Oh, Ginny, you feel so good," he whispered. He took her hand and placed it on his swollen groin, urging her to stroke him.
Ginny felt his power through his jeans and she let her hand move over him, once so familiar to her, now nearly alien.
"Let’s take these off," he said, his hands going to her jeans. "I’ll take care of you, sweetheart," he whispered.
She was in a daze as he lowered her jeans. Her mind was blank, completely blank as his rough, possessive hands moved over her. He paused only briefly at her breasts, then his mouth came back to hers, and he kissed her with a force that bruised her lips.
"I can’t wait," he murmured and he spread her legs with his knees, plunging deep inside her.
She cried out in shame and gasped as he thrust into her, pushing her hard against the bed. God, oh God, she thought. She squeezed her eyes shut, hearing him groan with each thrust as he pounded into her.
"Oh, Ginny," he gasped and he came inside of her, his hips shaking as he held himself over her.
She felt a tear escape and she rolled her head away from him. Why… oh, why? Surely he knew that she was not aroused, that she had not reached an orgasm. Surely he knew that she had not enjoyed that. It was sex. That was all. There had been no love involved. But, she admitted with sadness, she had let him.
"God, that was so good." He pulled out of her and took her hand gently in his. "But fast. I’ve missed you," he said again. "Tonight we’ll go slower," he promised.
Tonight. And the night after that and all week, he would be sharing her bed. She breathed deeply, feeling choked on her unshed tears. She felt nearly sick to her stomach. Why had she just allowed that? That assault on her. And that’s all it had been. She was simply an object there to satisfy him, to bring him relief.