"And you can’t know now," he insisted.
"Phil, she’s not the first woman I’ve been… attracted to. It was before I met you and nothing happened. I couldn’t allow anything to happen. But… with Kara…" She clutched at her heart and closed her eyes. "This is who I am. I’m so sorry."
"You’re sorry? That’s all you can say? What the hell is Nana going to say?"
"She doesn’t know. And I’m not ready to tell her."
"Well, maybe I should. Maybe she could talk some sense into you."
"Phil, please don’t be this way. It’s not you. It’s me."
"I think you’re sick," he said bitterly. "This whole thing is sick."
"I’m sorry you feel that way then." She faced him squarely and didn’t flinch from the anger in his eyes. "I’ll tell Nana you’re leaving in the morning."
She walked inside, slamming the door behind her. Why did she tell him? Did she honestly expect him to understand?
She got her pillow and tossed it on the sofa, unmindful of Nana watching.
"Ginny?"
"What?" she asked.
"What’s wrong?"
"Nothing. Everything."
"Ginny?"
"Nana, I don’t want to talk now."
"Where’s Phil?"
"Outside, I suppose," she said curtly.
"You’ve had a fight? Ginny, you just got engaged," Nana said innocently.
"Nana, I’m not engaged. I’m not getting married."
"But, Phil…"
"Phil is leaving tomorrow," Ginny said between clinched teeth.
"Leaving? I don’t understand," she said. Nana sat on the sofa beside Ginny and took her hand. "What is it, child?"
"Nana, I’m not… I just… I don’t want to marry Phil. Let’s just leave it at that."
"But he loves you."
Ginny smiled gently and kissed Nana’s hand.
"But I don’t love him."
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
"KARA! OPEN UP, please," Ginny yelled through the door. She walked around to the porch, but the door was locked, the inside dark. Where could she be? She leaned her back against the wall, tucking her hair behind her ears nervously. Where is she? She had been calling all morning, but she had just assumed that Kara was just not answering. Finally, she could stand it no more and she left Nana at the store with a mumbled excuse.
"Kara!" she yelled. Damn it all!
She waited nearly thirty minutes, pacing back and forth, before giving up and driving home. Nana was in the kitchen but she didn’t come out. Nana wasn’t speaking to her today. Because of Phil. Ginny had tried to explain, after Phil had left, but Nana would have none of it. She just didn’t understand how she could let a good man go.
She walked to the phone and punched out the Dobson’s number, counting ten rings before she hung up. Where was she? Was she all right?
They ate their dinner in silence until Ginny couldn’t stand it another second.
"Nana, how long are you going to be this way?"
"What way?" she asked.
"I’m not in the mood, Nana. I’ve had a very bad day," she said wearily. "Why won’t you talk to me?"
"It’s your own fault you’ve had a bad day, sending that poor man away like that," she said.
"Would you have me marry him, knowing that I don’t love him?"
"But he loves you," Nana insisted, as if that was enough.
"But what about me? Don’t I count?"
"You’re nearly thirty," Nana said.
"Twenty-eight," she corrected. "And so what?" She leaned forward. "I don’t need a man, Nana," she said.
"Oh, pooh. Everyone needs a man."
"For what?" Ginny challenged. "I’ve got a job. I can support myself."
"Babies," Nana countered.
"I don’t think I want babies," Ginny said.
"Ginny! Of course you do. I want to be a great-grandmother," she said.
"You already are."
"As if I’ve ever seen Becky’s kids."
Ginny shrugged, certainly not wanting to bring her sister into the conversation. She didn’t want to completely ruin her day.
"Ginny, what’s been wrong? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you changed when you met Kara, but that would hardly be fair to her."
"Nana," Ginny said seriously. "I can’t tell you what’s wrong. You would never understand."
Nana opened her mouth to speak, but Ginny held up her hands. "Enough. Let’s call a truce."
When Nana took her book into the living room, Ginny sat nervously in the kitchen, her hand reaching for the phone. She was actually startled to hear a voice on the other end.
"What?" Kara asked briskly.
"Where have you been?" Ginny demanded.
"Out."
"Out where? I’ve been calling you all day, I came by. Kara, are you okay?" Ginny asked quietly.
"No. But don’t worry about it. I’ll get over it."
"I’m coming over," Ginny said.
"No. I don’t want to see you," Kara said.
"Tough! I want to see you," Ginny replied. "I need to see you."
"Ginny, don’t do this to me. Let’s just leave it alone."
"We’ve got to talk," Ginny insisted quietly.
"I don’t want to talk."
"I’m coming over."
"I won’t answer the door," Kara warned.
"The hell you won’t!"
Ginny hung up on Kara’s expletive and walked to her room, quickly exchanging sweatpants for jeans.
"Who was that on the phone?" Nana called hopefully. "Phil?"
"Kara." Ginny walked back out, keys dangling in her hands. "I’m going over there for a minute," she said.
"This late? Whatever for?" Nana asked, puzzled.
"I need to talk. I won’t be long."
Ginny found Kara on the back porch, smoking. She walked to her chair and squatted down beside her.
"Your fifth?" she asked lightly.
"I haven’t stopped at five since the day I met you," Kara said.
Ginny took the cigarette from her fingers and stubbed it out, her eyebrows raised at the sight of the overflowing ashtray. "Well, we’ll have to work on that, won’t we."
"Why are you here?" Kara asked.
"Why do you think?" Ginny took Kara’s hand between her own and rubbed it lightly. "I never meant for you to get hurt. I just wanted to see you, to be with you, regardless that Phil was there, too." Her voice lowered. "It was you I wanted to be with."
"But you slept with him." Kara finally raised wounded eyes to Ginny. "Didn’t you?"
"Yes. I did. And it was a very… big mistake," she said softly. "He wasn’t you. He couldn’t make me feel the way that you do, Kara. But I had to know," she whispered. "I had to know if what I feel with you is real or if I was just running from him." Ginny reached out and touched Kara’s face, her hand pushing lightly against her clinched jaw. "Please understand, Kara."
"I do. I know this is new for you, this thing between us. But, when Louise dropped the bombshell… the scent of you was still fresh on my fingers," she whispered.
"I’m so sorry. I had no idea that was coming." Ginny lowered her eyes, then brought them back to Kara when she felt tears forming there. "The night before, he tried to touch me again, I asked him to stop, but… he wouldn’t. He . . .." She let her tears fall as she remembered how she’d laid there as he took her. She should have stopped him. She should have fought him. But she didn’t. She just laid there while he took her.
"Ginny?" Kara whispered, her eyes too brimming with tears.
"I was crying and he didn’t understand. But I couldn’t tell him. Not then. I slept on the couch. I think maybe he felt that he was losing me so he used Nana against me. He knows how much she wants us to get married."
"He raped you?" Kara asked, her voice thick with emotion.
"It wasn’t exactly rape, Kara. But it wasn’t consensual." Ginny reached out a hand and gently caressed Kara’s face, feeling the dampness of tears there. "I’m so sorry. I’ll understand if you don’t want anything more to do with me."