"What is it?" she asked, stopping a mere foot in front of her.
"I’m… leaving," Kara said. "For awhile."
"Leaving?"
"Hello, Kara," Nana said, walking up to them.
Kara pulled her eyes away from Ginny and forced a smile to her face. "Hello, Louise. I came to say goodbye," she said.
"Goodbye?"
"I’m going to Seattle. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone," she said. "So I wanted to stop by."
"Well, we’ll still be here when you get back," Nana said lightly, ignorant to the tension between the two women.
Kara turned back to Ginny, her heart splitting in two at the look in her green eyes. "Can we talk?"
Ginny nodded numbly. "I’ll be right back," she said to Nana.
Ginny followed Kara outside, her eyes taking in her packed truck. "Kara?" She turned frightened eyes to her. "What are you doing?"
"Ginny, I’ve got to get back," she said quietly. "I’ve got… some business to take care of," she said.
Ginny studied her eyes. "You’re running away," she said, knowing it was true.
"No."
"Why? Tell me."
"Ginny." Kara reached out a hand to Ginny, then dropped it to her side.
"Why are you leaving me?" Ginny whispered. "Was it that bad for you?"
"Ginny, don’t," Kara said. She placed her hands on Ginny’s shoulders and made her look at her. "This thing between us… you need some time. I need to give you time."
"I’m in love with you," Ginny blurted out.
"Please don’t say that," Kara groaned. She dropped her hands, her heart beating painfully in her chest. "You don’t know what’s out there," she said. "This is all new for you. Don’t assume you love me, just because I’m the one that made you realize your alternatives."
Ginny stared at her, hearing her words, knowing what Kara was doing. "You’re afraid," Ginny said. "You’re afraid of what I feel for you."
It was Kara’s turn to stare. "Don’t settle for me," she said gently.
"Oh, I see," Ginny said. "I need to sleep around first. See what’s out there? See if I just imagined all this?"
Kara nodded weakly.
"Get a little more experience?" Ginny laughed. "Do I need to practice?"
"Ginny, you know that’s not what I mean," Kara said.
"Isn’t it? I could tell last night, I guess. You were so far away," she whispered.
"Ginny, no. That’s not it. Surely you know…"
"I’m a beautiful lover. Yeah, right," she said bitterly.
"Ginny…"
"Why didn’t you tell me before? Why did you make me think that is was good for you, too?"
"Ginny, listen to me," Kara said, gripping her shoulders again. Oh, God, this isn’t what she wanted Ginny to think. This wasn’t how she envisioned their parting. "I care about you. I… care about you very much," she said again. "I don’t want you to hurt me," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.
"Hurt you?" Ginny asked, amazed. "How could I hurt you?"
"I just want you to be sure," Kara said. "Before we go too far."
"So you’re going to leave me? That’s how you want me to be sure?"
"I have to. For me as much as for you," she said.
"It won’t change anything," Ginny said. "I know how I feel." She looked up into Kara’s eyes. "I’m in love with you. Don’t leave me," she whispered and she felt tears gather in her eyes. "Please?"
Kara swallowed hard, hating herself for what she was doing. "Take care of yourself," Kara said and she touched Ginny’s face gently.
"Do you love me, too, Kara?" Ginny asked softly. "Is that why you’re running away?"
Kara’s jaw clinched from the ache in her heart and she pulled her eyes from Ginny’s. She walked to her truck and slammed the door and sped away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
KARA OPENED THE windows to the breeze, surprisingly happy to be back at the cottage. She took a cigarette and walked to the water, her eyes feasting on the blue expanse of Puget Sound, sail boats competing with the much larger vessels of the sea.
She strolled the shore, watching sea gulls flying over, trying to clear her head. She had made the right decision, she knew. And it felt good to be back home, around her familiar surroundings. Away from Ginny. Maybe she would be able to work here. For the last week, she had not been able to pick up a brush. Her heart and mind had been elsewhere.
She breathed deeply, savoring the smell of the sea and she closed her eyes, letting the wind soothe her, the sound of the water relax her. And it did. For the last two hours, she had thought of little else, other than the words Ginny had spoken to her. "I’m in love with you." Kara shut her mind to Ginny’s whispered words. She didn’t want to remember the pain in Ginny’s eyes when Kara had left her.
She turned her back to the wind and cupped her cigarette, lighting it with practiced ease. She had forgotten about her daily count and had bought an entire carton when she had stopped at the grocery store on her way home. Bad habits die hard, she thought as she climbed the hill back to her cottage.
She was actually able to work, and for the first time in her life, the brush flew over the canvas without the accompanying sketch to guide her. She painted from memory. She painted from the heart.
The giant tree loomed over the forest, beckoning the visitor into the woods for a closer look. The sun was gone, leaving only a faint glow in the sky, but the moon was out, shining ghostly upon the forest. Kara brought the trees to life in the moonlight. And the giant monster in the middle held the secret. Upon its old, crusty bark, she painted the shadows of two lovers, embracing. Two lovers locked in each other’s arms.
She worked day and night, stopping only occasionally to nap and when she remembered, to eat.
It was to be hers to keep. She would not share it with anyone. It was much too personal for that. But, oh, it pained her to remember the need Ginny had for her that night. So much need that Ginny had not cared that Phil was coming along the path, looking for them. She had not cared that he might catch them. "Don’t stop," she had pleaded with Kara. And Kara couldn’t. She, too, ignored the sound of Phil’s voice. She only wanted to give what Ginny had needed.
She dropped her arms to her sides, exhausted. She stared at the shadow figures, remembering. And she cried.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
IT WAS SUNDAY, nearly noon, but Ginny couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed. For the last two weeks, she had put on a brave front, appearing cheerful in front of Nana, eating meals with a vigor she did not feel and participating in meaningless conversations when her mind was elsewhere. Elsewhere! She laughed. Her mind wasn’t elsewhere. It was on Kara. It had been since the moment she had walked out of her life. Each day, she went to the store, waiting for the phone to ring. Each time the bell jingled, she looked up, hoping to find Kara standing in the doorway. Finally, yesterday, she had given up. Kara wasn’t coming back. Kara didn’t want her in her life. Kara didn’t need her.
And so she had stayed in bed. Hiding. She could not put on a brave front any longer. She had told Nana she wasn’t feeling well, which, of course, was the truth and Nana had brought her soup to eat, which still stood on the nightstand beside her. She couldn’t force down another meal. She was certain that she would never eat again.
She rolled over, wishing for the pain in her heart to go away. Never in her life had she felt so alone. The pain of her childhood could not even compare. She loved Kara. Of that, at least, she was certain. But why had Kara run? What was she afraid of? Was Ginny’s need of her too much? Had she felt smothered? Ginny’s first thought was her inexperience in bed, but she knew that wasn’t the reason. Their lovemaking had been too passionate, to intense for her to have imagined it. Kara had enjoyed it as much as Ginny had. There was another reason for her leaving.