the failure of an inordinate
beating
of the beater’s heart while
he is giving a beating
is bad:
for
anyone whose hand has trembled
suitably
while giving a beating
has a clean slate
and is one more person
who will have to have no qualms
later on:
thus calm reigns on earth. The original Kaspar comes on stage as he did at first, but without having to look for the slit in the curtain. His movements are self-assured and he looks like the other Kaspars. His mask too should show a contented expression. He walks with firm steps to the front of the stage, as though to take a bow, nicely avoiding all objects. He stops in front of the microphone. All six Kaspars are still. Those who have been brought to order—
instead of withdrawing into themselves
and fleeing society—
should now realistically seek
without force or beatings
but out of their own strength
to show new ways
by looking for sentences
valid for alclass="underline"
they cannot choose
they must choose
and tell the others
the truth about themselves
without phrases
or bubbles:
the others too
should finally be able to want to do
what they themselves
now want and should do.
LXII
Kaspar, at the microphone, begins to speak. His voice begins to resemble the voices of the prompters.
Already long
in the world
I realized nothing
I wondered
about the self-evident
and found everything finite
and infinite
laughable every object filled me with fear
the whole world galled me
neither did I want to be myself
nor somebody else
my own hand
was unknown to me
my own legs
walked of their own accord
I slept
deeply
with open
eyes:
I was without consciousness
like someone drunk
and though I was supposed to be
I wanted not to be
of use
to anything
each sight
produced dislike
each sound
deceiv-
ed me
about itself
each new step
produced
nausea and sucking
in my chest
I could not keep up
I blocked my view
myself
no light
lit up for me
with the whole mishmash
of sentences
it never occurred to me
that it was I who was meant
I noticed nothing of what
was happening around me
before I began
to come onto the world. He is quiet for a moment or more. The other Kaspars behind him are also rather still. I felt
the cacophony
the screaming
outside
was a roaring
and gurgling
in my guts:
I had to suffer,
could not distinguish
among anything:
three was not more
than two
and when I sunned myself
it rained
while I
when I was sweating
in the sun
or heating myself
running
fought my sweat with an umbrella
I could keep nothing apart
neither hot from cold
nor black from white
neither yesterday from today
nor the new from the old
neither people from things
neither prayer from cursing
neither caressing from kicking
every room
looked flat
to me
and hardly
was I awake
when the flat objects fell all over me
like a dream image:
they became obstacles
all the unknown objects
interrogated me
at once
all indistinguishables confused
my hands
and made me wild
so that I became
lost
among the objects
lost my way and
to find my way out
destroyed them. He is quiet for a few moments. The Kaspars behind him are quiet too. I came into the world
not by the clock
but because
the pain
while falling
helped me drive
a wedge
between me
and the objects
and finally extirpate
my babbling:
thus the hurt finally drove
the confusion out of me. I learned to fill
all empty spaces with words
and learned who was who
and to pacify everything that
screamed
with sentences
no empty pot confuses my brain box
any more
everything is at my will
never
again
will I tremble
before an empty closet
before empty boxes
empty
rooms
I hesitate before no walk
out into the open
for every crack
in the wall I
have sentences
as
lists