“I’m drinking product from the competition.” I smiled.
“You said you’re not gonna sell iced coffee drinks. Besides, it’s all about convenience, and they’re closer to Taco Loco. But, after tomorrow, I swear my undying loyalty to Bear Claw.” She grinned.
Her drink was forgotten, and somehow, in twenty seconds, half a taco had been consumed.
“How’re you feeling?” I asked.
She replied with a mouth full of food. “Starving. Like, I’ve been on some weird fasting diet for two weeks and my reward meal was anything carby. When I’m done with this, I’ll probably eat the bag it came in.”
“Your body’s preparing itself for the big game.” I smiled and decided to stick with the drink for now, in case she was still hungry after her second taco and needed mine.
She took a break after two, removed my favorite gold-rimmed sunglasses from my face, and demanded, “Now, tell me what the hell is going on in your life, Katherine.”
This was not the Tori I knew and loved. This was a new Tori, driven by hormones and la-la love for her man. I was hoping it would’ve faded a bit by now, not that I wasn’t happy for her, but this was true love I was up against.
And true love was kind of exhausting when you’re not a part of it.
“Something happened while I was gone, and Dee and Ruby said it was better if I heard it from you.”
Oh yeah.
That.
I pulled the fat, green straw from my face. “I walked in on Holst changing out of his wetsuit.”
“Oh my God,” she whispered. “What’s it like?”
She got right to the point when it came to cock-talk.
“Yeah, well, remember how I said that Goya was better than Dildo-Devon?”
“Yes,” she replied, drawing out the word.
“I can’t tell you about performance, but the equipment is substantial. Oh! By the way, apparently, Frodo is hung.”
“Dee said they aren’t ‘together’ anymore.”
“That’s sad. They’re good together. I hope she gets her head straight before she loses him. I like Frodo. He’s like some guru. Seriously. That guy needs to start an ashram or something and guide people to enlightenment.” I laughed and Tori joined me.
“So is that it? You saw him naked?”
I let out a big sigh.
“There’s more? Oh my God, what?” Her excited eyes lit up as she sucked back the rest of her drink. I knew, any minute, she was going to announce her need to pee.
“So, Ruby and I were at Beachy Bride and there was a dress in the window… Remember how I told you I had this really expensive doll as a kid?”
“The one in the case with all the clothes?”
“The very one. This dress was almost identical to its wedding gown. So, call it temporary insanity, but I had to try it on.”
“Oh, babe,” she said with a solemn whisper. “I missed it.”
Damn it. Now she probably needed to pee and cry.
“An hour later, Holst comes in, kisses me, like, kisses me, Tor. This wasn’t a kiss; this was the kiss.”
A wide grin spread across her face, and I knew what she was thinking. Her, Ruby, and Dee…they were all the same.
“I’m not getting married.”
“Yeah, you are, Kath.” She chuckled.
“Fuck you.” I pushed my sunglasses back over my eyes, but she knew I was fighting a smile.
“So Holst? He’s hot.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, but changed my tone to serious, took off my sunglasses again, and made sure she heard every word I said. “It was fun playing dress up, and that kiss was amazing, Tor, but I’m never going to get married. Not ever.”
She abruptly stood and went into the apartment, likely to relieve her bladder, but also to get away from me before she said something she’d regret. When she returned, she hit the chimes on the deck, her chimes, and said, “A friend of mine told me to take it all in. So, think about that, and I’ll see you at the grand opening tomorrow.”
“You’re going already?”
She motioned toward the bag. “You can have the last taco.” She stood there, not moving, and finally said, “Kath, I love you. You’re my best friend in the whole world. You’ve held my hand through guy drama and my hair through drunk drama. All that, and you still won’t tell me why. Maybe it’s because of my hormones, but I’m not gonna start using that as an excuse now. All I know is, it hurts me that you don’t trust me enough to tell me what happened that made you not want this.”
“Want what? To have a baby?” I tried to play this off as a light-hearted attempt at a joke, but failed miserably.
“No, Kath. To let yourself fall in love.” She turned and moved slowly to the top of my steps. I needed her to stop, because I couldn’t follow her anywhere in my thin wrap. Fortunately, she stopped when I stood behind her.
“I don’t talk about it because, babe? It hurts. And I’m not talking my ex-fiancé broke off our engagement the night before the wedding because he’s gay.” That’s what happened to Tori, but if it hadn’t, she and Cam wouldn’t be she and Cam. “That sucked. I know it did. But this is so different, and I need you to please, please understand it isn’t because I don’t love you. It isn’t because I don’t trust you. It’s because it fucking hurts, Tori. Get it?”
But I didn’t give her the chance to talk that she’d given me. I walked back into my apartment and shut the door. I needed to take a shower and go to the grocery store. I needed to fold laundry. I needed to watch T.V. And, after all that, I needed to fall asleep on the couch before my alarm sounded at six the next morning.
And hopefully…not feel.
***
Holst couldn’t stop smiling, and, I had to admit, I was pretty damn happy, too. I completely forgot about my conversation with Tori the day before. When she came in to buy herself and Ruby ceremonious first cups of coffee from Bear Claw, she did it with a smile, like nothing had happened at all. In fact, we were too busy for me to think about much of anything. I checked my phone when I took a bathroom break and found another message and a new email from my mother, but I didn’t bother to read them or return her call. Nothing and no one was about to ruin this day for me.
Holst had just turned the sign on the door to “closed” and leaned against it, facing me with a smile on his face.
“We had a successful first day,” he stated.
“Yeah.” I smiled back. “We kicked ass.”
“We should celebrate,” he suggested. “Would you like to join me for dinner, Katherine?”
I’d just finished mopping. Holst did all the paperwork and bank deposit. We both stocked and cleaned. The only thing that went wrong, we underestimated the amount of baked goods we’d need, but that could’ve been an opening day fluke.
And even though I was tired in a way that felt fantastic, the next words just poured out of my mouth naturally. “I’ll cook for you. Come about seven.”
Holst moved to the counter and turned the open cash register to face the front window—so robbers would assume breaking in was a waste of time—and just stared at me. This went on for so long, I finally asked with a light chuckle, “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re being nice to me,” he observed, the smile he’d had most of the day never leaving his face.
“What is it they say about being a bitch is a waste of energy?”
His smiled widened. “I’ve never heard that expression, and please accept this as the compliment I intend it to be…nice is a good look for you.”
“Why, thank you, Holst.” I grabbed my purse from under the counter and checked my pocket to make sure I had my phone and keys. “Right. I’m out. I’ll see you later?”
“May I bring something? A contribution to the meal?”
“How about you bring dessert,” I said.
“I’m already bringing myself. I would think that should be more than even you can handle, Katherine.”
He laughed when he delivered this line, and it was meant to be a joke, but for some reason, it made me feel like a great big whore. And not in the funny way I said the word to my girlfriends. It hit me deep, the same way Mark made his departing comments to me that night at the exhibit. I turned, trying to hide any emotion my face might betray, and went to leave.