Suddenly every time he touches me my skin feels like it’s on fire. Being this close to him and knowing everything I found out today sucks. “Why do you always say stuff like that? Are you constantly trying to turn me on?” I swear to God. Word vomit. I was better being a fucking mute.
He smirks as he looks at me. He places a small Band-Aid on the cut and then leans in close to my ear. “I love that my dirty mouth turns you on, Jules. And if you would let me, I could do a lot more with it than make your panties wet.”
Holy fuck.
I have no idea what to do or say. Brian hasn’t moved and I don’t trust myself to. He pulls away and stands up. “You should stay here tonight. You hit your head pretty hard.”
Is he fucking crazy? Staying here is the last thing I need. “I should really go.”
“At least hang out for a little bit. Let me make sure you’re ok.” I can’t help but smile at the fact that he is worried about me and insisting on taking care of me.
“Okay, but not long.”
He sits down on the other side of the couch and turns the TV on. I bite my lip as I look over at him. “Stop doing that before I bite it for you.”
I immediately release it as a blush rises from my neck over my cheeks.
How the hell am I going to survive being here with him?
Chapter Sixteen
Brian
Having her here with me right now and not touching her is killing me. Once I found out that everything I thought happened was a lie, I wanted to pick up right where we left off. When she turned me down, it hurt. I thought I was dreaming when I heard her voice earlier, but when I opened the door there she was looking like a deer in headlights.
I try to keep my attention focused on the movie I turned on but all I can do is look at her. My couch is big but right now it feels like the smallest place in the world. All I want to do is move over to her, wrap her in my arms, and remind her why we have always been so good together.
“So there are some cool places in town, where you could get different things to decorate.”
I smile at how uncomfortable she is, that only means she feels our connection as much as I do. “Why are you so worried about if my house is decorated or not?” I turn to face her and the change of position places us even closer to each other.
Her tongue darts out to wet her lips and my hands fist the edge of the couch to keep from going to her. “I just figured that since you bought the house you would want it to feel like more of a home.”
Home. That is a word that has never really meant anything to me. I move closer to her needing to be next to her. “This isn’t a home right now, Jules. Not without someone to share it with.” I take a deep breath as I prepare to put myself out there for her once more. “I never decorated it because I always pictured sharing a house with you, having you hang flowers and girly shit everywhere. This will never be home without you in it.”
She inhales deeply before she slowly leans toward me. I freeze not wanting to make any moves. I want her to be the one to initiate this. When her lips touch mine it is pure fucking heaven. It’s everything I have wanted since the moment I lost her all those years ago. I trace the line of her lips with my tongue and she opens for me. Accepting me. Inviting me in.
My hands run up her sides and tangle into her hair, holding her close to me like if I open my eyes she might be gone. She moans as I slide my tongue in and out of her mouth and my dick instantly swells. I want to take her so bad right now but I know that she isn’t ready for that. I can’t rush her. I can’t lose her again.
“Brian…” she whispers. I know that’s my cue to stop, to not push her.
I pull away and look at her. Her lips are red and swollen from our kiss, and it gives me a sense of pride knowing I’m the one that made them like that. “Don’t say you have to go. Even if you don’t stay with me. Even we stop with that kiss, I want you here. I’ve missed you for years and now that you’re here I don’t want to miss another second. I know you’re still grieving and I can accept that, but you need to know that I’m all in. You’re it for me, always have been, always will be.”
Her hand slowly traces my cheek. She lets out a sigh as she shakes her head. “I have never been able to tell you no. I think that’s what scares me more than anything else. I can’t go through losing you again, Brian. I can’t grieve you again. I’m not even out of the grieving stage for my husband.”
Hearing her call him her husband pisses me off so bad. He never deserved the damn title. I take a deep breath and calm down before saying anything. “I know that, baby, that’s why I said the cards are all in your hands. How this all goes is up to you.”
She nods her head and lays it down on my chest. “Right now I don’t want to think about anything. I just want to be. No problems, no arguing, just peace.” She pulls her feet up on the couch so she’s now laying down and I run my hand through her hair.
“I’ll give you anything you want. Just say the word.” I wait for her response. Nothing comes. When I look down her eyes are closed and I can feel that her breathing has evened out. She looks like a damn angel as she sleeps on me and all I can think of is how it would feel to lose her again.
The only difference would be that this time it really would be my fault. My demons could very well scare her away. While I know that I should start this the right way with no secrets and no lies, I can’t. She would never understand. She would never forgive me.
Sometimes even loving someone with all your heart isn’t enough to overcome the things in your past or your present. Sometimes it just isn’t enough, especially if trust is broken the way it would be with us. If she finds out she would leave me, and this time she would never look back.
I turn my attention back to the TV trying to think of anything but the fact that she is here with me.
That I finally have her and that I might lose her just as quickly.
Chapter Seventeen
Julia
I open my eyes feeling more rested then I have in the longest time. When I realize my surroundings, I sit straight up. I have absolutely no idea where I am, and the fact that I’m lying in a bed right now is freaking me out. I think back to last night and that’s when I figure out where I am, Brian’s bed. The details of last night are pretty foggy, all I can hope is that I didn’t do anything that I’m going to regret.
I don’t see Brian anywhere so I decide to try and sneak out. I know it isn’t the most mature thing to do but I also know it’s going to be super awkward between us. After everything he said to me last night I just don’t know how to act. I want to give him another chance so bad but I don’t want to open myself up to being hurt again. I walk softly down the steps wondering where the heck he is.
“Sneaking out?” I jump as the voice comes from right next to my ear. When I turn around he is standing there with a stupid grin on his face.
“That was so not funny.” I say trying my best not to laugh.
“It really was though, I made breakfast.” Before I can respond he grabs my hand and leads me into his kitchen. There is a small circular table with juice and two plates of food on it. He cooked for me? I sit down as Brian sits across from me, neither of us talks as the awkwardness I was avoiding sets in. “Why were you leaving?”
Because I don’t know what to say to you. Because I want to tell you I’m all in but I’m scared. “I just figured I would go home and get changed.” Liar.
He is looking at me and I feel like he can see right through me and all my bullshit. “Usually you only sneak out when you have something to hide.”
I internally roll my eyes at him not wanting him to know how right he is about me and my intentions. “I wasn’t sneaking out. I just didn’t want to disturb you.” Liar.
He stops eating and looks up at me. “Jules, I meant everything I said to you last night, but one thing about me hasn’t changed, I still can’t stand liars.”