I freeze, not expecting to have him call me out like that. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to do, what to say. This is all overwhelming for me and I don’t know how to deal with it. I never in a million years would have thought I would be here with you.”
He nods. “Me too, babe, but here we are. I laid it out for you last night, and I meant what I said when I told you I wouldn’t pressure you. I do need to know where you stand though, mainly because I need to know where the line is.”
I don’t answer him right away. He wants me to tell him where the line is but I don’t even really know that. He wants to know where I stand, I have no idea. I haven’t even had the chance to process the fact that we were separated by Dan and not by each other’s actions. As much as I hate what he did to Brian and me, it doesn’t erase the years of me loving him. “I don’t know where I stand honestly. If you need an answer now I don’t have one for you. My life has been turned upside down and now I need to pick up all the shattered pieces.”
“Let me help.” I look at him in confusion. “Let me be there for you. Help you pick up the pieces and put them back together. There doesn’t have to be any expectations or anything. I just want to be around you, to support you in whatever way I can. I missed out on years with you and I don’t want to miss anymore.”
I stand up not really knowing what I’m doing, slowly I make my way around the table and stand in front of Brian. My hands run through his hair ending at the nape of his neck. I take a deep breath before leaning down and gently placing a kiss on his lips. He doesn’t move an inch, almost as if he is frozen in place. “Brian Evans, you are still the most amazing man I have ever known. I don’t know what to tell you about my intentions. I know that I have never stopped loving you and probably never will. My heart is screaming at me right now to give myself over to you but I’m scared. Scared of the pain that comes with the possibility of losing you. You have been a part of me since the first day I met you and having that ripped away from me all those years ago almost killed me. I couldn’t go through that again. I can’t survive losing you again.”
He stands and holds my hips stopping me from backing up and leaving us pressed against each other. His intense gaze is focused on my eyes and his expression is unreadable. His hands graze up the length of my body leaving goose bumps as the trail goes up to my head. “Julia Spencer, I would have never left you if I didn’t think it was what you wanted. You are the very reason I breathe, the only person who ever showed me what it was like to love and have it returned. You are the person I have dreamt about every day since you crashed into me. No matter where I was, who I was with, or how much I didn’t want to think about you, you were there. I haven’t been living without you, I’ve just been existing. Going through my life with no real purpose, no passion. Even with as mad as I was, when I saw you again nothing could compete with the love I had for you. You’re it for me, whether you choose me or not.”
A tear falls from my eye. My body is screaming at me that this amazing man is the path I should choose. That he won’t hurt me again if I give him the chance. That maybe we could finally be happy. Together.
“Yes. I want to try again. I want to be with you. I want to try to move past everything and get back to us. I don’t think it will be easy, in fact I think it’s going to be pretty damn hard, but I want to try. I want us to work.”
His mouth crashes down to mine and I smile against his kiss. Brian’s strong arms envelope me and lift me off the ground spinning me around. He pulls away while I’m still suspended in the air. “You have made me the happiest fucking man in the world. Let’s go somewhere.”
I laugh at his reaction, and my body warms knowing how genuinely happy he is. “Where?”
“I don’t care. Everywhere, nowhere. I just want to be out with you. I want people to know I have you. That you’re mine, finally. I have been waiting for you for so long.” I feel the same way. Since the day I thought Brian left me I have been waiting for the day that he would return to me. Everything that I have done since then felt like something I was “supposed” to do. Not something that felt natural, that felt right.
I truly loved Dan but I always knew that it wasn’t the type of love that I had with Brian. The intensity, and all consuming feelings weren’t there. The only person to ever make me feel like that was the man whose arms I’m wrapped in.
“I need to go get dressed first.” I say kicking my feet to remind him he still has me in the air.
Brian slowly eases me down his body and places another kiss on my lips. “You have five minutes.” His voice is so commanding that it sounds like an order.
“What? What are you talking about?” Disbelief is evident in my voice as I let his statement sink in.
“You have five minutes, woman, before I come over there and drag you out of the house, dressed or not.” There is no smile on his face, nothing to let me know that he isn’t serious.
“You’re kidding, right?”
He looks down at the watch he is wearing before his eyes rise to mine again. “Four minutes and forty-five seconds.”
“Brian, stop.”
“Tick tock, Jules.” I laugh before running to the front door and across the street to my house.
I have no time to shower, no idea where I’m going, and a crazy man across the street timing me. I decide I will go with casual not expecting that the destination would be anything too fancy. I throw on some jeans, and a black button up blouse, before slipping on some flats. As I’m running my brush through my hair I catch movement in my doorway. I let out a yelp at the surprise causing Brian to laugh at me.
“I have to admit I was kind of hoping you weren’t ready in time.” He smiles as he walks toward me and his hands wrap around my waist pulling me close to him. “I still can’t believe that this is fucking real.” His mouth presses against mine and I let go. I lose myself in him. In the kiss.
They say when you fall in love you can almost feel it. That you can pinpoint the moment that you jumped in.
For me I am holding on for dear life.
Falling scares me.
Mainly because I don’t know where I’ll land.
Chapter Eighteen
Julia
There isn’t much to do in town so we decide to just walk around and be spontaneous. I keep feeling like people are staring at me. I know what they’re thinking, “how could she move on so fast?” “I wonder if she was cheating on him.” I’m trying to not let it get to me but it really is. I’ve lived in this town my whole life and I don’t want to be judged when they don’t know the whole story.
Brian gives my hand a squeeze and I look up at him. “Don’t pay them any mind, Jules.”
“How the hell did you know what I was thinking?” I shake my head in disbelief.
“It took me a while but I can still read that little mind of yours. It’s how I knew not to give up on you, on us. I may not have physically been here but you were with me every day. You were the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing on my mind when I went to sleep.” He leans down and places a kiss on my lips. I really am glad that he was so persistent.
“Do you want to get something to eat?” I try to change the subject and really want to get out of the spotlight.
“Sure, babe.” I smile at the way the word babe just rolled off his lips. He steers me toward the diner where we had our first date and I wonder if he had planned on us coming here from the start. I can still hear my mother’s reaction when I told her who I was going on a date with and where.
“Excuse me, Julia, I thought I just heard you say you were going to a diner with that Evans boy.” She smoothes out her dress as her eyes dig into mine.
“I did, mom. Brian is really great, if you gave him a chance you would really like him.” Probably not, but I’m grasping at straws here.