Why would he open the curtains? Why the hell does he want me to see this? Her hands grip his waistband and when she pulls down his pants I get an eye full. I should not be watching this. I turn away and sit on my bed, staring at my computer screen.
As I try to type I can’t. When I walk back over to the window I gasp. She is on her knees giving him a blow job. His palms are resting on the window, but his eyes are focused on me. I can’t see too much emotion given how far away he is but I can almost feel the intensity. My body heats under his gaze. What the hell is wrong with me? I should not be turned on by this shit. He is doing this on purpose just to get to me.
The blonde stands up and Brian’s hands go into her hair. Her long leg snakes around his waist and by their movements they are definitely having sex now. I get a sinking feeling in my stomach seeing him with someone. He was my first and, for the longest time, I thought that he would be my only. So seeing him have meaningless sex with this girl is making me sick.
Does he really hate me this much that he has to flaunt shit in my face? I look over again and his eyes are still trained on me. I shake my head and walk away from the window. I am in this weird state of being turned on watching him, being pissed off that he would act like that, and being hurt that he is with her.
I hear the door open and close downstairs and I quickly close my laptop, placing it on the bedside table. I get under the covers and when the bedroom door opens I’m ashamed at the fact that I pretend to be asleep. I have no doubt that Dan will know something is wrong and I don’t want to lie to him. I can’t tell him the truth either though. The door shuts and I breathe a sigh of relief.
I really do love him. I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t. He is one of the most amazing guys I have ever met. My parents and my friends all love him, we get along great, and we hardly ever fight. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe everything is just too perfect. Is that even a thing? Things going too good? I shake my head realizing how screwed up I really am.
My relationship with Brian was so much different. We fought all the time over absolutely nothing. We were crazy and all over the place. If I’m being honest, I miss that. The passionate fighting and making up. Wanting to kill him at the same time that I wanted to kiss him. My parents didn’t approve of us, but I didn’t care. He was it for me.
Until he decided I wasn’t worth it.
A tear falls from my eye as I relive our relationship. Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Even if I wasn’t with Dan I could never open myself up to him again. We had a love that was all consuming and exciting. When it ended I couldn’t function, couldn’t live, couldn’t move on. I will never open myself up to being hurt like that again.
I know I’m safe with Dan and that was one of the things that attracted me to him. He was safe.
That’s what I need. Safe, not dangerous.
I need love, not fighting.
I wonder though if what I have is love or just comfort.
Chapter Eight
Julia
I have done my best to avoid Brian at all costs and for the most part it’s been working, but I swear it’s like a damn full time job. Dan and I are going away this week on vacation so I can finally breathe easy knowing that I won’t see Brian. I can relax with my husband and keep all thoughts of him here at home.
My mind has been so conflicted lately. How is it possible to want to castrate and kiss someone at the same time? That’s what it’s like in my head twenty-four seven. Then I feel guilty for wanting to kiss him and want to pinch myself back to reality. There have been numerous times lately where I swear I might be going crazy.
I jump as I feel arms wrap around me and smile at my husband. I feel so guilty for thinking of Brian the way I have been when I have Dan. I turn in his arms wrapping mine around his neck. Standing on my tip-toes, I kiss him opening my mouth to him as he deepens it. I lose myself in him, letting our love consume me.
“Are you ready to get away, beautiful?” he whispers as he pulls away from our kiss.
“You have no idea.” We both laugh as he picks up my suitcase and walk out to the waiting cab. We booked our trip to Cancun almost six months ago and I swear I never thought it would get here. This is definitely what we need. Alone time.
Nerves run through my body as I think about flying. I have always had anxiety and been called a worry wart. The thought of being so high up and basically helpless wreaks havoc on my body every time.
By the time we get on the plane and start to pull away from the gate my hands are starting to shake. Dan laces his fingers with mine and lifts my hand up to place a kiss on it. “You will be fine, baby. Before you know it I’ll have you on the beach in your sexy bikini sipping drinks.”
I smile at him and give him a kiss as the plane starts to lift off of the ground. I gasp as the plane climbs and squeeze his hand. His arm wraps around my body pulling me closer to him and I rest my head on his chest.
“You’re safe with me, I promise.” I have no doubt about that. I know for a fact that’s one of the things that attracted me to Dan. I knew I would always be safe with him, heart and mind. Even after we are leveled out in the air, I keep my head on his chest. He gives me such a sense of comfort and security that I don’t want to move.
“Julia, wake up, babe.” I open my eyes, my body stretching needing to bring some life to my sore muscles. When I look out of the window I see that we are once again on the ground.
“Did I sleep the whole time?”
He laughs. “Yea I couldn’t believe that you didn’t wake up when we were landing.”
“I can’t believe we are finally here.” We both stand up and exit the plane. Luckily the hotel has a shuttle and it’s only about a half hour ride from the airport.
When the shuttle pulls up to the hotel I’m taken back. I’ve looked at the pictures a thousand times but they don’t do it any justice. It is a huge modern white building with large trees lining the entrance. The sun is beating down on us from a crystal clear sky and excitement runs through my body even more than before.
We thank our driver and make our way inside to check-in. The lobby is huge with a high ceiling and an intricate chandelier hovers above us. I practically run to the check-in desk so eager start our vacation. Dan comes up behind me, wrapping me in his arms as we give the receptionist our information.
I hear a bunch of yelling and turn toward the sound to see my worst nightmare. This can’t be happening. It’s not possible.
Brian.
He is in the middle of a group of guys, which I think I recognize from the restaurant incident. How the hell can this even be possible? The Gods must hate me and want me to suffer because that is the only reason in the entire world that Brian Evans would end up here of all places in the world.
The group exits the lobby without Brian seeing me, or Dan seeing Brian. “Babe, you okay?” I look up at him trying to shake off the shock that I know must be written on my face.
“Yea, sorry I just zoned out.” And had a heart attack. I’m gonna need a damn Xanax.
We walk away from the desk and head toward the elevators. This hotel is huge, maybe we just won’t run into them. Yea, and Murphy’s Law doesn’t dictate my entire existence either. My happy carefree vacation just went to shit and I’m still in disbelief.
Did he plan this? How the hell would he have known? There is no way in the damn world that this was a coincidence. I am not that unlucky. I just hope that we don’t run into him I know that seeing him will put Dan in a bad mood and I really want this trip to be great for us.
The hotel room is absolutely amazing, we have a balcony that looks out over the beach and the bathroom has a huge Jacuzzi tub in it.