"I know. I got lucky."
"Oh."
That didn't make me feel too good. I couldn't imagine him standing down at the tables long enough to win ten thousand dollars… and I certainly hadn't expected him to be so strong a gambler.
But I didn't say anything. Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money, even if I didn't approve of the way he got it. What worried me was that after we made love, he said he was going back down to the casino, and that he'd be back later to take me to dinner.
I asked him not to go, but he got pissed at me and told me not to interfere with him.
He left, and for some reason, I thought about the gun. It was gone when I went back to check on it.
And later that night, while he was taking a shower before taking me to dinner as he'd promised, it was back in his suitcase again.
But it had been fired.
By the time we got to New York, I was already a disillusioned bride. I was, afraid of my husband.
My mother had told me, "He's a bad seed. He was a delinquent when he was in school around here, and he ain't no better now, except that he's a delinquent on a large scale, which means he's a criminal."
"Mother…" I'd scolded, patiently, "you can't do that. You've got to give him a chance."
Well… I was thinking now that she might have known more than me.
He never did tell me anything about what he did for a living… or where he went when he was gone.
And he'd be gone sometimes for a week… maybe more.
"What the fuck you want to know all that shit for?" he'd complained one night when I was trying to get him to confide in me, "don't I provide you with enough? Shit, look at this place. You live in fucking luxury, in the greatest city in the fucking country, and you're complaining."
"I'm not complaining, Hunter. I'm just… scared."
"What the hell are you scared about?"
"You. You're not like you were."
"And how was I?"
"You were nice."
"Am I mean? Do I beat you? Have I ever split your lip? Have I ever broken any bones?"
"No. You're just not honest with me."
"I've never lied to you."
"Where do you go when you disappear? Why don't you call me? What do you do with your life?"
"I earn money to keep you in this apartment. That's what I do," he said. "But you haven't answered my question. Do I beat you? Do I hurt you?"
"Of course not. That's why it's so difficult for me to understand."
He sighed, but I knew that he wasn't going to tell me anything. We'd been married for only three months, and I was ready to quit. I hated New York, I didn't know anyone here, and I didn't know my way around enough to trust myself to go out alone… and so I just sat alone in the apartment, overlooking Central Park, wondering why I'd done it. Hell, I knew why I'd done it. To get out of Sludge Falls… and he'd seemed like he'd be the one to get me out.
Well… now I wanted to go back, but I didn't dare leave him. He'd never hit me… but I didn't for a minute kid myself into thinking that he wasn't capable of it.
I knew better.
I needed something… anything…
I had to get out of the apartment, had to do something to ease my boredom and take my mind off my husband.
So finally, one night, around eight, when it became clear to me that he wasn't going to come home, I got myself all dressed up, made myself look just as foxy as I knew how… (mainly because I didn't want any hassles with getting carded because I looked too young) and then I walked out to the street and flagged a cab.
I climbed in, and he sat there.
"Drive," I said.
"Where to, Lady?"
"I don't know."
"I hope you don't want me to tell you."
"I might. Where's a good spot for someone like me?"
He turned around and stared at me.
"Depends… what's someone like you looking for?"
I let a long moment pass, and then I said, "What do you think?"
He seemed to jump just a little, and then he said, "I'll tell you what. I'll get you over to the neighborhood, but you're gonna have to chose your spot after that. Okay?"
"Just drive."
I didn't know if my ruse was working or not, but I felt more confident just by acting like I was confident.
He took me over to Third Avenue. "You just wander up and down here, Lady," he said. "You ought to find what your looking for in any one of these bars."
I wasn't sure yet just what I was looking for, but by this time, I'd figured out that the cab driver at least was convinced that I wanted to get laid, and for want of anything better, I decided that I'd go for it.
"Say look… could you tell me something?" I said.
"Shoot."
"What do I do?"
He turned around to star at me again. "Huh?"
"I don't know my way around the city. I've only lived here for a month. I'm kind of nervous."
"Lady, you walk in, you sit down, you order a drink, and before you got it finished, you walk out with whoever you want. All right? Now look, don't keep reminding me what a lousy job I got, having to drive this hack all night long, 'cause if I had a chance, I'd take you home myself."
"So do it."
"I can't."
"All right, then let me take you home."
"You're crazy."
"I know. I'm also horny."
His eyes bugged at that. "Christ, Lady, you realty are looking for it, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I am."
I opened the door, and he started to tell me that I hadn't paid him yet, but I opened the front door instead, slid onto the seat next to him and said, "You sure you won't reconsider?"
I felt my heart pounding. I was scared out of my mind. The cars were racing past on Third Avenue, the sidewalks were crowded, and I could see a variety of bars up and down the street, all, of which seemed to have attractive people fashionably dressed wandering in and out of them. I then looked at the driver.
He was in his mid-thirties. He was good looking, kind of… but he looked like he'd been around.
"Come on… what do you say?"
"Lady… you're putting me in a bad spot… I mean… I gotta earn a living."
I was getting tired of arguing. I decided to give him my best shot, which was to pull my dress up to my waist.
I was wearing a sexy pair of panties that Hunter had bought for me on our honeymoon, cut real brief, see-through…
I spread my legs.
"Jesus, Lady, cool it, would you? I mean, there's people around."
I dropped my dress, tossed him ten bucks and opened the door.
"Hey wait!" he yelled.
"Not a chance, clown. You waited too long."
I slammed the door and walked down the sidewalk.
I felt strange. That was something that I'd never done before. I couldn't imagine what I would have done with him if he'd have taken me up on my offer… where we'd have gone… I mean, would I really have taken him back to Hunter's apartment with me? That seemed too risky, but I thought about it some more… and I realized that as I was thinking about it, my thighs were starting to get really moist.
I was getting turned on… and it wasn't just the idea of fucking a stranger that was turning me on… it was the idea of fucking him in my husband's bed.
I was getting so aroused, I knew that I'd have to do something about it.
So, I followed the cab driver's advice and turned into the first bar that looked inviting.
Donovan's, and there was a large crowd, all of whom seemed to be well on their way to vicious hangovers.
I perched myself at the bar, ordered a straight tequila and when the bartender set it in front of me, I had it downed before he could even go back for the lemon slices.
"More," I said, looking at him evenly. "A double."
He cocked an eyebrow and smiled… but he didn't look convinced.
And I didn't give a shit.
I didn't realize it at the time, of course, but I didn't give a shit about anything.