Killer

Mr. Nguyen: Did that ever happen?

CS: No. Not once. Not one single time. Rambla stayed right next to me.

(26 second pause)

Dr. Delaware: You talk about them putting you in the garage. Is it still Willa Nebe and Kiara Fallows?

CS: Oh. No. When we got there he was there also. The one I knew from the court. Those glasses of his, hiding his eyes. That really shocked me. Two bailiffs are doing something like this? But then I figured it out they were married. And crazy. Anyway. Rambla never left me. She never stopped wanting me. No matter what they said about me being a terrible mother. A terrible person.

Dr. Delaware: They told you that.

CS: All the time. Over and over. That was their reason. They knew what I was. From their work. Being in court, day after day. Hearing about miscreants and bums. That’s what they called it. Miscreants and bums and lowlifes who didn’t deserve to have kids. When so many people who deserved kids couldn’t.

Dr. Delaware: Like them.

CS: That’s what I assumed. Then she would come in and it got crazier.

Mr. Nguyen: She, being …

CS: The young one. Kiara. She was the scariest. I guess. I mean they were all scary, but her …

Dr. Delaware: She was especially scary.

CS: Because the other two — Willa and Hank — at least they said they cared, they had a reason for being crazy, some sort of crazy moral judgments, their work, I don’t know. But at least they gave me a reason. With her it was clearly a joke, she couldn’t care less. A mean joke, she’d come in, bring the food, that was her job, bringing the food and emptying the toilet but she’d always do it in a mean way. Spill food. Spill you-know-what out of the toilet and make sure I saw it and I had to clean it up because with Rambla crawling around it was disgusting. And she’d always make sure it was just far enough so I could clean it but I had to stretch and hurt my ankle, you know?

Dr. Delaware: Sadistic.

CS: Definitely. Also, what she’d say to me was sadistic. I mean with Willa and Hank it was always a test. The test, that’s what they actually called it. I was being examined. To see if I was fit. That gave me hope. At least at first. That I’d pass and they’d let me go. But of course …

(2 minute pause)

CS: I’m sorry, I was just thinking about what could’ve happened. I try not to think about it. Even though you tell me it’s okay to think about it, Dr. Delaware, it’ll get better. I mean I believe you, I trust you, from the moment I met you I had a good feeling about you. And now … thank you so so so much. And you, too, Lieutenant Sturgis. (laughter) And you, too, Mr. Nguyen. I guess you’re all fighting for me. (more laughter) I guess I should thank you too, miss. For taking notes. For putting my words down for posterity. Anyway …

Dr. Delaware: You had hopes you’d pass the test—

CS: And they’d let me go and that would be that. But down deep I knew. I mean I knew who they were. How could they let me go? And then I’d think about what would happen to Rambla. Someone else raising her. Because they judged me. And then she’d come in. Kiara. Not only would she spill stuff including from the toilet. She’d laugh and sneer and totally ignore Rambla. And then — the second day I think it was — she told me what the real plan was. That Rambla was for her. The other two were her uncle and aunt but they raised her so they were more like parents. But they were shitty parents. That’s what she called them. Strict and controlling and shitty, she hated them, one day she was going to take care of them. And then she winked and her face turned into this evil wink. Like she meant it. But like try to prove it. And then, the second day, she said, “They want her for me.” She never even looked at Rambla or smiled or was nice to Rambla. “They want her for me.” Her uncle and aunt are figuring a child will teach her responsibility. She laughed about that. A lot. Then she did it again. That evil wink.

(14 second pause)

CS: Okay, deep breath. Like what you taught me yesterday, Doctor. Deep deeeep breath … okay. Okay … so then she tells me one day Rambla will be hers and she can do anything she wants with Rambla, she doesn’t give a shit about kids, kids are a pain, maybe she could train Rambla to do circus tricks, make some money from her. Wink wink. Then she says, So guess what, bitch? It’ll all be up to me and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Lieutenant Sturgis: Did you ever tell this to Willa or Hank?

CS: I thought about it. Then I figured she’d just say I was lying and they’d punish me, maybe by taking Rambla away. I figured I had to behave myself. For my baby.

(90 second pause)

Mr. Nguyen: Are you okay to continue?

CS: That’s really it. I mean they locked me up and tortured me and I knew they were going to kill me and take my baby and then you showed up and liberated me and I’ll forever be grateful, if I ever have another baby it’ll be named after you. If it’s a boy. If it’s a girl, I’ll figure something out … maybe Alexa. Maybe Mylie.

(Laughter from JN, AD, and MS)

CS: I mean that was as unreal as the whole experience. Being liberated. I mean it really was.

Mr. Nguyen: So they made it clear that the primary reason for abducting you was to take control of your child.

CS: Well … I mean the other two claimed it was the test. But after the beginning — maybe the first two days — they stopped coming in and it was just her.

Mr. Nguyen: Kiara Fallows.

CS: Yes. Like she’d been made the one in charge. Like it was part of her training. Bringing the food. Giving and taking. She became God. Evil goddess. And she made it clear she was in charge, she even called me that. I’m sorry, you wouldn’t know what “that” means. A problem. She called me a problem. Said they were clearing away problems so she could learn to be a good mother. Then she laughed. And spit. Not on Rambla but at Rambla. Rambla understood, kids understand. It was getting to the point where each time she’d come in with the food my baby would scream. And she liked that. Kiara. Rambla would scream. And she’d laugh.