“Like taking candy from a baby,” SondraBeth said. And straightening her cowboy hat, she turned into Monica. Monica, with her country-girl swagger. Her confidence. Her innate belief that everything would always go her way. In her very best Monica voice, SondraBeth started toward him, saying, “Oh, Jonny? It’s me. It’s Monica…”
“No, wait!” Pandy said. She marched down the sidewalk in her sequined dress. As she ripped off the wig, she got right in Jonny’s face and said, “Now look here, Diaper Boy. It’s me, Pandy. So when it comes to Hellenor—”
Jonny’s eyebrows shot up. And then he smiled, as if he’d known this was going to happen all along.
“I knew you’d come here.” He started circling her like a boxer.
“Because I know my own fucking wife, right?” he continued. “And what a creep she is. I knew you’d pull a stunt like this to get out of paying me. You’re a big fucking cheat. And I’m going to make sure all the world finds out. That, and the fact that the only reason I married you was because I thought you were Monica.” He broke off, gave her one last vicious sneer, and began walking away.
“Huh?” Pandy said, gobsmacked.
Jonny stopped, turned around, and strode back to ridicule her further. “And what are you going to do about it?” he jeered. “Nothing, right? Because you never do anything. You’re just what I said you were—a weak, judgmental woman. You think you’re so high and mighty, like you’d never make a mistake. Well, you just made a huge mistake, baby. Who is Hellenor Wallis?”
Pandy blanched.
“Well?” Jonny demanded. He took her by the shoulders and shook her, hard. “Does Hellenor Wallis even exist? Or did you make her up, too?”
“I—” Thoughts spun around in her head while Jonny went on mercilessly:
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did she die, too? How convenient.” He gave her another violent shake that made her teeth rattle.
The edges of Pandy’s vision went black. “It wasn’t like that,” she choked out.
“Then where is she?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Jonny emitted a harsh laugh. “What were you planning to do when they tracked down the real Hellenor?”
Thwack! A pointy-toed cowboy boot hit Jonny square in the forehead. He let go of Pandy and spun around. And there was good old Squeege with her arm pulled back, ready to give Jonny another thunk if necessary.
“Come on,” SondraBeth said as she hailed a taxi.
Pulling Jonny from the front while Pandy pushed him from behind, they bundled him into the backseat, where he was lodged between the two of them.
Just like the ham in one of his famous jambon sandwiches, Pandy thought smugly.
“What the hell!” Jonny snarled.
Heading toward Soho, Pandy took in the colorful beads of the San Geronimo revelers reeling past the car. “You know what?” Jonny blared, like a megaphone at a parade. “You were a really bad fucking wife. Did I ever tell you that? Okay, you were good in bed. At first. But that’s about it.”
“I can’t take this,” SondraBeth said. “Hey, driver, can you turn up the radio?”
“You turned into a goddamn nag,” Jonny continued. “And then, when I saw where you came from…you fucking Puritan bitch! Pretending to be broke, when you had that estate in Connecticut!”
He continued cursing her until three blocks later, when they reached the backstage loading dock of the billboard on Spring Street. As they emerged from the taxi, Pandy saw Freddie the Rat edging forward through the crowd. She and SondraBeth got out, and Freddie quickly came forward. The two men who were with him unceremoniously yanked Jonny from the backseat.
“We got it worked out,” Freddie the Rat said to SondraBeth as the men hustled Jonny away, the heels of his Italian loafers leaving skid tracks along the pavement.
Freddie turned to Pandy. “Nice to meet you, Hellenor,” he said with a wink. He hurried after his guys. “Hey, Jonny,” he called out. “You ready to take a little ride?”
And suddenly, Judy was there. “SondraBeth? Hellenor?” she asked. “We need you to get ready.”
They emerged on the roof of the building, where the Monica billboard rose straight up above under a murky, darkening sky.
Judy handed Pandy a paper cup of coffee. “You’ve unleashed a monster,” she said. She gestured toward the front of the building, at the crowd that was massed on the streets below.
“Look at all those people!” SondraBeth said.
And turning to look, Pandy discovered PP running across the rooftop toward them.
“Where the hell have you been?” he shouted at SondraBeth. And then, spotting Pandy next to her, he turned on her.
“And you, Hellenor Wallis,” he said, all puffed up like a plastic G.I. Joe doll. “I was wrong about you. You are just as bad as your sister.” PP looked from Pandy to SondraBeth as he took another deep breath. “And this time,” he said threateningly, “you’d both better make sure to tell everyone that Monica is alive…”
“Or else what?” SondraBeth demanded.
“I have a list of infractions from the police department,” PP bleated, shaking his device. “Jaywalking, fencing stolen items…I’m going to take these expenses out of your Monica money.”
SondraBeth gave him a nasty smile. “Oh, can it, PP. It’s not up to you. It’s up to Hellenor, remember?”
“Are you ready?” Judy said, tapping the mike.
And then they were on the elevator platform that would take them up to the stage. Pointing to a panel, Judy reminded everyone that they should press the green button to go up and the red button to go down.
Someone pressed the green button, and with a small lurch, they were suddenly moving up, up, up into the sky, satellites twinkling like stars across the landscape. SondraBeth stood on the edge, gripping the railing and staring fiercely out over the landscape. For one second, Pandy saw the girl she’d fallen in love with on the billboard all those years ago…
And suddenly, she knew.
The platform bounced slightly as it came to rest against the back of the small stage.
“You planned this,” Pandy said as they were hustled out of the elevator and onto the narrow backstage platform.
“Planned what?” SondraBeth blanched.
“This whole killing Monica thing. That’s why Freddie the Rat was at your townhouse. You still thought I was Hellenor back then. You were going to convince Hellenor to kill Monica.”
“What are you talking about?” SondraBeth gasped.
“You did all that staging—rolling in the mud, murmuring that Monica was dead, while thinking I was Hellenor…” Pandy shook her head. “Why didn’t you just say you didn’t want to play Monica anymore?”
“Because I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
“You know that’s not true,” Pandy hissed.
“So what?” SondraBeth said. “I didn’t have the courage to admit it. I don’t want to be Monica anymore.”
“Are you ready?” Judy asked. A section of the billboard dropped down in front, opening Monica’s mouth to reveal the stage. Pandy felt a gust of wind, and then it grew into a wave of approval from the audience below.
“In any case, it doesn’t matter,” SondraBeth hissed. “When I realized you were Pandy, I knew it was over. Still, we got even with Jonny. And that’s all that counts.”
“But why not just tell PP that you don’t want to play Monica anymore?” Pandy asked as someone put a microphone in her hand.