“I see. Have you ever been to the States?”
“No.”
“You speak with an American accent. You didn’t learn that in school, did you?”
“I didn’t learn anything in school. I misbehaved so badly they used to make me stand in a corner with my face to the wall. That was my punishment. You have to admit that under those circumstances I didn’t stand a chance of learning anything. Even the gym teacher would throw me out the door.”
She smiled.
“That’s what I wanted,” I said.
“What?”
“To see you smile.”
“Oh, I’m feeling much better now. So where did you learn English?”
“I worked in the desert for a land-surveyor. You know, one of those guys who runs around with poles measuring distances and can never get their numbers right. My boss was an American and every day for fourteen hours I listened to him curse. After a while we got used to each other.”
“You worked in the desert …” she began.
“Yes,” I said. “But please don’t say it must have been romantic. It wasn’t romantic at all. Lots of scorpions and things like that. Lots of snakes, too, so we had to wear boots all the time. And in the evening my boss would bore me with stories about his family. His mother-in-law was an angel, his wife was an angel, his father-in-law was another angel. Fortunately they all died. All he had left was me and his memories. His angel of a mother-in-law died of a heart attack, his angel of a wife died in a car crash, and his angel of a father-in-law drank himself to death. They all flew to heaven.”
“I’m worried about Johnny,” she said.
Suddenly she burst into tears again. I stroked her cheek, remembering to do it clumsily and roughly. You know: a rough man, but a heart of gold. She leaned her head on my shoulder and continued sobbing. I could see she was making an effort to be brave but couldn’t help herself.
“Is it something do with Johnny’s father? Something bad?”
“This is going to sound awful, but it would be better for Johnny if his father were dead. Oh, God!”
“God will know what’s best for the boy. Don’t decide for Him.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“If you have any problems, maybe I can explain things to Johnny for you. I’ll come up with some idea for saving the image of his father for him.”
“Will you do that?”
“Of course. I like the boy.”
“You like him?”
“Sure I do. At times I feel like tearing him to pieces, but that’s got nothing to do with it. I like to watch him.”
“He likes you, too. And I know why. You resemble the father he’s imagined for himself.” She looked at me. “Or maybe that’s why he doesn’t like you. Do you understand?”
“No.”
“Hasn’t any woman ever told you you’re a very attractive man?” she asked. The tone of her voice wasn’t pleasant at all.
“No,” I replied. “Never.”
“Well, then, the women you’ve had weren’t worth a damn.”
I didn’t say anything, and, even if I’d wanted, I wouldn’t have been able to since she quickly added, “Please don’t be angry. I’m a straightforward person. If I like someone, I don’t beat around the bush. I take full responsibility for anything I say.”
I touched her arm. “Are you sure you allow others the same rights as yourself?”
“Of course.”
“Then listen, I like you, too. I think you’re very pretty.”
“Oh, oh,” she said.
“Oh, oh,” I repeated, nodding.
“Really?”
“Really. Otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here with you. No one gives a damn about the tears of an ugly woman. If an ugly woman begins to cry, you tell her she’s got beautiful eyes and walk away. Too bad, but that’s the way men are. As you probably know. What’s your name?”
“Mary. I guess it’s Miryam in Hebrew.”
“I prefer Mary,” I said.
“What’s yours?”
“Jacob.”
“And in Hebrew?”
“Yakov. But the problem is I’m Catholic.”
“Is it tough being a Catholic here?” she asked.
“No. If people like you, you can get along anywhere. And people here take pride in being able to offer work and shelter to someone of a different faith. At least, some of them do. There are some who don’t like Catholics, but that’s not surprising. Let’s go back. I’m dying for a cigarette.”
“Okay,” she said.
When we reached our spot on the beach, I looked at my watch; it was six o’clock. Robert had gone to the hotel. He’d left me a pack of cigarettes and a note: “Take it easy, don’t hurry things. And don’t forget about your anger and inner turmoil. Little Johnny let our dog loose in a kosher butcher shop. He ate a lot of meat. Big losses. We have to go to the police station tomorrow. Take your time and remember the German saying, ‘Patience brings roses.’ I’ll wait for you in the hotel. Robert.” We both lit up and then went to change. I took off my swimming trunks and placed them next to my clothes outside the shower stalls. When I finished showering, I toweled myself and was about to reach for my pants when a small, quick hand darted out from behind the wall and grabbed them. I didn’t have to check to know my swimming trunks and shirt had disappeared, too. Clutching a small towel wrapped around my waist, I leaned over the partition and called out to Mary: “Can you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“I’m totally naked. Johnny swiped my clothes.”
“Your clothes?”
“Yes,” I said. “I have a wet cigarette in my mouth, but that’s all I got.”
“I’ll give him a spanking,” she promised.
“Later. Right now can you lend me your bathing suit, please? I’ve got to get back to the hotel.”
“In a lady’s bathing suit?”
“I’ll say I’ve developed breasts,” I answered cheerfully. “Or that I’m a hermaphrodite. It can be quite funny. I don’t care. I just want to put something on.”
She tossed me her bathing suit and I squeezed into it hastily. I overheard two men talking about me: one said that in California there were lots of men who were attracted solely to members of their own sex, and the other said he had once been to a men’s beauty parlor and it was absolutely disgusting. Looking at me pointedly, they both expressed concern for the future of the American nation, which had so quickly ceased to be a nation of pioneers and had completely degenerated. Then the first one told his friend that if he had read the Bible he wouldn’t be so surprised, since such things were already known in Sodom and Gomorrah. As well as ancient Greece. The other man said he felt insulted to be talked to like some kind of ignoramus; they left quarreling.
“Well, Johnny,” I said to myself, “I think you have a surprise coming. And I don’t think you’re gonna like it.”
“Hey, have you changed yet?” Mary called out.
“I’ll be the prettiest girl on the beach,” I yelled, “as cute as Debbie Reynolds.”
“Maybe I’d better go look for Johnny.”
“Don’t bother. It won’t do any good. He didn’t steal my things in order to let you find them. Anyway, he’s probably made them into a sail or something else by now.”
“Johnny’s a monster,” she said when I walked out. “I’ll give him a good spanking today. On his last birthday he set the house on fire and we had to call the fire engines. My mother almost had a heart attack.” She came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. She did it sweetly and naturally, as if she were my sister. “But don’t be angry at him, please.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “It’s all my fault. I don’t know how to bring him up.”
“I’m not angry,” I said. “I never thought I’d look this good in a lady’s swimsuit. The floral design is exquisite. I’m sure Robert will appreciate it, too.”