“Yeah,” Cogan said, “but if they don’t …”
“I do time,” Mitch said. “It’s very simple. If they’re not his guns, I do time. I did it before. If I have to, I can do it again. They’re gonna have to practically turn themselves inside out, get me more’n three even with the rap sheet I got, for that. Oh Jesus, do them guys love arresting you. They just love it. They get somebody, they finally get a guy, they know his name, Jesus Christ, you’d think some of them’re little kids. Like to bash them right inna mouth, they like it so much. Bastards. But, big fuckin’ deal. I do a year. I don’t like it, but shit, that’s the way it goes.”
“Rough onna wife, though,” Cogan said. “That’s the one thing, you know, Carol can never get it off of her mind, I might get bagged and have to go to jail. Most of the time she don’t give me any shit, except about the way I’m out all the time and everything. But every so often, well, they hooked four guys there and they got them in front the grand jury and they asked them, who’s the guy they’re looking for, you know? Like you say: the guy, they know who he is. And naturally they don’t say anything. And then they get this immunity.”
“They been doing that down in Brooklyn,” Mitch said. “They got everybody in the slammer, and what’d they do? They wouldn’t say anything.”
“Yeah,” Cogan said. “So, the same thing, they go to jail. And if they don’t tell them, which they’re naturally not gonna do, they’re gonna have to stay there. So they’re in the can. And my wife was saying, well, I told her, I said, I’m not big enough. And I’m getting out of it anyway, fast as I can. Guys like me, they don’t even know I’m around. Those’re much bigger guys’n I am. But I can see it. I think, I don’t think she could take it, really, something like that happened. Every time they come in and ask for the toll sheets, there, everybody knows, they talk about it the cafeteria. And she gets all worried and everything. ‘Just promise me one thing, you’ll stay away from phones where they know you.’ So, I do. But I’m almost out of that anyway. I don’t think she could take it, really, something like that happened.”
“None of them can,” Mitch said. The waiter delivered the martini and the beer. Mitch drank the beer. He wiped his mouth. He belched, softly. “The last time, the last time she actually took out the papers. And I didn’t blame her. She was a lot younger then. But when we’re trying that thing, the last day? The jury’s gonna get the case that day. I get up and she’s already up. I dunno how long that is, but I was up at five or so to take a leak, and she wasn’t in bed then. She says: ‘Doesn’t look good, does it?’ Well, what the hell, it didn’t. The cop lied on the stand, of course, put me in the place at nine-thirty, it was at least after ten when I got there that night, and the jury believed him, of course. So, I say, no, it didn’t. And we go in the bedroom, get dressed. And I’m putting my pants on and I’m watching her, she’s getting dressed, I dunno how she does it, the way she drinks and everything, but she always hadda nice body, and I was thinking, you know? Now I’m goin’ away again, and she’ll start beating the shit out of the sauce and everything, and I know she’ll play around. Shit, I mean, I don’t like the feeling it gives me in the nuts, knowing it, but I wouldn’t even ask her, you know? Just because I’m inna can, she’s supposed to go without it just like she’s inna can with me? So she looks at me. ‘This’s the third time I’ve had to do this, Harold,’ she says. She never called me Mitch, and she knows I hate that name.
“ ‘Look,’ I tell her,” Mitch said, “ ‘you never know what’ll happen.’ ” He drank some of the martini. “ ‘What’s gonna happen, you never know.’
“And she says to me,” Mitch said, “ ‘Well, you think you know what’s gonna happen, and I think it’s gonna happen, and I don’t know if I can take it again.’
“So it happened,” Mitch said, “and then the papers come up and I was gonna sign them, let her have what she wants if this’s what she wants. She went through it twice. The girl don’t owe me nothing. She probably is sick of it. But then, I asked her to come up and see me, and I said: ‘Margie, look, you know? You want this, you’re really sure, you can have it. But what’s it gonna get you, huh?’ She was, she was thirty-nine, forty, then. ‘You’re still gonna have the kids, you’re still gonna have to know, I get out, I’m not gonna be in here forever and you’re gonna have to see me when I see them. I’m not gonna stop coming around, seeing them. And, we been together a long time. Unless, unless you really got somebody else you really got to have, okay?’ See, I knew she was seeing this guy. So, she don’t answer me. And I say: ‘Look, do this for me. Don’t do nothing now. You had, you know, when I come out last time, we’re both a lot younger then and all, and you hadda decide then.’ And she looks at me: ‘And you promised me then,’ she says, ‘you promised me then, you were all through. And here I am again, and you’ll promise me now, again, and I’ll wait five years and get six more, and then you’ll do something again.’
“ ‘Margie,’ I said,” Mitch said, “ ‘what can I say to you? I know. You’re right. But all I’m asking, you can do, wait’ll I come out again. Because, I dunno who the guy is,’ ” Mitch said, “and I did, of course. I knew about it two days after she was with him the first time. I don’t blame him, either. ‘I oughta at least, you oughta at least do this for me: I oughta be around the same’s he is. Because we always got along all right.’ And she starts crying and shaking her head, and I really thought. But she didn’t. And it was all right. I think, you know, you know anything about kids? Probably not.” Mitch finished the martini.
“You’re not having any more of those things,” Cogan said. “You’ll fall on your ass if you do.”
“I can handle it,” Mitch said. “I was drinking before you got out of your father’s cock. Don’t tell me what I do.” He signaled the waiter. He pointed twice at Cogan’s empty stein. “Nobody knows anything about kids,” Mitch said. “But, it’s really hard on the kids. I think it was that, probably, what did it to them, the way they hadda be and all. They’re no good. Oh, they’re good enough. My daughter’s all right. But my son, he won’t have nothing to do with me. And I think, this’s the funny part, all right? I think it probably was that, that she did it for, and it probably would’ve been better for them if she didn’t. I think that’s why she drinks so much, now.”
“I thought she was all right,” Cogan said, “we’re down in Florida, there.”
“She was,” Mitch said. “Look, when I was down there she was all right. When I went down there. She really was. I believed it. But see, that was the first time she was all right, and since then, I seen what happened. I talked to some guys, everybody that’s got somebody like that, and the first time they shake it, you know, you always think they shook it and that’s the end of it. They always think that, they think that themselves. But they never do. Nobody like that’s ever all right again, ever. I came back, there, I was home about a month and we’re going at it left and right, this and that, well, look, I dunno what it is, you know? But I wasn’t sorry I hadda come up here, lemme put it that way. She was going at it again. They can’t stay away from it when they get like that. The best they can do is, they can stay away from it for a while. I think something finally happens to them. I go away, I go away on this thing again, she’ll go down the slide once and for all before they get the gray suit on me. And this time, boy, I find that out, I get the papers again from her, this time I sign them. It’s too fuckin’ rough for me.”