Enter Kent
Disguised
KENT If but as will I1 other accents borrow,
That can my speech defuse2, my good intent
May carry through itself to that full issue3
For which I razed my likeness4. Now, banished Kent,
If thou canst serve where thou dost stand condemned,
So may it come thy master whom thou lov’st,
Shall find thee full of labours.
Horns within. Enter Lear and Attendants [his Knights]
LEAR Let me not stay8 a jot for dinner: go get it ready.—
[Exit a Knight]
To Kent
How now, what art thou?
KENT A man, sir.
LEAR What dost thou profess? What wouldst thou11 with
us12?
KENT I do profess to be no less than I seem; to serve him
truly that will put me in trust, to love him that is honest, to
converse with him that is wise and says little, to fear
judgement, to fight when I cannot choose and to eat no fish16.
LEAR What art thou?
KENT A very honest-hearted fellow, and as poor as the
king.
LEAR If thou be’st as poor for a subject as he’s for a king,
thou art poor enough. What wouldst thou?
KENT Service.
LEAR Who wouldst thou serve?
KENT You.
LEAR Dost thou know me, fellow?
KENT No, sir, but you have that in your countenance
which I would fain call master.
LEAR What’s that?
KENT Authority.
LEAR What services canst thou do?
KENT I can keep honest counsel, ride, run, mar a curious31
tale in telling it, and deliver a plain message bluntly: that
which ordinary men are fit for, I am qualified in, and the best
of me is diligence.
LEAR How old art thou?
KENT Not so young, sir, to love a woman for singing, nor
so old to dote on her for anything37: I have years on my back
forty-eight.
LEAR Follow me, thou shalt serve me: if I like thee no
worse after dinner, I will not part from thee yet.— Dinner,
ho, dinner! Where’s my knave41? My fool? Go you and call my
fool hither.
[Exit another Knight]
Enter Steward [Oswald]
You, you, sirrah, where’s my daughter?
OSWALD So44 please you—
Exit
LEAR What says the fellow there? Call the clotpoll45 back.—
[Exit another Knight]
Where’s my fool? Ho, I think the world’s asleep.—
[Enter a Knight]
How now? Where’s that mongrel?
KNIGHT He says, my lord, your daughter is not well.
LEAR Why came not the slave49 back to me when I called
him?
KNIGHT Sir, he answered me in the roundest51 manner, he
would not.
LEAR He would not?
KNIGHT My lord, I know not what the matter is, but to my
judgement your highness is not entertained55 with that
ceremonious affection as you were wont56: there’s a great
abatement of kindness appears as well in the general57
dependants as in the duke himself also and your daughter.
LEAR Ha? Say’st thou so?
KNIGHT I beseech you pardon me, my lord, if I be mistaken,
for my duty cannot be silent when I think your highness
wronged.
LEAR Thou but rememb’rest me of mine own conception63:
I have perceived a most faint64 neglect of late, which I have
rather blamed as mine own jealous curiosity than as a very65
pretence and purpose of unkindness. I will look further
into’t. But where’s my fool? I have not seen him this two
days.
KNIGHT Since my young lady’s going into France, sir, the
fool hath much pined away.
LEAR No more of that, I have noted it well.— Go you and
tell my daughter I would speak with her.—
[Exit a Knight]
Go you, call hither my fool.—
[Exit another Knight]
Enter Steward [Oswald]
O, you sir, you, come you hither, sir. Who am I, sir?
OSWALD My lady’s father.
LEAR ‘My lady’s father’? My lord’s knave: you whoreson
dog, you slave, you cur77!
OSWALD I am none of these, my lord, I beseech your pardon.
LEAR Do you bandy79 looks with me, you rascal?
Strikes him
OSWALD I’ll not be strucken80, my lord.
KENT Nor tripped neither, you base football81 player.
Trips him
LEAR I thank thee, fellow: thou serv’st me and I’ll love
thee.
KENT Come, sir, arise, away! I’ll teach you differences84:
away, away! If you will measure your lubber’s85 length again,
tarry: but away, go to86. Have you wisdom? So.
Pushes Oswald out
LEAR Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee.
Gives money
There’s earnest88 of thy service.
Enter Fool
FOOL Let me hire him too: here’s my
coxcomb90.
Offers Kent his cap
LEAR How now, my pretty91 knave, how dost thou?
To Kent
FOOL Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.
LEAR Why, my boy?
FOOL Why? For taking one’s part that’s out of favour: nay,
an thou canst not smile as the wind sits95, thou’lt catch cold
shortly. There, take my coxcomb. Why, this fellow has
banished two on’s97 daughters and did the third a blessing
against his wilclass="underline" if thou follow him, thou must needs98 wear
my coxcomb.— How now, nuncle? Would99 I had two
coxcombs and two daughters.
LEAR Why, my boy?
FOOL If I gave them all my living102, I’d keep my coxcombs
myself. There’s mine: beg another of thy daughters.
LEAR Take heed, sirrah: the whip.
FOOL Truth’s a dog must to kenneclass="underline" he must be whipped
out when the Lady Brach106 may stand by th’fire and stink.
LEAR A pestilent gall107 to me!
FOOL Sirrah, I’ll teach thee a speech.
LEAR Do.
FOOL Mark110 it, nuncle:
Have more than thou showest,
Speak less than thou knowest,
Lend less than thou owest113,
Ride more than thou goest114,
Learn more than thou trowest115,
Set less than thou throwest116;
Leave thy drink and thy whore,
And keep in-a-door,
And thou shalt have more119
Than two tens to a score120.
KENT This is nothing, fool.
To Lear
FOOL Then ’tis like the breath of an unfee’d122
lawyer: you gave me nothing for’t.— Can you make no use123
of nothing, nuncle?
LEAR Why, no, boy: nothing can be made out of nothing.
To Kent
FOOL Prithee tell him, so much the rent of his land
comes to: he will not believe a fool.
LEAR A bitter fool!
FOOL Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between a
bitter fool and a sweet one?
LEAR No, lad, teach me.