"I do not believe I like it. Once, long ago, my brother and I discovered a passage that led to the wine-cellars. We did as boys would. For days afterwards both he and I wandered the Keep like daylight shades, our heads feeling as though stuffed with down and horsehair. So it feels to me now. I know joy when I am with Elayeen, and such rapture I cannot describe when we are alone together at night. Yet it in the day, it all seems to fade into this woolly vagueness that robs me of all desire to action. I do not believe I like it, Allazar."
"It will pass. Your body needs time to adjust to this new dependency, that is all."
"Dependency? Allazar, I have not yet seen twenty summers! Part of me screams in protest that I must spend the rest of my life chained by invisible bonds to Elayeen. Part of me screams that it is not fair, it is not just, that if anything should befall her, I should waste away and die." Gawain drew in a deep breath, and then turned to stare desperately at the wizard, whispering: "I love her dearly, Allazar, how could I not? Yet there is a small and shameful part of me that resents her for making me throth."
The wizard nodded, and patted the young man on the shoulder. "I believe I understand, my friend. You are young, and the binding is not yet complete. This disquiet, this becalming, shall pass, and all will become clearer again. Is not the Lady Elayeen as she always was to you, in spite of throth and the braid she wears so proudly? She is not become some vacant slave to these bonds you dread, and neither shall you be. It is as she has said. Love her, and be near, always. This does not mean you must spend every waking moment with her hand in yours."
Gawain sighed. "I know. And I know that my words are shameful, much less the thoughts that plague me. Yet, I do not like this feeling. There," he nodded at the distant Teeth as the farak gorin shimmered in the sunlight, "There lies our enemy, and I cannot summon the strange aquamire to give the clarity I would have when thinking of them and their plans against us. For this too, I find myself resentful. This is no time to be wandering Tarn wrapped in the soft down of love and tenderness."
"Perhaps it is precisely the time, Longsword. Soon enough, there will be little time for such gentle moments. Relish them, my friend, while you can, as do all who know of the threat we face. Just as a condemned man must live a lifetime in the hours he has remaining, so must we all with war waiting beyond the horizon."
"Well. I may have no choice in the matter. Soon our friends will gather for breakfast, and when Elayeen smiles at me across the table, I know I shall be slave again to the eyes that have haunted mefor so long. And my mind will vanish, and I will forget this conversation."
Allazar smiled. "Well, I suspect the day might bring excitement of a different kind. Word reached me late last night that General Karn approaches Tarn, in company with three of my brethren from the Castle Town. Eryk sent fast riders ahead of him, and already the General and his staff make haste to Rak's quiet town. This may be the last morning you and your Lady might spend in peace, my friend. Do not squander it sitting alone on this bleak watch."
Allazar stood, and turned to walk away.
"Wait," Gawain called, "I'll accompany you. I'm sure Rak would welcome the news you bring over breakfast."
Allazar smiled, and together they walked the frosty track down to Tarn.
"This is good news." Rak enthused while Merrin spoon-fed Travak. "There can be no doubt that Eryk proceeds apace. General Karn is a good man."
"So I have heard at the inn." Allazar agreed, relishing the fresh-cooked gammon heaped upon his plate.
Gawain ate without appetite, and when he glanced across the table at Elayeen, he felt a twinge of guilt on seeing hurt and confusion in her eyes.
"What say you, Traveller?" Rak asked quietly.
"I do not know this General, though it would appear his reputation is sound." Gawain mumbled. "It is the wizards that accompany him that disquiet me."
"I would be unsettled if their imminent arrival did not disquiet you, Longsword." Allazar smiled.
"Even so. Before any discussion begins in their presence, I would have them disrobe."
"Mithroth!" Elayeen gasped.
Gawain frowned, trying to shake the woolliness from his brains. "You know what I mean, Allazar. They must open their robes. If I see strange writing on their bodies or a black crystal lens about their necks…"
"I know what you mean, Longsword. Have no fear."
Gawain shrugged, and toyed with his food. "I don't trust whitebeards. They should all be made to expose their breast, that all can see they are not Morloch's spies." he mumbled.
"And if I had been a wizard, mithroth, that night you found me trapped and hurt?" Elayeen smiled playfully.
"He would probably have left you there, my lady." Allazar mumbled through a mouthful.
"Besides," Rak said quickly, "I do not think that venerable wizards will take kindly to such a suggestion, irrespective of their gender."
Gawain sighed, and pushed his plate away. "I do not care whether they take kindly to it or not, and neither should anyone else, for that matter."
"Does something ail you, mithroth?" Elayeen said quietly, her eyes wide with concern.
"No. I am just…not myself, this morning. I think I shall bathe. What time is the General expected?"
"Late this afternoon." Allazar announced, his plate swept clean.
"I thank you, friend Allazar." Merrin announced with a twinkle in her eye as she removed his plate. "For the briefest moment, I thought my cooking offended."
Gawain missed her glance at his own plate, and stood, and left the table.
Later, as he dressed in fresh clothes, Elayeen knocked gently on the door and entered.
"Mithroth," she whispered hesitantly, "Have I offended you?"
"No, of course not." Gawain mumbled, trying desperately to understand the question.
"I awoke to find you gone from my side," she said softly, nervously entwining her restless fingers. "And at breakfast you barely spoke. If I have wronged you somehow, you would tell me?"
"You have not wronged me, Elayeen," Gawain muttered, sitting on the bed to pull on his boots. "I am just not myself today. I can't think. Properly."
Elayeen crossed the room to sit beside him. "It is the throth, miheth, nothing more. I felt…strange, when first it came upon me. It will soon pass."
"I wish it would pass soon. I don't like it. I don't like not understanding things when people say things. By the Teeth, I can't even make my own words make sense!"
She reached out and took his hand, and then slipped her arm around his shoulders. "It will pass soon, miheth."
Gawain sighed as she drew his head to her shoulder, and began stroking his hair.
"In Elvendere, when I became ithroth, you were lying ill from the Black Rider's shaft. You had recovered a little, and the wizards came and said it was not meet for me to remain at your side. When I was alone in my room, feeling…lost, and confused, I think I hated you. For making me throth."
"Hated me?"
She squeezed his hand. "I think so. I can't remember clearly. You were kind to me, and gentle, when you found me in the forest. You were strong, and carried me all the way to my people, and said kind things. Later, when the scouts brought you to us, and told us of your dreadful battle, I nursed you, and you called my name so many times in your fever. And I became ithroth. I could not believe I had become so, to a human, and to so terrible a warrior. And I knew you would not love me, and that you would leave me as soon as you were well, and that I would die in Faranthroth."
"Elayeen…"
She sighed, and kissed his head. "But you did love me. And you came back for me, and brought me out of Faranthroth. If you hate me now for making you throth, I will understand."