‘I dunno. I really don’t. On the one hand, somebody wants to make a movie about my life. How flattering is that? On the other…’ Nina sighed. ‘I dread to think what they might do with it.’
‘Christ, yeah,’ Eddie agreed. ‘For a start, Grant playing me? For fuck’s sake! Maybe Jason Statham or Tom Hardy, someone like that, I could cope with. But not a bloody Californian surfer dude.’
‘And who’d play me? Some bimbo with huge fake boobs, probably.’
‘I’d pay to see that,’ he said, smirking. Nina slapped his arm.
‘Hey, if they make a sequel about finding the Pyramid of Osiris, I could play myself!’ Macy chirped.
The smirk widened. ‘That’ll save ’em having to look for a bimbo with huge fake boobs.’ Nina batted Eddie’s arm again; Macy took a moment to work out exactly what he had meant, then followed suit. ‘Ow.’
‘Serves you right,’ Nina told him, before taking his hand as they walked along. ‘I don’t know,’ she said again. ‘I have to admit that I’m tempted. And assuming that Marvin was only partially bullshitting us rather than totally, it seems like the potential money from a successful movie is astronomical. But would it be selling out? Is it cheapening everything I’ve worked for?’
Eddie squeezed her hand. ‘Only you can figure that one out, love. Although the kind of money he was talking about was pretty mind-blowing, even more than the book deal. You could fund your own expeditions, never mind going through the IHA.’
She became downcast. ‘I won’t get to go on them, though, will I?’
Macy suddenly stopped, taking Nina’s wrist and pulling her and Eddie to a halt. ‘Okay, so what’s going on?’ she demanded. ‘That’s the third time you’ve said something that sounds as if you’re giving up archaeology. I know you, Nina — that’d be like you giving up…’ She tried to think of a comparison. ‘Breathing.’
‘I don’t really want to talk about it,’ Nina told her.
The younger woman snorted. ‘You know that now I totally won’t give up asking until you do, right?’
Eddie recognised his wife’s growing discomfort and attempted to change the subject. ‘Hey, cool!’ he cried, looking down at his feet. ‘I’m standing on William Shatner!’ Set into the paving was one of the many pink marble stars along the Hollywood Walk of Fame. ‘That’s made my day.’
‘Shouldn’t you be standing on Clint Eastwood to say that?’ said Nina.
‘Clint doesn’t have a star; I looked it up.’ He turned and swept an arm back at those they had already passed. ‘Can you believe that? Clint fucking Eastwood doesn’t have a Hollywood star! He was Dirty Harry, the Man With No Name — and he was in my favourite film of all time!’
‘Which one?’ asked Macy.
‘Where Eagles Dare! Absolute classic.’
‘Isn’t that the one where he just, like, shoots hundreds of Nazis?’
‘Like I said, classic.’
‘He bought a PlayStation 4 just so he could watch it on Blu-ray,’ said Nina with humorous despair. They continued back towards Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, a short way down the street.
Seeing that Macy had no intention of dropping her line of questioning, Eddie decided to distract her again. ‘You know what, though? If they do make a movie about us, that means there’ll be an Eddie Chase action figure! That’d be pretty cool.’
‘Yeah, but it’d look like Grant,’ Macy pointed out.
‘What?’ He scowled. ‘Buggeration and fuckery, it would, wouldn’t it?’
‘I’m also not sure that toy companies would want to make a figure whose catchphrase is “Buggeration and fuckery”,’ added his wife.
They reached Grauman’s, where their ride was waiting. Nina pursed her lips at the sight. ‘I know Grant wanted to do something nice for us, but did he have to hire that?’ Their limousine was a gaudy, chrome-dripping Hummer H2, stretched to almost double its original not inconsiderable length. ‘Everyone’ll think I’m on my prom night.’
‘That’s your big problem,’ said Eddie. ‘You actually give a crap what people think.’ He took a photo of the iconic cinema. ‘Okay, that’s another one crossed off my list of things to see.’
‘It’s in a great location,’ said Nina sarcastically. ‘Directly opposite a Hooters.’
Eddie looked across the street at the chain restaurant. ‘I dunno, seems fine to me. Watch a film, cross the road, get some nosh and ogle girls in tight tops and hot pants…’ He trailed off as he noticed something else.
‘Y’know, most women would consider half the stuff that comes out of your mouth as grounds for divorce,’ Nina joked, before realising that his expression had changed. With slight concern — she had seen the look too many times before — she followed his gaze. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘That Jeep there,’ said Eddie. A bright yellow Jeep Wrangler had stopped at the kerb about twenty yards behind them.
‘What about it?’
‘It’s keeping pace with us. It was parked about that far away from the Shat’s star, and I’m sure it was on the corner when we were looking at the Hollywood sign.’
‘You think it’s following us?’ Nina said, dubious.
As if the driver had realised he had been seen, the Jeep suddenly pulled out. Eddie watched it pass, but caught only a glimpse of a young blond man through the tinted windows. It reached the junction with North Orange Drive and turned left, disappearing from sight. ‘See?’ she said. ‘He’s gone.’
‘For now,’ said Eddie, still staring after it.
‘Oh, come on. Why would anyone be following us around? Unless it was some rival producer to Marvin. I mean, pretty much everybody who’s ever had a problem with us is dead. Except for ex-president Dalton, but after he got arrested I’d imagine he has bigger things to worry about than us.’
‘Yeah, like not dropping the soap in the shower.’ He tapped on one of the limo’s windows.
The driver’s door opened, and a young Hispanic man in a shiny and slightly too tight uniform hopped out. ‘There you are!’ he said, scurrying to open the rear door for them. ‘Did you see the Hollywood sign?’
‘Thanks, Hector,’ said Nina, climbing inside. ‘Yes, we did.’
‘It was so bloody small we had to squint,’ Eddie added, joining her.
‘Yeah, people always think it’s bigger than it really is,’ Hector said. He waited for Macy to get in, then closed the door and returned to his seat. ‘So where you going next?’
‘Rodeo Drive, please,’ Nina told him.
‘Hey, Beverly Hills! You’ll like it. Very classy. Very expensive.’ He put the oversized 4x4 into drive and carefully merged with the traffic.
‘Good choice,’ said Macy. She opened her little Victoria Beckham handbag. ‘And gee, look! Grant loaned me his credit card.’
‘Poor bugger,’ said Eddie. He settled beside Nina on one of the plump scarlet bench seats running the limo’s length. ‘Why do you want to go there anyway?’ he asked her. ‘It’s just shops.’
Nina retrieved a pamphlet from her own bag. ‘I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Eddie, but I’m a woman.’
‘That explains the nice soft curvy bits and the lack of hairy bollocks, then.’
She laughed as Macy held in a giggle. ‘And as a woman, sometimes — not often, as I’m sure you’re very happy about, but sometimes — I have the urge to look at things I don’t need and can’t afford in places I’d never normally go. And since we’re in the same city as one of the most ridiculously overpriced shopping streets on the planet, this is one of those times.’
‘You live in New York!’ Eddie hooted. ‘The IHA is five blocks from Fifth Avenue!’
‘That’s different. We’re on vacation!’ She unfolded the pamphlet to reveal a map of Beverly Hills. ‘Hector, how long will it take to get there?’