“Talking about Wren.”
“Right. So, why don’t you tell her things?”
“I just… don’t,” she said, but then thought about it. “Part of it’s ’cause she can’t keep a secret. She told you pretty much everything she knows about me!”
“Yeah, she did.”
Christy’s eyes widened with panic. “You haven’t told her anything else, have you? About the things I like, what we do?”
“No,” I chuckled.
“Oh, thank goodness! Even if she didn’t tell anyone, there’re certain things I don’t want her to know.”
“Why not?”
She frowned and tried to put her thoughts into words. “She’s really open-minded, but not about some things. It’s weird. I used to think she was like you, but she’s not. She is about swinging and stuff— Oh my gosh! That’s all she talks about since I told her I know.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured.”
“But she isn’t like you in other ways. She’s really judgmental sometimes, especially about anyone who’s different. Like your friends, the gay guys. She thinks they’re disgusting. But she and I do the same thing! I mean, what’s the difference between them and us? Nothing!”
“That’s how I feel. It’s a double standard, only in reverse. Two girls, hot.
Two guys, disgusting.”
“Yeah. Wren isn’t the worst—I mean, she’s nice to the guys to their face, even if she disapproves behind their back—but I still don’t want her to know about things we do. Even if she wouldn’t disapprove, I think she’d take advantage. Like, I’m a total submissive, and I— Oh, don’t look so surprised!
Of course I know what I am. I knew the first time I read a letter in Variations about a slave and her master. Why do you think I call you ‘sir’?”
“I thought it was ’cause your dad—”
“Seriously? My mom’s had a rule as long as I can remember. I’ve never called him that. I only say it to you. And only because…” She lowered her eyes. “You’re like me. You understand. You’re… my master.”
“I never realized,” I said. “You mean that literally.”
“I do. And I think Wren would just use it to get what she wants. She isn’t
a bad person, but she’s selfish about certain things. She’d totally take advantage of me. You won’t.”
“No,” I agreed.
“I also trust you not to hurt me. For real, I mean, not just emotionally. I don’t think Wren would either, but… she gets carried away sometimes. It’s only ’cause she gets excited and impatient, but still.” She studied her hands again. “I feel really bad for saying all this. I love Wren, but I also know how she is.”
“I understand.”
She looked into my eyes and silently told me she loved me. Then she rested her head on my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. We sat in silence for several minutes. She wasn’t restless, but she wasn’t exactly calm either. Still, I was a little surprised when I felt her make an attitude adjustment.
She sat up and grinned. “We’ll have to tell Wren some things…”
“Such as?”
“If I ever want to try swinging for real.”
“Right.”
“And about our first time. She’ll want details.” She frowned. “I take that back. That’s just between you and me. I’ll tell her about the second time. And for the record, I mean after we take a break. The first time is probably going to be a bunch of times in a row.” Her eyes glinted as she imagined it. “Under you… on top of you… from behind… Mmm, someone approves.”
“Someone likes when you talk about going all the way.”
“He likes other things too.”
“For now.”
She thought about it and nodded. Then she studied her hands uncertainly.
“I know we’ve been talking about more serious stuff, but I’m still in the mood… if you are.”
“For what?” I teased.
She shot me a sly, sideways grin. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“You know me so well.”
“Mmm, I do. I also know you’re going to do some very naughty things to me. I can’t wait! I came, like, six times when you tied me up before.”
My eyebrows shot up. “I thought it was twice.”
“Uh-uh. I… um… have little ones. Sometimes a lot. Pretty much any time you touch me. Not right away or anything, but…” She shrugged. “I can’t
explain it. It’s like a tingle whenever we’re close. Like now. Just sitting with you has me all hot and slippery.”
“Well, we’re also talking about sex.”
“It isn’t that,” she insisted. “Sometimes it’s even when we aren’t. Like, when we’re drawing together at your desk or just sitting in my studio. I think of you and get all worked up. And I… um… sort of squeeze my legs together. I’ll touch myself if I can get away with it without someone noticing
—even you, Mr. Eagle Eye.”
“I’ll have to pay more attention.”
“Why? So you’ll see that I can’t control myself?”
“No, so I’ll see you give in to your desires.”
“That’s all I ever seem to do where you’re concerned.”
“I like it.” I chuckled at a memory. “I used to get annoyed when you hinted but wouldn’t ask for things.”
“I could tell. And I was annoyed that you wouldn’t just do what we both wanted.”
I nodded. “But now I think I understand.”
“Me too.”
“A lot of your pleasure is from being forced to do something. That, and the threat of humiliation.”
“And you don’t want someone passive or guilt-ridden.”
“No. I don’t mind taking charge and being the dominant one—it’s my personality anyway—but I don’t want to be the only one making decisions, especially about something as important as sex.”
“I make decisions too!”
“I’ve noticed.” I tilted her chin up for a kiss. “And I’m more comfortable doing things without you explicitly asking.”
Her eyes suddenly brightened. “Does that mean you’ll—?”
“No,” I chuckled. “You’re still going to have to ask, out loud, when you’re ready to go all the way.”
“But I am ready,” she insisted. Then she immediately lowered her eyes. “I just… can’t say it.”
“Then you aren’t ready. Not for real.”
“I know. You’re right. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Why can’t you just hold me down and have your way with me? You know I won’t feel guilty. I promise! I— Don’t shake your head, I’m not finished.”
“If you can’t ask, then you’d feel guilty. Maybe only a little, but that’s
still too much.”
“Sometimes I really don’t like you.” She fell silent and stared at her hands in her lap. “I’m sick of waiting. I mean, we’re getting closer every day, and not just physically. Emotionally and spiritually too. I know God approves. My whole family too. Well, except for Rich. He’s just…
disagreeable. But even my dad likes you, although he made my mom promise not to tell me.”
I chuckled. “He probably told her because he knew she’d tell you anyway. He’s too savvy, too much of a politician to think otherwise.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Uh-huh. Your parents understand each other very well. The more I learn about them, the more I like them. They’re a very, very good team.” I lifted her chin and smiled. “Like you and I are becoming.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.”
“Not until the wedding,” she said automatically. We shared a grin, and then she continued, “I think so too, which is why it’s so annoying that I can’t just ask for what I want. I know I want it. And my body really wants it.
But… I can’t bring myself to say it.”
“I’m not so worried. You’ve changed a lot just in the last several months.