He went on: ” Catherine, what is your answer?”
” It is No, Gabriel. There is so much we do not know about each other.”
” You mean there is so much you do not know about me.”
” Perhaps that is what I mean.”
“But what do you want to know? We love horses; we love dogs; we find pleasure in each other’s company; I can laugh and be happy with you.
What more could I ask than to laugh and be happy for the rest of my life? “
” And with others … in your home … you cannot laugh and be happy?”
” I could never be completely happy with anyone else but you; I could never laugh so freely.”
” It seems a flimsy structure on which to base a marriage.”
“You are being cautious, Catherine. You feel I have spoken too soon.”
I knew then how desolate I should be if he went away, and I said quickly: ” Yes, that is it. This is too soon….”
” At least,” he said, ” I do not have to fear a rival. Do not say No, Catherine. Think of how much I want this to be … and try to want it a little yourself.”
I stood up. I was no longer in the mood to stay on the moors. He made no protest and we rode to the village, where he said good-bye to me.
When I reached the stables Friday was waiting there for me, He always knew when I had gone out riding and never failed to be in the stableyard watching for my return.
He waited patiently until I had given Wanda to one of the lads, then he flung himself at me, making sure that I was fully aware of his pleasure in my return. Many dogs have that lovable quality, but in Friday it was stronger than usual because it was touched by an extreme humility.
He stood aside while my attention was given to others, waiting patiently until it was his turn. I believed that the memory of early wretchedness always remained with Friday, and that was why in all his exuberant affection there was that touch of deep humility and gratitude.
I lifted him in my arms and he sniffed my jacket with ecstacy.
I hugged him. I was growing more and more fond of him with every day, and my affection for him enhanced my feelings for Gabriel.
Even as I turned into the house I was wondering what marriage with Gabriel would be like. I was already beginning to believe that it was a state which I could contemplate without abhorrence.
What would my life in Glen House be like when Gabriel went away? I should ride Wanda, walk with Friday, but one could not be out of doors for ever. The winter would come. Winters were harsh in the moorland country ; there were days at a stretch when it was impossible to venture out unless one wanted to risk death in the blizzards. I thought of long dark days in the house—the weary monotonous round. It was true that Uncle Dick might come home ; but his visits could not be of very long duration and I could remember from the past how life seemed doubly dull after he had left.
It occurred to me then that I needed to escape from Glen House. A way was being offered to me. If I refused to take it, might I not be regretful for the rest of my life?
Gabriel came to dine with us occasionally. My father always roused himself on such occasions and was a tolerable host. I could see that he did not dislike Gabriel. Fanny’s lips would curl in a sardonic smile when Gabriel was in the house. I knew that she was thinking that he was making use of our hospitality while he was in the neighbourhood, and that when the time came for him to leave he would do so and promptly forget us. Fanny, who was determined to give nothing, was always afraid that people were going to take something away from her.
There were sly references to my ” hopes” regarding Gabriel. She had never married and believed that it was the woman who desired that state in cold blood because it meant that she must be fed and clothed for the rest of her life. As for the man who had to provide the food-and clothing, he would naturally seek to “get what he wanted ” Fanny’s expression without giving more than he could help. Fanny’s values were material. I longed to escape from them, and I knew ‘that with each day I was withdrawing myself farther and farther from Glen House and feeling closer and closer to Gabriel.
May was with us and the days were warm and sunny; it was a joy to escape to the moors. Now we talked of ourselves and there was a certain feverishness about Gabriel. He always seemed to me like a man who was looking over his shoulder at some pursuer, while he was desperately conscious of passing time.
I made him tell me about his home, and he was willing enough to do so now. I felt this to be because he had already convinced himself that I would marry him and that it would not be only his home but mine.
In my imagination it was a hazy, grey edifice comprised of ancient stones. I knew there was a balcony because Gabriel talked of it often ; I pictured the scene from that balcony, for Gabriel had described it to me many times. The balcony was evidently a favourite spot of his.
I knew that from it it was possible to see the river winding its way through the meadows ; the woods, which in some places went down to the river’s edge, and a quarter of a mile from the house those ancient piles of stone, those magnificent arches which the years had not been able to destroy; and across the wooden bridge, away beyond the river, the wild moorland country.
But what were houses compared with the people who lived in them? I learned by degrees that Gabriel, like myself, had no mother, she had been advanced in years when he was conceived, and when he came into the world she went out of it. Our motherless ness was a further bond between us.
He had a sister, fifteen years older than himself a widow with a seventeen-year-old son; he also had a father who was very old.
” He was nearly sixty when I was born,” Gabriel told me. ” My mother was forty. Some of the servants used to say I was the afterthought’; others used to say I killed my mother. “
I was immediately angry because I knew how such careless comments could hurt a sensitive child. ” How ridiculous!” I cried, my eyes flashing with anger as they always did over what I considered injustice.
Gabriel laughed, took my hand and held it very tightly.
Then he said seriously: ” You see I cannot do without you. I need you to protect me against the cruel things that are said of me.”
” You are no longer a child,” I replied somewhat impatiently ; and when I analysed my impatience I found it grew out of my desire to protect him. I wanted to make him strong enough not to be afraid.
” Some of us remain children until we die.”
” Death!” I cried. “Why do you harp continually on death?”
” It’s true that I do,” he said. ” It’s because I am so anxious to live every minute of my life to the full.”
I did not understand what he meant then; and I asked to hear more of the family.
” Ruth, my sister, rules the household and will do so until I marry.
Then of course my wife will do that, because I am the only son and the Revels will one day be mine. “
” When you speak of the Revels you do so in a tone of reverence.”
” It is my home.”
” And yet …” I was going to say, I believe you are glad to have escaped from it. ” You are not eager to return.”
He did not notice my interruption. He murmured as though to himself: “
It ought to have been Simon …”
” Who is Simon?”