Bryan stared at her, but for once could see no intent to deceive. “Tell me you’re lying.”
“Would I do that?”
Heart heavy, he closed his eyes and shook his head. Oh, Katie.
“Oh, please,” she said with heartfelt disgust. “Don’t feel sorry for her, she always made out in the end. She and her mother received a huge life insurance settlement. She went to the college of her choice. She got to become whatever she wanted-God knows why she’d waste it on becoming an accountant, but that’s another story. Fact is, she came out smelling like a rose.”
“And you didn’t,” he said quietly, finding himself pitying Holly, not Katie. What kind of a woman would look at Katie’s life, and what she’d been through, and resent her?
But what he felt for Katie was far more complicated than pity. Compassion, empathy, yes. Definitely all that and more. Also a fierce pride for what she’d done for herself in spite of the obstacles she’d overcome. But there was a new understanding for what she saw when she looked at him.
And it wasn’t pretty.
All this time, he’d been allowing himself to get caught up in the bafflement of why a woman with so much hidden passion and love for life would stifle herself. Why she would pretend she didn’t feel, and even worse, pretend she didn’t need someone to feel for her in return.
He hadn’t considered the possibility her past had driven her to that.
Did she really believe she’d be happy going along with the status quo for the rest of her life, avoiding adventure and excitement, never knowing what she was missing?
Yes, he decided, because she did know what she was missing. Hell, she was missing it on purpose so as not to get hurt.
He was outside her office, his hand raised to the doorknob before he knew what he was doing. But her office was empty. He let himself in and stood staring down at her neat-as-a-pin desk, realizing that knowing Katie’s past was only half the problem.
The other half was their basic differences.
Nothing was out of place here, not one piece of paper, not a single pencil, not even a paperclip.
Hmm.
Quickly he retraced his steps down the hall, needing to make sure, but-
Yep.
He opened the door to his own office and took in the wild, unorganized mess. Huge piles of paperwork were haphazardly stacked everywhere. Some had fallen over onto other piles, creating bigger mountains. When he’d run out of desk room he’d used floor space, nearly every inch of it.
No doubt. They were indeed opposites.
He attempted to straighten out some of the clutter, but no matter where he shifted a pile, the place still looked like a disaster area. Finally, he opened the large drawers on his desk and just shoved some of the paperwork into them. When they were full to overloading, he coaxed and jammed and threatened, and only slammed his fingers once, maybe twice.
Swearing, sucking on his sore fingers, he went to work on the files all over his floor, but he’d gotten exactly nowhere when he looked up at the shadow in his doorway.
Katie stood there, staring down at him with a bemused look on her face. “Did you lose something?”
He was on his hands and knees, surrounded by a mess he had yet to come close to fixing, even after hours of work. Worse, she didn’t look surprised, and that really irritated him. Dammit, he could be neat if he had to. He could!
“No,” he said stiffly, and casually kicked a pile beneath his desk, hoping she didn’t notice. “I know exactly where everything is.”
“Uh-huh.”
He ignored her, and when he looked again, she was gone.
The mess wasn’t.
And he was very tired of cleaning.
Maybe, he figured, it was time to regroup. Shift gears.
Attempting to make himself more like Matt was a really bad idea. He didn’t want to be like Matt. He liked himself just fine, and thought Katie probably did, too. She was just scared.
And with good reason.
He wanted to show her that risk could be good, certainly better than stability and neat desks. The scary part was, he wasn’t even sure why it all mattered so terribly much.
Why she mattered.
Damn, this was getting complicated. Normally, he was good at complicated. But despite having so many sisters, he didn’t really do well as it applied to a woman.
“Definitely need a new plan,” he muttered, rubbing a finger along the thick dust on his desk. “A good one.”
He mulled over the facts. One, whether she admitted it or not, Katie felt safe and relaxed with Matt. Two, she did not feel safe and relaxed with Bryan. She felt out of control, hot and itchy.
All he had to do was convince her that out of control, hot and itchy was a good thing.
How hard could that be?
7
MATT CAME BACK to work the week before Christmas.
The day he did, Katie hid out in her office, pretending everything was peachy, when of course it wasn’t. How could it be? In her quest for Mr. Perfect she’d overlooked one minute detail-his feelings.
It went even deeper than that. She’d thought her needs simple-she wanted a nice, secure, happy life with a nice, secure, happy man. Someone who knew his goals and responsibly went after them, someone who didn’t let fun run his life.
So why then had her dreams been taken over by a man who didn’t fit the criteria, a man who lived his life the same way he flew his airplanes? With wild, reckless, adventurous abandon?
Now Matt was back and she was fairly certain her job was in jeopardy. Her stomach rumbled in spite of having bitten all ten fingernails down to the quick, which was probably a lot more nutritious then her usual breakfast of sugar-coated cereal.
Searching her desk, she came up with three candy bars and happily devoured them all. When she was finished, her skirt felt too tight, but at least the sugar gave her a sense of energy.
Holly poked her head into her office. “My, don’t you look…stressed.”
Suddenly Katie found a silver lining and managed a smile. “Be nice. This is probably our last day working together.” She spared a thought to wonder how much unemployment benefits paid. Or how she’d explain the reason for losing this job. Well, you see, ma’am, it all started when I gave our vice president a concussion while attempting to sexually harass him.
Now wouldn’t that look good on the old résumé.
“Why would this be our last day together?” Holly asked.
“I don’t think giving Matt a bump on the head-” not to mention making him paranoid about mistletoe “-is likely to get me a promotion.”
Holly laughed and perched a slim hip on the corner of Katie’s desk. “You’re making way too much of a little accident.”
“Uh-huh. Oh, and by the way, thanks for tricking me at the party.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But then, I rarely do.”
“I know what you did, and even for you, it was really low.”
Matt walked by her office right then, his arms full of paperwork. He didn’t so much as peek in. Actually, he sped up, nearly running by.
Holly grinned and looked at Katie. “Guess he’s in a hurry.” She rose and moved to the door. “Hello, Matt,” she called, and Katie winced.
“Don’t call him in here!” she whispered in panic, slipping out of her chair and onto her knees behind her desk. She ducked. “I’m not ready for the firing!”
“Well then, don’t let him see you.” Holly pasted a bright smile on her face as Matt reluctantly came back to the doorway.
“Don’t worry,” Katie heard her say to Matt in a soothing voice. “The big, bad accountant is gone.”