He stared at her, shocked at himself. “I think about you too much. Tell me about your father.”
“No, wait.” Katie had put a hand to her heart, absently rubbing there as if she ached. “That thinking about me thing. Why can’t you just stop thinking about me?”
“I’ve tried.”
“You’re not trying hard enough.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know!” Her hands fisted in his shirt, probably to push him away, but she held on. “You’re sidetracking me.” She stared down at her fingers clutching him, and as if she just realized what she was doing, she loosened them and smoothed over the wrinkles she’d caused. “I came in here to apologize and you’re going to make me forget that, or even why.”
“Sorry.” He had no idea what for, but if she wanted to hug him and apologize, who was he to say no? “Go ahead, beg for my forgiveness.”
“For what?” she asked, annoyed.
“I don’t know exactly, but I’m certainly going to let you do it.”
“Bryan…darn it! You ruffle me.”
“You ruffle me, too. Do it some more.”
“This is crazy. I can’t…do this. Not with you.”
“Because of what I do?”
“Because of who you are. You remind me of-”
“Your father?” he asked, gently nudging her. “Come on, Katie, open up. Tell me. He hurt you, I know he did, and you never talk about it, it’s not healthy. It’ll make you explode, or-”
“Or cause me to be unnecessarily rude to you?” She let out a smile. “Too late.”
“You haven’t been rude, just…a bit prickly.”
She laughed at that, then set her head on his chest. “I’m so sorry, Bryan, for so many things.”
He didn’t need another reason to draw her close, to tuck her body against his and hug her tight. That she let him was a bigger thrill than any flight he’d ever taken. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
Bless his sweet and totally untrusting Katie. “If I said to the end of the earth, would you follow me?”
“I’d have to be pretty far gone to do that.”
“So, will you?”
She hesitated, then let out a rueful laugh. “Apparently, yes.”
Smiling, he led her to hangar three. When he walked up to one of his Cessnas, she held her breath. And when he took her inside, she let the breath out shakily. He strapped her into the copilot seat, sat next to her, put on his sunglasses, and she went more than a little pale.
“Tell me we’re just checking out the new leather seats,” she said.
“Yep. From twelve thousand feet.”
“Oh, my God.” She bit her lower lip. She looked as though she tried really hard to contain a sudden rush of excitement, but he knew her now. Yes, she was afraid, but she was also ready to do this.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Oh, sure. I’m great. Really. Couldn’t be better.” She looked nervously out the window.
“No stunts,” he promised, thinking she shouldn’t look so appealing, that it shouldn’t be so thrilling to be doing this, with her. “Nothing but straight flying, wherever we feel like going.”
“Just like that.”
“Just like that. Spontaneity, sweetheart. It doesn’t have to be dangerous.”
Her gaze slid to his mouth and he nearly groaned. “Do that again,” he murmured. “And I’ll be happy to delay this little fun until I kiss us brainless.”
“This is crazy.”
“No. This is fun. Simple, easy, good fun. You’ve not let yourself have enough of it.” He got them off the ground gently, took them into the right altitude gently, did everything as gently as he could, and nearly laughed out loud in triumph at the sheer pleasure on her face. “Breathe,” he instructed with a smile. “Or you’ll pass out.”
“Oh!” She laughed a little nervously and drew in her first deep breath. “Yeah, that helps.” After a moment she said quietly, “You’re much more complicated than I thought.”
“Because I can remember to breathe without instructions?”
“No, because…” She turned and looked out the window again, exhilaration and a sort of terrified joy shimmering from her every movement. “It’s incredible up here, amazing. I had-” she turned back to him, her eyes full of so many things, incredible things, she took his breath “-I had no idea,” she whispered. “You know, how it would be.”
“It’s good, isn’t it?” he whispered back. “Being so high, soaring through the clouds, riding on the wings of air so crisp you can feel it humming through your veins with every breath.”
“Yes. Exactly, yes.” She swallowed hard and sent him a shaky smile. “I guess it’s not such of a stretch to admit I was afraid to give in to this, because then I would have to admit I can understand some of my father’s compulsion to do this. He was a stunt pilot.”
“I know,” he said gently. “And I’m sorry. But flying doesn’t just have to be about wild stunts.”
“No, I can see that now.” She tilted her head and studied him. “I think maybe I can see you more clearly now, too.”
At that, their gazes met and held, and Bryan sent her a slow smile that she returned. It warmed him from the inside out.
And terrified him at the same time.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to admit I knew it was you, Bryan,” she said.
“Me, what?”
“Beneath the mistletoe.”
At least they were high above the tree line, or he might have crashed. “I’m sorry.” He shook his head to clear it. “Could you say that again?”
“I know it was you I kissed.” She sent him another shaky grin. “I’ve known since…probably that night. About time I admit it to you out loud, huh?”
“You wanted it to be Mr. Perfect, I understand that.”
“I’m sorry I let you think that, too.” She grimaced. “I let myself think it, when the truth is, I really didn’t want him at all, I just thought I did. I’m sorry, Bryan, so sorry I made you feel as though you had to change your entire lifestyle in order for us to-”
She went silent while he lay on a bed of pin nails, waiting, waiting, not breathing…still waiting. “In order for us to what?” he asked very softly.
She swiveled in her seat and looked deeply into his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not the settling-down type and I accept that. Just as I accept this irrational attraction.”
“Irrational?”
She nodded. “Absolutely.”
“How so?”
“Look, Bryan, let’s be honest at least.”
“Always.”
“I loved my father with all my heart. So did my mother, but nothing we could do or say was ever enough to make him happy. He had to get out there, up there, had to push the envelope all the time. Had to risk his neck without a thought as to how we’d feel. Always. And then…”
“He died,” Bryan finished gently. “He left you angry and hurt and afraid of letting yourself enjoy life.”
“Yes. I understand you, Bryan, I understand, but I can’t live with it. I hope you can accept that.”
Like hell. “You don’t know me very well yet,” he said mildly.
“I meant what I said. I understand you, but I don’t have any no intention of taking that understanding any further.”
“Because of your past.”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s just absurd.”
“But-”
“But what? All pilots are crazy, wild thrill seekers? No. Some of us value our lives greatly, no matter what you think. Some of us plan to be around for another hundred years.”
“A hundred?”
He had the sudden and ludicrous picture of himself at 130 years old trying to make love to Katie.
Oh, yeah, no doubt, he could do it. He let out a little laugh and she glared at him.
“What?” she demanded.
He grinned.
“You’re thinking of something dirty,” she accused. “I know it.”
“It was that old-age thing you just laid on me. I was wondering if you’ll still want me when we’re really ancient.”