She’d meant what she’d said. They were better off going their separate ways. She’d done enough damage to his life, and had he spent any more time in hers, she might not have been able to walk away at all. And then where would she have been? Sitting alone, nursing a broken heart.
She looked down at the wine bottle in her hand. Oh. She snorted. Well, it would have been much worse, for sure.
A quiet knock sounded at her door, and Lena’s heart pounded in her chest, hope and dread coursing through her at the slim chance that it was Elliot. She stood up, suddenly wishing she was wearing something more than her favorite oversized T-shirt. She didn’t have anything on under it, but it came down to mid-thigh, so she wouldn’t be flashing her undies. Her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head, but she could run a brush through it…
Knock, knock, knock.
“Lenny, it’s me. Open up.”
Lena’s shoulders slumped. Oz. She went to the door and opened it, no longer caring what she looked like. Her brother had seen her much worse.
She opened the door for him, then turned around and slunk back to the couch, leaving him to follow her in.
His eyebrows rose at the empty mini-wine bottle, papers strewn everywhere, and her general state of disarray.
“That bad, huh?”
She snorted, a sound that almost ended on a sob, but she sucked it back in time. Tempting though it was, she wasn’t going to sit and cry over a four-day non-relationship. She wasn’t even sure that was exactly the problem. Yes, she was upset at how things were going, or not, with Elliot. But there were other reasons things were going badly—the same damn issues that had been a problem for her since day one. Bad ideas. Bad implementation. Bad everything.
She was tired of not being able to do anything right. She couldn’t make a business successful to save her life. She couldn’t support her son on her own. Hell, she couldn’t even have a vacation fling without screwing it up and having everything get all dramatic and complicated.
“Len,” Oz said, sitting beside her on the couch. “What’s up?”
She groaned and put her head on his shoulder. “Same shit, different smell.”
He chuckled a little and pulled away from her so he could see her face. “You might have to elaborate on that a little for me.”
Lena grabbed a tissue from the side table and dabbed at the tears that were escaping, despite her best efforts.
“I’m so sick of taking one step forward just to fall ten steps back. It’s like every time I think I’ve finally found a great idea that might actually work out, some ridiculous issue comes up, and it doesn’t pan out. I’ve been trying for six years to make something out of my life. But I’m not qualified for anything. I can’t do anything. Sure, I’ve got a million ideas, but they are all crap, and even if they weren’t, I have no way of making any of them fly.
“So instead of being a good mom and providing a better life for my son, I have to mooch off you like some deadbeat. I mean, what kind of a mom am I? If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even have a home for my son to live in. I hope you don’t take that wrong,” she hurried to add. “I’ll never be able to repay you for everything you’ve done for us or express how grateful I am that you are such an amazing brother. You’ve always taken care of us. But… I’m his mom. I should be able to take care of him. But everything I try seems to crumble around me. Nothing works out.”
Oz reached over and squeezed her shoulder and she sniffed, wiping at her nose. “I guess I’m just tired of getting so close and having nothing but a big pile of failures to show for it. You work so hard for us, and I don’t do anything to help. You shouldn’t have to shoulder it all. It should be my responsibility. So every time I might be able to help make life a little easier, and it doesn’t work out… It hurts a million times more. Especially now that you are getting married. You should be bringing Cher home to your own house. Not the house where your sister and her kid live.”
Oz wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug. She snuggled against his chest, feeling for a moment like she had when they were younger and he had comforted her after she’d gotten into trouble or been dumped by some loser. He’d always been there for her. Sure, he’d tortured her a little. What big brother didn’t? But for the most part, he’d always been there, doing whatever he could to make her life better.
“First of all,” Oz said, pulling away again, “take a look at your son over there.”
Lena sniffed again and looked at the small lump burrowed against the pillows.
“No matter what else you do in this life, you will never be a failure. You brought that amazing little boy into the world and have been the best mother any kid could ask for.”
Lena started shaking her head, but Oz put his hand on top of it to stop her.
“Yes. We agreed when he was born that you’d stay home to take care of him until he was in school fulltime. It has been a privilege to me that you’ve allowed me to help raise him. As for you guys still living with me and Cher after we’re married, it’s a non-issue. We’ve all been living together for the last year, and we are very happy to keep that arrangement. So stop worrying about that.”
“We can’t all live together forever, Oz.”
“Why not?”
Lena smiled at her brother, though she couldn’t see him well through the tears swimming in her eyes. “Someday you guys will have kids of your own.”
The joy that lit Oz’s eyes went a long way to cheering Lena. More than anyone she knew, Oz deserved to be happy. She was so glad he’d found Cher.
“When someday comes, we’ll decide what to do then. For now, everyone is happy with the way things are.”
Lena started to protest, but he ignored her, leaning over to pick through her pile of ideas.
“Oh my God, I forgot about this one,” he said, laughing. He picked up a page that had one of those knotted friendship bracelets stapled to it, his grin stretching from ear to ear. “You wrangled every kid in the neighborhood into making these for you so you could sell them to the moms.”
“Yeah. The parents weren’t real happy with me after a while.”
“Us kids were. You covered our ice cream truck treats for a month.”
Lena grinned. “That was the first one that ever made money.”
“Yeah. And you were eight. You’ve got to stop being so hard on yourself. Not every idea is going to pan out, but someday, one of these is going to take off.”
She sighed. “I wish I believed that.”
Oz held up another sheet, the one with the recipe for her lip and bug bite balms. “What about this one? This stuff is great, all of them. Cher refuses to use anything else now. Which reminds me, I was supposed to ask if you had any bite balm on you. She’s got a few on her legs, but her tin is empty.”
“In my bag,” she said, gesturing to where it sat by the end of the couch.
He dug around until he found it. “Thanks. So, why didn’t you go after that one? It’s a damn good idea.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know that I could sell enough to make a profit after buying the materials, the business license, and insurance.”
“So why don’t you do a little research and find out? Maybe all you need is a good investor. Or you could do one of those campaigns online that everyone is donating to nowadays. A lot of people get the funding they need for their start-ups that way.”
“Because I think I should stop wasting my time on ideas that will probably never pan out and get a job that will actually support my son. None of these ideas ever really work. Or haven’t you noticed?”
Oz stared at her long enough that she started squirming. “What’s going on, Len? This isn’t only about your business ideas.”
She tried to keep any incriminating expression from showing. “Nothing is going on.”
His forehead creased while he studied her. “It has something to do with Elliot, doesn’t it?”