He shrugged. "I thought it was for the best. After Eryn, I had no wish for anything permanent."
"I wasn't suggesting anything permanent."
He looked at me, and didn't answer.
"And despite all those refusals," I continued, "here you are, all but demanding I be with you, and you alone."
"Because what we have deserves exploration."
"To what end, if you have no wish for anything permanent?"
Again, he didn't answer. Maybe that was a question he had no answer for.
"How many exclusive relationships have you actually had over your many years?"
His expression could only be described as dark. "Two or three."
I snorted softly. "In how many centuries?"
"It is hard to love someone when you know you must watch them grow old and die."
"Then why did you commit to Eryn?"
"As I said before, that was more a product of the drug than love. Had I been in my right state of mind, I would never have attempted that ceremony." His eyes were hard as he added, "I swore never to marry another woman four hundred years ago. It is a promise I hold to."
Which begged the question, what happened four hundred years ago? But I didn't bother asking, because I knew he wouldn't tell me. "Then you've never turned a lover?"
"No. It rarely works out well, anyway."
"Because of the territorial thing?"
He hesitated. "And because vampires cannot live on each other's blood."
They couldn't? That was interesting. I'd thought blood was blood, no matter what the source. I glanced at my watch and saw it was eight-thirty. The doctor would still be in his office if I rang now. "What happens next is up to you to decide. Just be well aware that I will have other partners, and I will not stop attending the moon dances. I can't afford to." I hesitated, watching his eyes, watching my words sink in. He wasn't liking them, wasn't accepting them. Not yet. "In the meantime, you got a phone I can use?"
He fished the keys out of his pocket, and tossed them to me. "In the car."
"Thanks. I'll meet you in the restaurant, if you like."
He nodded. I strode past him, and went to make the call that would end any hopes I had of having a child of my own.
In the end, we didn't get to eat. Quinn drove me back to the medical center, and the doctor inserted the intrauterine device that would stop any threat of pregnancy—it was also the only device that wasn't going to be detected by the blood tests I had no doubt Misha would insist on. He also inserted the monitor, as I suspected Misha would keep an eye on my file, and would be suspicious if it wasn't inserted. For that reason, I asked the doctor not to put anything on my file about the IUD, and though he was far from happy about it, he agreed. He had no choice really, as he knew I was Directorate and could easily have gotten the request enforced.
I don't really remember the lift ride back down to the ground, though I do remember Quinn taking me in his arms and holding me for what seemed like forever. He never said a word, but then, he didn't need to. Though the link between us was locked down tight, I knew he understood my pain. He was a vampire, after all, and knew all about never being able to have kids.
It was after midnight by the time we got back to the apartment. Jack was there, sitting at his com-screen, and a somewhat fierce scowl crossed his features as we walked in.
"Where the hell have you two been?"
"Thinking," I said.
"And this thinking couldn't have been interrupted for a quick phone call update on what the hell was going on?"
"No." Actually, I hadn't even thought of it.
I glanced toward the other bedrooms. I knew my brother was in one, but there were snores coming from the other room. Kade, undoubtedly. Why the hell was he was still here? What did Jack plan to do with him?
And was there any way I could uncover the mystery of the horse-shifter?
"Want a coffee, boss?"
"Thanks."
I raised an eyebrow at Quinn, who nodded, then headed into the kitchen to get us all a coffee. With that done, I sat down on the sofa opposite Jack and filled him in on everything that had happened. We talked for a good hour, after which I rang Misha. He was awake, as I knew he would be.
"We should talk," I said, the minute he answered the phone.
"Yes, we should."
I glanced at Jack, who was hooked up to my cell phone, listening in, as well as talking to the director on a second phone. He met my gaze and nodded, indicating everything had been arranged.
"Three o'clock. Macey Jane's, in Lygon Street."
My gaze slid passed Jack, and settled on Quinn. I was willing to meet him halfway, even though it wasn't entirely wise to do so. Whether he was willing to do the same remained to be seen. But the mere fact that his disapproval stung the air suggested he hadn't yet come to grips with the situation. Maybe he never would.
And as much as I wanted to be with him, I wasn't willing to change my entire life for him. Nor would I back down from this investigation. I needed to be a part of its ending, needed to see it ended with my own eyes, to be totally sure I was safe. If Quinn couldn't accept that, and accept me, then we were never meant to be. No matter how rich a piece of chocolate my hormones considered him to be.
"Sorry, that ain't going to happen," came Misha's drawl. "For a start, I don't trust the mob you work for that much. And secondly, I dare not step beyond known haunts at the moment. I'm being watched."
"Yeah, by the Directorate."
"And by those you hunt."
"Meaning they don't trust you?" My gaze went to Jack again. Did he know the Directorate wasn't the only one watching Misha? The raised eyebrows suggested not. "Why am I not surprised?"
His chuckle whispered down the line, stirring memories that were best forgotten.
"We'll meet at the Blue Moon."
Jack shook his head. I ignored him. We needed to find out what Misha knew, and while the Blue Moon wasn't a Directorate-patrolled safe place, it was somewhere I felt safe. I knew the people, knew the layout. And of all the werewolves' clubs, the Blue Moon was the strictest when it came to patron safety.
"I'd hardly call that a regular haunt of yours."
"Ah, but it has been since your disappearance."
A cold lump formed in my stomach. "You couldn't have known I'd escape that place."
"No, but I knew he'd underestimate you. He always has—"
"He who?" I cut in.
This time his soft chuckle made my skin crawl. "We'll have to discuss terms before we get to an exchange of… information."
"You'd better be offering some good information, Misha, or it's no deal. And it wouldn't matter if you were the only fertile wolf on the damn planet."
"I'm your only way out of a return to another of those pens," he said softly. "Believe that, if you believe nothing else."
The soft certainty in his voice sent another chill across my skin. I did believe him, though God only knew I was probably being stupid for doing so.
"When?"
Jack rolled his eyes, and looked decidedly unhappy as he began speaking into the second phone.
"Three's fine by me. I'll book one of the private rooms, just to ensure our conversation isn't overheard, but we'll meet on the dance floor. It'll look more like a coincidence to my watchers."
"If you know about them, why not get rid of them?"
"Because right now, they have their uses." Amusement was evident in his voice. I'd always thought Misha to be the quieter, saner of the two mates I'd had over the last few years, but that assumption was proving to be very wrong.
"Tomorrow is a werewolf-only day," he continued, "so neither the vampire or that horse-shifter you escaped with will get in. Rhoan can, but if I spot him, I'm out the door and the deal is off."
How had he known that Kade was still with us? Or was it simply a guess on his part?