I will never, ever, ever forget that day. I was playing Ranger in my room when the air raid siren ripped through the city. I ran to the window and looked down at the walkway two stories below, trying to see what was happening. My first thought was Ursa, but there had been other emergencies in our colony too. Then I saw Senshi, my sister, running through the crowd of people who were rushing back to their own apartments. I knew she was coming for me.
When she burst into my room, I was struck as always by how strong she looked, dressed in her rust-colored Ranger uniform, her cutlass in her hand. At nineteen, she was so much more grown up than eight-year-old me, but she never treated me like I was a baby. She was my hero, my best friend, the most amazing girl in the world—everything a big sister should be.
She shouted that we had to go. We heard a screech so awful it seemed like even the sound of it would tear me to shreds. I covered my ears, wanting to hide. I knew what that sound was without asking. It was an Ursa, and it was coming for us.
Senshi said the Skrel had surprised us, sending ships to drop those monsters on us again. There was supposed to be an early-warning system in place, but somehow the Skrel had found a way around it. I remember her asking if I was afraid. I tried to tell her I wasn’t, but I couldn’t fool her. I was terrified.
Another unearthly shriek tore through the air, even closer now. I scrambled beneath the hammock where I had always slept. Scooting into the corner to make room for my sister, I called out to her, thinking we could hide together until reinforcements arrived.
But of course, that was never an option. Not for my sister, not for any Ranger. Rangers are sworn to protect the planet, especially from Ursa. As I watched, Senshi spotted the glass greenhouse where I’d been growing plants beneath my window. She hit a button and the round container slid open. Attaching her cutlass to her back to keep it out of the way, she started yanking my plants out, scattering dirt, leaves, and roots until the box was completely empty. I still didn’t understand what she was doing, but if destroying my indoor garden would somehow help us, I wasn’t about to complain.
“Climb in here, okay?” she said, sliding the box toward me. As I crawled in, she explained that it would shield my scent from the Ursa. They are drawn to our fear, and I knew I was drenched in mine. I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t conceal it, couldn’t ghost like our dad. I knew it, and so did she.
Once I was inside, she handed me the remote that controlled the lid. “You use this when I tell you to. Or when another Ranger tells you to. Other than that, don’t come out. No matter what.” I opened my mouth to protest but she shook her head. “That’s an order.”
It was a direct order from a Ranger. Everyone on Nova Prime knows you don’t disobey those. From inside my glass box, I felt far away from my sister, so powerful with her cutlass strapped to her back, ready for battle. But then she leaned in, cupping my chin in her hand, her enormous brown eyes searching my face. “Did you hear what I said, little brother?”
Of course I did. I will never forget her words. They changed my life forever.
I saw the depth of feeling in her eyes, but her voice was as cool and sharp as her cutlass’s blades, leaving no room for argument. Her eyes were my sister’s, but her voice was a Ranger’s. Another screech sliced through the room, so much closer this time, and she quickly sealed me in the case.
I watched as she stood and pulled the cutlass from her back. She tapped out a pattern on her weapon, the C-30 cutlass, and it morphed into a two-meter-long, double-ended, razor-sharp sword. Then I saw a hulking shadow pass across the wall to the next room. Senshi saw it too.
Spinning her cutlass in her hand, she crept into the other room. And there was the Ursa, directly in front of her. All I could see was the bottom of its muscular six-legged body as my sister advanced on it. I heard furniture crashing aside as the Ursa dodged her cutlass. She wielded her weapon like the natural fighter she was, but I never saw her connect. Then one of the beast’s massive arms lashed out at her. She leapt into the air, pushing off the wall to escape, but the monster’s next blow connected, throwing her across the room.
I clapped my hands over my mouth to keep from screaming.
That thing was hurting my sister, and I wanted to stop it, needed to stop it. But as I tried to think of some way to help, fear held me frozen in place. Fear—and the thought of how angry Senshi would be if I disobeyed her orders, even if it was to try to save her. So I stayed hidden. Just a frightened little kid.
The creature pounced on her again, and I heard her cry out, “Dad,” in a voice so full of pain that it broke my heart. And that’s when the anger began to well up in me too, because I couldn’t save her but he could have. And where was he when we needed him most? Far away, saving other people I’m sure, but leaving his own children unprotected and alone.
I couldn’t see her past the Ursa’s massive body, but I heard its claws and teeth slashing and ripping. Finally the monster backed away, and I caught a glimpse of her lying still in the corner of the room. Shaking and sobbing, I fought to stay silent until the creature was gone.
My sister was dead, and I felt like I was dying too. Maybe I should have leapt to her defense, just to spare myself from living with the unbearable pain of watching her die. But I couldn’t have done that to her. If there were one thing my sister would’ve wanted, however and whenever she died, it would be to know that her baby brother was safe. I know that for sure, because I knew her. I loved her more than anything—but she loved me even more. That was why she came here as soon as the Ursa landed, because if she could save one person in the world, it was me.
Senshi used to tuck me in at night, when Dad was away and Mom was working late. And when I couldn’t sleep because I was afraid of monsters, she would say, “If an Ursa gets in here, it’ll never have a chance to get you. I’ll just walk right up to it and cut it down.” At least she had been right about the first half of that vow. She always promised to protect me, no matter what, and she had kept her promise—and I had let her.
I wish I had been older and stronger that day so I could have saved her. I replay the scene in my head at least once a day, trying to imagine how it could have gone differently. Maybe if I had snuck up on the beast, I could have killed it while it was trying to kill her. Sometimes that seems possible, and other times, I can see the monster whirling to kill me while my sister lay dying and can see the devastation that would’ve been in her eyes, knowing that she died for nothing because the Ursa got me too.
We would’ve made an unbelievable team someday—the two children of Cypher Raige, fighting Ursa side by side. I can see it so clearly even though we never got the chance. I miss her so, so much. And I know if anyone misses her as much as I do, it’s my dad. But the thing that should have brought us even closer together drove us apart. She was his favorite, and I was just the one who let her die.
//////// ENTRY 6
I’m back now. I needed a break after that last recording. Reliving that day always destroys me. I probably shouldn’t have even gotten into all that, not when there’s so much else going on. But that’s what’s pretty much always on my mind.
Anyway. Night had fallen while I was lost in my memories, and still my dad didn’t move. I was trying to decide what to do next when his eyes finally opened.
My dad calmly surveyed his surroundings. Seeing me breathing without my mask, he removed his own.
He told me to stand up and evaluate my condition. I rolled my wrists, flexed my elbows, rotated my shoulders and neck. I leaned side to side, front to back, squatted up and down, testing my knees and legs. Even though it didn’t seem like the most urgent thing to deal with right now, knowing that I was good to go made me feel better.