How far back does your memory go?
To when I was a little kid, I guess. Why?
I recall sensations from when I was first enhanced, back in the Logrus. But everything up until we got here is kind of dreamlike. I just sort of used to react to life.
A lot of people are that way, too.
Really? I couldn’t think, or communicate this way before.
True.
Do you think it will last?
What do you mean?
Might this just be a temporary condition? Might I just have been enhanced to deal with the special circumstances in this place?
I don’t know, Frakir, I answered, massaging my left calf. I suppose its possible. Are you getting attached to the state?
Yes. Silly of me, I guess. How can I care about something I won’t miss when it’s gone?
Good question, and I don’t know the answer. Maybe you would have achieved this state anyway eventually.
I don’t think so. But I don’t know for certain.
You afraid to regress?
Yes.
Tell you what. When we find a way out of here, you stay behind.
I couldn’t do that.
Why not? You’ve come in handy on occasion, but I can take care of myself. Now you’re sentient you should have a life of your own.
But I’m a freak.
Aren’t we all? I just want you to know I understand, and it’s okay with me.
She pulsed once and shut up.
I wished I weren’t afraid to drink the water.
I sat there for perhaps the better part of an hour, going over everything that had happened to me recently, looking for patterns, clues.
I can sort of hear you thinking, Frakir said suddenly, and I can offer you something in one area.
Oh? What might that be?
The one who brought you here.
The thing that looked like my father?
Yes.
What of him?
He was different from your other two visitors. He was human. They weren’t.
You mean it might actually have been Corwin?
I never met him, so I can’t say. He wasn’t one of those constructs, though.
Do you know what they were?
No. I only know one peculiar thing about them, and I don’t understand it at all.
I leaned forward and rubbed my temples. I took several deep breaths. My throat was very dry, and my muscles ached.
Go ahead. I’m waiting.
I don’t quite know how to explain it, Frakir said. But back in my presentient days you inconsiderately wore me about your wrist when you walked the Pattern.
I recall. I had a scar for a long time after, from your reaction to it.
Things of Chaos and things of Order do not mix well. But I survived. And the experience is recorded within me. Now the Dworkin and the Oberon figures that visited you back at the cave —
Yes?
Beneath their apparent humanity they were pulsing energy fields within geometrical constructs.
Sounds sort of like computer animation.
Maybe it is something like that. I couldn’t say.
And my father wasn’t one of these?
Nope. But that wasn’t what I was getting at. I recognized the source.
I was suddenly alert.
What do you mean?
The swirls — the geometrical constructs on which the figure were based — they reproduced sections of the Pattern at Amber.
You must be mistaken.
No. What I lacked in sentience I made up in memory. Both figures were three-dimensional twistings of Pattern segments.
Why would the Pattern be creating simulacra to bug me?
I’m just a humble killing aid. Reasoning is not one of my strong points yet.
If the Unicorn and the Serpent are involved, I suppose the Pattern might be also.
We know that the Logrus is.
And it seemed to me that the Pattern demonstrated sentience the day Coral walked it. Say that’s true and add on the ability to manufacture constructs — Is this the place it wanted them to bring me? Or did Corwin transport me someplace else? And what does the Pattern want of me? And what does my father want of me?
I envy your ability to shrug, Frakir answered. Those are what I take it you call rhetorical questions?
I guess so.
Information of another sort is beginning to come to me, so I assume the night is ending.
I sprang to my feet.
Does that mean I can eat — and drink? I asked.
I believe so.
I moved quickly then.
While I am new to these things, I cannot help wondering whether it might be considered disrespectful to vault over an altar that way, Frakir commented.
The black flames flickered as I passed between them.
Hell, I don’t even know what it’s an altar to, I answered, and I’ve always thought of disrespect as something that had to be identity-specific.
The ground trembled slightly as I seized the jug and took a deep swallow.
Then, again, perhaps you have a point there, I said, choking.
I carried the jug and the loaf around the altar, past the stiffening dwarf and over to the bench which ran along the back wall. Seating myself, I commenced eating and drinking more slowly.
What comes next? I asked. You said that the information was flowing again.
You have kept vigil successfully, she said. Now you must select what you need from among the armor and weapons you watched, then pass through one of the three doorways in this wall.
Which one?
One is the door of Chaos, one the door of Order, and I know not the nature of the third.
Uh, how does one make an informed decision in these matters?
I think your way may be barred by all but the one you’re supposed to pass.
Then one does not really have a choice, does one?
I believe that the matter of the doorways may be predicated upon the choice one makes in the hardware department.
I finished the bread, washed it down with the rest of the water. I got to my feet then.
Well, I said, let’s see what they’ll do if I don’t make a choice. Too bad about the dwarf.
He knew what he was doing, what chances he was taking.
That’s more than I can say.
I approached the right-hand door since it was the nearest. It let into a bright corridor which grew brighter and brighter as it receded until sight of it was lost to me beyond a few paces’ distance. I kept walking. Damn near broke my nose, too. It was as if I’d encountered a wall of glass. It figures. I couldn’t picture myself walking off into the light that way.
You’re actually getting more cynical as I watch, Frakir observed. I caught that thought.
Good.
I approached the middle one more carefully. It wore gray and seemed to let into a long corridor also. I could see down it perhaps a little farther than the first, though no features other than walls, roof, and floor presented themselves. I extended my arm and discovered that my way was not barred.
Seems to be the one, Frakir observed.
Maybe.
I moved over to the left-hand doorway, its passage black as the inside of God’s pocket. Again there was no resistance when I explored for hidden barriers.
Hm. It appears I do have a choice.
Odd. I haven’t any instructions to cover this.
I returned to the middle one, took a step forward. Hearing a sound behind me, I turned. The dwarf had sat up. He was holding his sides and laughing. I tried to turn back then, but now something barred my return. Suddenly then the scene dwindled, as if I were accelerating to the rear.
I thought the little guy was dead, I said.
So did I. He gave every indication.
I turned away, back to the direction I’d been headed. There was no feeling of acceleration. Perhaps it was the chapel that was receding while I stood still.
I took a step forward, then another. Not a sound from my footfalls. I began walking. After a few paces I put out my hand to touch the left-hand wall. It encountered nothing. I tried again with the right. Again nothing. I took a step to the right and reached again. Nope. I still seemed approximately equidistant from two shadowy walls. Growling, I ignored them and strode forward.