His body went visibly solid.
Oh boy.
Okay, all right.
Right.
“I told you,” I kept whispering. “And we used condoms for a while. One, um… must have broken or, uh… something…”
I trailed off.
Knight didn’t move, his eyes burning into me, his face impassive.
Not a good sign.
I kept whispering, my eyes glued to him. “I’m pregnant.”
He moved not a muscle and said not a word and he did this for a long time.
Even I could barely hear my voice when I said quietly, “I want to keep it, Knight. And I want that badly.”
Knight gave me nothing.
I wanted to close my eyes, cry, beg.
I wanted this baby. His baby. I wasn’t expecting it. We’d never discussed children.
But I wanted it.
Like I said…
Badly.
“I think I’ve known for a while,” I shared quietly and carefully. “But I took a home pregnancy test um… a bit ago. Then to confirm I went to the doctor Monday. I’m ten weeks.”
Knight didn’t move.
“Honey.” My voice was shaking.
That was when he moved but not to me. Nor did he say anything. He lifted his hand, shoved it inside his jacket and pulled out his phone, all the while his eyes on me.
My heart started beating as my stomach clenched. I didn’t know what this meant but it terrified me.
His eyes dropped to his phone as he hit buttons but they came back and pinned me to the spot when he put the phone to his ear.
I stood still, my eyes held captive by his and I waited.
“Hey, yeah, Knight,” he said into the phone and I tried not to hyperventilate. “Got news. Anya’s pregnant. Ten weeks.”
I blinked and when I was done, his eyes were still on me.
“Fuck, Mom, I know it’s great fuckin’ news but stop screamin’.” Pause then, “Fuck, give the phone to Dad.”
My eyes filled with tears and there was no way I could control them. They spilled right over.
He didn’t take his phone from his ear when he ordered low and slow, “Babe, get… over… here.”
Tossing my clutch across the room to the couch, I flew to him, my body colliding with his, my arms wrapping around tight and his arm did the same, holding me close.
I felt his lips at the top of my hair and then, “Dad? Yeah. Yeah, she isn’t lyin’. Anya’s carrying my baby. Ten weeks.” Pause then, “No. Unexpected. She got sick a while back, flu, missed some pills.” Pause then on a squeeze of his arm in a gentle, soft voice, “No, Dad. It’s good. We’re happy.”
“It’s good.”
“We’re happy.”
He talked more but I didn’t hear much mainly because my body was bucking against his due to my sobbing.
Then he said his good-byes, shifted me so he could pry me away from his frame and put his phone back in his pocket then both his arms wound tight around me.
“Babe, eyes,” he ordered gently and I tipped back my head. His eyes moved over my face then caught mine. “You didn’t want a ring. You wanted my baby,” he whispered.
“Yes,” I whispered back.
“Mom’s fuckin’ beside herself,” he shared something I guessed.
I’d met his parents, three times.
They’d been to Denver twice. The second time for a nice visit. The first time Carl came out with Knight’s Mom to deal with Nick.
Nick now lived in Hawaii with Carl riding his ass. He was clean of blow, Carl’s first order of business. But he was still “dicking around” (Knight’s words). Though, “At least it gives Dad somethin’ to do. He doesn’t golf. He doesn’t surf. He doesn’t garden. He cracks heads. He was goin’ crazy. Now he’s got a head to crack,” (also Knight’s words).
We’d also gone out to see them. When we did, we saw Nick. To me, he’d changed. He was far less of an asshole and he’d actually found a quiet moment just him and me to apologize and, I thought, do it sincerely. Knight warned me not to be fooled. He explained Nick could get contrite then Nick could turn back into an asshole. Luckily, while we were there, he didn’t slide back into the asshole.
And, it should be noted that although Nick took the time to apologize to me, he didn't take the time to apologize to his brother. Something I didn’t like all that much. Something Knight took in stride. Therefore something that clearly had happened before, repeatedly, this an assumption I’d made that Knight had confirmed when I asked him.
I tried to smile through my tears and replied, “Good.”
“Dad’s pleased.” He kept sharing.
“Good,” I repeated on a hitched breath.
His arms left me so his hands could cup my jaw, his thumbs sliding through the wet on my cheeks and he ordered softly, “Baby, quit crying.”
I drew in a shaky breath. This didn’t work so I drew in another one.
On the fourth, I got it together.
“That’s it,” he muttered, his thumbs still moving through the wet.
I held onto him and held his eyes.
“You’re carrying my baby,” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I confirmed.
“You’re carrying my baby,” he repeated, his voice lower, gruff, thick.
I felt my nostrils quiver but I held it together and nodded.
His forehead dropped to mine, his nose slid along mine but his hands never left my face and I held my breath as he whispered with feeling, “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.”
Slowly, I closed my eyes.
He wanted this, my man. He wanted me to have his baby.
I opened my eyes.
“You’re happy?” I guessed, my voice quiet but the words were still pitched high with hope.
“Fuck, baby, yeah. Fuck yeah. You got my baby in you.”
“I was worried you’d be angry,” I admitted and his face went away just an inch.
“I get that. We haven’t discussed it. Though, sayin’ that, been thinkin’ for a while about talkin’ to you about it. Puttin’ that ring on your finger reminded me I needed to get to that. Fate jumped the gun. I’m not complaining.”
God, God, God.
I loved this man.
“So you want kids?” I ventured even though the answer was obvious.
Still, it was good I asked because he smiled and I loved to watch Knight smile.
“Absolutely.”
“How many?”
“Two,” he said immediately.
“Boys or girls?”
“Boys,” he said again immediately and I blinked.
“Really?”
“Babe, my life, girls?” He shook his head and kept shaking it when he went on, “Your beauty, even a little of it, you give that to our baby?” He stopped shaking his head and his fingers gave me a gentle squeeze. “Fuck no. I’ll need to buy more guns and hire more men.”
I giggled.
“Make me boys,” he ordered.
I giggled again.
Then I pointed out the obvious, “Not sure I can yield on that, sweetheart. Think that’s up to destiny.”
His mouth came to mine and he continued being bossy.
“Do the best you can do.”
“Okay, Knight.”
“All right, baby.”
God, God, God.
I loved this man.
After having that joyous thought, I got serious but did it quietly.
“Honey, you need to quit smoking.”
He held my eyes and instantly agreed, “Yeah.”
I relaxed deeper into him.
“You’re forgetting something,” he whispered against my lips.
“What?” I whispered against his, looking in his beautiful eyes.
“Babe, kiss me.”
I grinned against his mouth.
Then I pressed tight in a variety of places and I kissed him.