Despite my throbbing head, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “Vampire stand-up comedy? Really?”
“No, I’ve never heard anybody using it to tell jokes,” she said. “Half the times I’ve been there on Thursdays, nobody got up at all.”
“What did they do, the rest of the time?”
“It varies. Sometimes it’s just a bunch of announcements – somebody’s looking for a house sitter, somebody else is trying to unload a used coffin, stuff like that. Other times, you’ve got one of the community up there whining about how tough life is for a vampire these days.”
“And is it?” I asked. “Tough, I mean.”
She shrugged. “You have good nights and bad nights, just like anybody else. In my experience, whining doesn’t help much.”
“No, it usually doesn’t,” I said.
“One time, they had a poetry slam.” She did a face-palm. “God, that was awful.”
“But that’s not what happened last night.”
“No, last night we got to hear from Dimitri Kaspar about how supes, especially vampires, have been taking shit from the Man for too damn long, and it’s time we stood up for ourselves.”
“There’s a vampire named Casper?” I said. “Like the friendly ghost in the comics?”
“He spells it differently, and from what I hear, he’s not all that friendly. There’s a story about how one time some human made a ‘friendly ghost’ joke in front of him.” She studied the pattern in the dish towel as if it were the most interesting thing she’d ever seen. “Supposedly, Dimitri tore the guy’s throat out so fast, he didn’t even realize he was dead until he hit the floor.”
“That’s murder,” I said.
“It’s just a story, Dad. Anyway, if it really happened, I don’t guess anybody who saw it is going to be in a hurry to testify against Dimitri Kaspar.”
“Probably afraid the same thing would happen to them.”
“That’d be my guess,” she said.
“So what makes you think this sweetheart wants to succeed Victor Castle?”
“He said so. He told us that Castle was weak, and had been collaborating with the fascist police to keep supes from gaining true equality with the bloodbags.”
I gave her a look. “Bloodbags?”
She had the grace to look a little embarrassed. “It’s a… term some in the community use for humans.”
“Never heard that one before,” I said.
“I expect you’re going to be hearing it a lot – especially if Dimitri Kaspar has his way.”
“I was going to ask you just how the leader of the supe community gets chosen. Is there some kind of election, or what?”
She made a face and shook her head slightly. “Nothing that formal. But at some point there’ll be a meeting, and each of the different species of supe will send a representative.”
“You mean one from the vamps, somebody from the weres, a witch, a troll, and all that?”
“Right. And each one expresses the consensus of his species as to who should be leader. Or hers. Way I hear it, everybody sends a rep, except the fucking goblins.”
“It being impossible to get a bunch of goblins to agree on pretty much anything,” I said.
“Yeah, that’s about it.”
“So when is this big conclave supposed to take place?”
“No date’s been set yet. It probably won’t be until after Victor Castle’s memorial service, which is this weekend.”
“But this Dimitri Kaspar is an early favorite?”
“I don’t know if you could call him a favorite,” she said. “But nobody else has stepped forward so far. Maybe they’re afraid to. And I hear that Dimitri’s been spreading a lot of money around – buying goodwill, I guess.”
“He’s rich?”
“Not as far as I know,” she said. “I think he works for the Postal Service. But he’s got money from someplace.”
“And money’s the lifeblood of politics – even among supes, I figure.”
“You figure right,” she said. “But who’s gonna give a bunch of it to Dimitri Kaspar? I mean, whiskey tango foxtrot?”
Military radio code for WTF or “What the fuck?” I wondered if she’d picked that up from Karl, who’s been known to say it occasionally.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Seems all I’ve been getting lately is a bunch of questions I don’t have any answers to.” I looked up toward the ceiling. A little louder, I said, “If God’s taking requests tonight, some enlightenment would be greatly appreciated.”
I kept looking a few seconds longer, but the ceiling didn’t dissolve in a flash of bright light to admit a Heavenly messenger bearing the solutions to all my problems. I should be used to that by now.
I went to bed soon after that, even though it was still a while before dawn. Christine said she’d see me at breakfast.
I fell asleep while my head was about a foot above the pillow and slept like the undead for a few hours. But after that, whenever I changed position, the lump on the back of my head would give out a jolt of pain that woke me up. I’d fall back asleep, until my next movement repeated the process and brought me back to the surface again. It was frustrating, but I was so exhausted that I stayed in bed until sundown, when the alarm I’d set got me up.
By the time I got downstairs, Christine was up, drinking a cup of lightly warmed Type O, which is her favorite. I knew what it was, because the empty bottle was still on the counter. She’d put it in the recycling bin later.
“Good morning, Daddy.”
“Morning.”
She peered at me in the harsh light from the kitchen fluorescent lights. Of course, she could have seen me even if the room had been pitch black.
“Well, you look a little bit better,” she said.
“Only a little bit?”
“I’d say you’ve made the transition from ‘death warmed over’ to ‘death over easy’.”
“Any improvement’s better than none, I always say.”
She’d made a pot of coffee for me, which I thought ought to qualify her for canonization – even if the Pope does hate vampires. That won’t last forever, and neither will he.
As I sat down with my steaming cup, she said, “Would you like me to make you some eggs?”
Although my stomach was empty, the thought of eggs made me want to break out in dry heaves. “No, but thanks.”
“Solid food doesn’t appeal right now, huh?”
“No, not hardly.”
“Try to eat something later, OK? And not junk from the vending machine at work.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
I left the house an hour earlier than usual – but not because I was eager to get to work. The way I was feeling, it was likely to be a long shift tonight, and I had no desire to make it even longer. But before I headed for the station house , there was somebody I needed to talk to.
The Brass Shield Bar and Grill sits on Mulberry Street, on the edge of downtown. If you heard the name and guessed that it was a cop bar, you’d be right. Alcoholism is a big problem in my profession because of all the stress, not to mention those things you see on the job that burn themselves into your mind – images that you’d give anything to be able to forget, if only for a few hours.
And even those on the force who haven’t made booze into a problem often like a couple of drinks to help relax before they go home. It cuts down some on the domestic violence, I figure – although there’s a lot of it that still goes on anyway. When you spend eight hours ready to fight or shoot at a moment’s notice, it can be hard to let it all go as you walk through the front door and call, “Honey, I’m home.”
That’s not meant to be an excuse, by the way. I never laid a violent hand on my wife all the years we were together, and I despise men, cops or not, who come home and use somebody they swore to love and cherish as a punching bag. But that’s why cops are drawn to the booze – some cops, anyway. And when cops drink, they mostly like to drink among their own.
I walked in and headed for the bar, nodding at several guys who I know pretty well. Frank Murtaugh, the owner, waited on me himself and I asked for a bottle of Stegmaier that I could pretend to drink while waiting for the guy I was there to see.